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Bit of my story -sexual abuse

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi I've been an offline lurker for a while but only just made an account. I wanted to share a bit of my story now. At 8,9 and 10 I was sexually abused by my step father. I am 15 now. I keep going back to them places of being abused and having funny feelings in my head. I didnt report him because he loved me and I loved him (he made me believe that). He would make me do things and wear things for him. Since I have coped by dissociating also keep putting myself in vunerable postitions going out late at night in parks and hoping someone will harm me again. Ive been told this is sexual self injury. I am so messed up in the head from all the abuse I suffered I don't know how to move on. I have CPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) and agoraphobia.

Hayley.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Feel suicidal regularly aswell and I am sick of it. I want to end it so I dont keep getting these suicidal thoughts.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi HWX,
    You're not alone in the mix, trust me, I know it's a long and painful road but you'll find what you need.
    Sending love and hugs
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey HMX,
    Sorry to hear what you've gone through, are you currently receiving any support for this such as counselling or therapy?
    With things such as PTSD there are some therapies that help you block the memories out so they won't have as much of an impact on your life.
    I just want to echo what flying hope says as well, you're definitely not alone and there are many people on here who have gone through similar
    Sending hugs,
    Hiccup
  • ShaunieShaunie England 🏠Posts: 6,705 The Mix Elder
    I hope you are getting help for this. People cope very differently and nothing to be ashamed of. It doesn't make you messed up. And is normal to feel and do things, when we are ill.
    I suffer from sexual self harm. A form that is different from what you have mentioned. But I feel very disgusting and ashamed of what i do. Because it doesn't feel a normal thing to do, even if iam mentally ill. But everyone is different and copesdifferenly. And youre not alone. And definitely dont deserve harm.
    “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care” Marvin J. Ashton
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi, it sounds like you are going through a really rough time. I was sexually abused between the ages of 10 and 12 and didn't tell anyone initially. I went to the police eventually when I was 15 (I am now 24) but that is not me saying that you should or you shouldn't go. It is natural to have a range of feelings and I also understand PTSD a little bit but understand that everyone is different. What I do know is that you don't deserve this and deserve to be loved and to look after yourself.

    Have you ever spoken to anyone about this?

    Hope you are okay
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