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Why are nice guys unwanted?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Girls often say: "You're a really nice guy, but I don't fancy you." "You're a really nice guy, but you're not my type." You're a really nice guy, but I'm not into nice guys." "You're a really nice guy, but I see you as like a brother." I've never heard them say anything like: "You're a really nice guy and I really fancy you." or "You're a really nice guy - let's go to my bedroom". Millions of girls say that they want nice guys - but very few actually do. Being a nice guy typically means being perceived as a boring wimp and hence not attractive.

Is there a way round this? Is it possible to be a nice guy whom girls find sexy?

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    DreaDrea Posts: 292 The Mix Regular
    Hey Robert,

    In this case, it's just important to be yourself and that way you attract the type of girls who will be compatible to your personality. The saying 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' does seem cheesy, but it is true. Beauty is a very subjective topic, and being a nice guy definitely doesn't typically mean you're boring etc... If this was the case then it would be much rarer to find functional and successful relationships! It really is often a case of trial and error, so there isn't much help we can give you in this case other than don't give up and continue being a nice guys, because it is likely that there will be someone who is attracted to this.

    Drea :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It appears that dysfunctional relationships outnumber functional, successful ones - at least that's the case among the people whom I know.

    Being myself doesn't help me to be successful - in any aspect of life. Some people have said not to be myself or try to be something I'm not - but to be a better version of myself. I don't however know how to do that.
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    louisa982louisa982 Posts: 294 The Mix Regular
    When a girl says "your a nice guy but" it usually means she has absolutely no interest in you and she doesn't want to hurt the man pride too much by sounding harsh. Even if the guy is a complete twat they will still say " you are a nice guy but"
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If that's the case, then why do some of them say that they want to be friends instead?
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    FeatheredDreamsFeatheredDreams Posts: 91 Budding Regular
    'Cause some people want to be in a freindship but not a romantic relationship with those they date (not exactly as an aim of the date i mean, but if u meet someone u like but don't want a romantic relationship with why wouldnt u wanna befriend them). Some people don't want either of those.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's easier than being a twat. Like if someone says 'but we could just be friends', that doesn't necessarily mean they actually want to be friends - they might just want an easier way out. I know people who have said to guys 'let's just be friends' but then never contacted them again. It's not harsh, it's just how these things work sometimes.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's another aspect of this that has happened to some of my friends as well as to me: a girl suggests we be friends, but she doesn't actually want that and makes no attempt to be friends. Even this is sometimes referred to as friend-zoning, even though it's not even that.
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    JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,878 Extreme Poster
    That's because she is trying to reject you in a nice way - she's trying not to hurt your feelings.
    The sun will rise and we will try again 
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Is there a way of telling the difference between a girl who's pretending that she wants to be friends and one who actually does?

    Another variation on this is when she says that she enjoyed our date, giving the impression that she'd love to go on another date with me. However, she actually didn't enjoy it and doesn't want to see me again. Is there a way to tell the difference between that situation as opposed to a girl who actually enjoyed the date and would love another?
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    JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,878 Extreme Poster
    The only way to tell is to see how she follows up - for example if she says she wants to go out again but then avoids all your messages then she clearly didn't mean it. Same if she says she wants to be friends but then avoids follow on contact. You can't tell at the time because how would you tell someone is lying? Some people just don't want to hurt your feelings but they inadvertently do by lying in this way.
    The sun will rise and we will try again 
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Some people claim that they can easily work out if someone is lying by 'tells' in their voice, mannerisms etc. I certainly can't do that.
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    JellyelephantJellyelephant Posts: 1,878 Extreme Poster
    It's hard to tell when someone is lying
    The sun will rise and we will try again 
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just straight up ask them. Be like 'I don't mind if you don't want to see me again or be friends - I'd much prefer your honesty' or something. Just don't be a jerk if she is honest with you and it's maybe not exactly what you were wanting and/or expecting to hear.
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