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Housingg

LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 The Mix Regular
been to look around a 'female shared supported house' today and it's like an hour and a half away from where my mum lives and it's in a big city where I don't know the area or anybody but it's the only place that have accepted me so I am moving in on Saturday. I'm unsure wether this is the right thing but I felt forced to say yes as there is no where else that will have me due to my complex needs. I felt compelled to say yes and I don't understand due to my lack of awareness wether something is right or wrong and in making choices ect. It's going to take some time to have my support system set up in the new area. I need to register at a new doctors surgery and get my medication sorted and get the gp to put in a referal in for counselling and therapy. Maybe I might get further with my mental health in a different city *wishful thinking* :') feel completely overwhelmed, scared. I came back and had a cry because I don't understand in my mind wether this is the right thing to be doing or not? So I'm just going along with it but which is quite dangerous.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey @I believe,

    It's completely natural to feel scared and reluctant about moving somewhere new. There is always a lot to think about; but you and your wellbeing do come first, so it's great that you're already thinking about setting up a support system :yes:

    How are you settling in so far? :)
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear
    Hey I believe,
    It sounds like you have really mixed feelings about this move - and that's understandable. How was your first night?

    Often with big life decisions like this there's no way of knowing which way it will go for sure - so try not to beat yourself up about feeling confused. None of us can see into the future so there are points in life where we take the plunge with new experiences so that we can learn something, gain confidence and get to know ourselves better in terms of what feels beneficial and what might not work for us at all.

    On the one hand - it's potentially a lot of change and far from your mum etc - on the other, this may be an environment you could really benefit from and move forwards in your life.

    I wonder whether getting a hold on some of the practical tasks might be helpful in terms of distracting from some of the fears you have that might be based on unknown factors? Do you like lists for example?

    We've got a campaign on The Mix at the moment about home truths - it has a range of stories submitted by young people - it can be helpful to know there are others who are or have been in the same boat: http://www.themix.org.uk/your-voices/campaigns/your-home-truths

    Also not sure if you've checked out our Home Truths App? http://www.themix.org.uk/apps-and-tools/home-truths would love to hear what you think :)


  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 The Mix Regular
    Hi both :) hmmm my first night was ok thanks. I don't think it's an area I can benefit from as it's a rough area but I had to move. My mum dosent like me being here but I have to give it a go. I'm very timid and low confidence and was like a scared little girl in one of the hostels I was in last year the one I got raped in and obviousy been like a scared little girl since the rape. However I just need to grow some balls and stick up for myself my mum says those are bad people though but if I gore some balls I'll be ok..like I was scared to evan walk out of my room across the landin to go to the toilet in the b&b bit I think that may have been because it's mix sex so hopefully being in a female house I won't be so scares just going to the toilet. It's benefital that's it's female house and hopefully it will work out. No I don't do lists, I write everything on my phone but I don't think that will help distract the fears I have living here. I don't think anyone has been in the same boat as me lol. I think I did but is it available on Android?
  • MikeMike Screen addict ๐ŸŽฎ LondonPosts: 2,916 Community Manager
    I want to commend you on going ahead with this in the end, despite all the (understandable) uncertainty and worry. It's impressive to see you being so proactive and courageous with everything. :)

    I also wanted to touch on something you said which struck me:
    I'm very timid and low confidence and was like a scared little girl in one of the hostels I was in last year the one I got raped in and obviousy been like a scared little girl since the rape. However I just need to grow some balls and stick up for myself my mum says those are bad people though but if I gore some balls I'll be ok..like I was scared to evan walk out of my room across the landin to go to the toilet in the b&b bit I think that may have been because it's mix sex so hopefully being in a female house I won't be so scares just going to the toilet.

    While I can totally understand the 'grow a pair' perspective, especially from someone of an older generation, I think it's worth really trying to bear in mind that everything you're feeling is both reasonable and understandable given the circumstances, and that struggling here is not a sign of weakness or need to just sack up and deal with it.

    Yeah, there are bound to be elements of courage and confidence building involved, but it's absolutely okay to take that (as well as everything else) at your own pace. It would be unreasonable to expect you to simply 'get a grip' and it's important not to let these sorts of comments make you feel like you're making a big deal out of things, because you're truly not. :)

    How are you getting on with things at the mo?

    Oh, and I believe the app should indeed be available on android. :)
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 The Mix Regular
    Haha that's funny it struck you. I am doing OK. Ughhh apart from feeling crawlies on my skin which is a common thing for me when there are no crawlies on my skin but I hate ittttttt!!! There's 5rooms and there's only me and one other girl at the moment but she's troublesome (smoking in her room and having people stop over) which both are not allowed. I picked up a registration form for a gp surgery today and got to hand that in in the morning and had to go to urgent care to get my tablets as I run out tomorrow and the gp surgery couldn't give them me as I'm not registered yet but now have a fortnight's supply of perscribed medication now and lots of painkillers..very tempting. I'm feeling incredibly lonely and don't feel able to text the Samaritans I've text them for like everynight since I moved in Saturday. I do need to grow some balls I'm too scared about everything. I shouldn't be scared to go to the toilet. Urrrm I've read a bad review about this supported living project I'm not too sure about them yet. I only saw someone today from there since I moved in on Saturday. I don't really know I want to cry and I want a huge teddy (yes I'm 21 and want a huge teddy) to cuddle. When I was young and evan now I would ask my mum for a cuddle and she would say no not now I'm busy. I just want love and care. The voices are also telling me ways to end my own life..I don't know :'( I searched home truths on google play store and it had no results.
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 The Mix Regular
    16+ team took me of my mum when I was 16 because she was physical towards me and she was more interested in men as she still is now she cannot go without a man. 16+team put me in a safebase in a hostel at 16 when I turned 17 I went into St.basils and left there just before my 19th I got a flat I bit on as a move on. I did well at my flat first but then I got into this massive hole and neglected everything bills,didn't cook,didn't wash myself,didn't clean my flat and I was doing something which I won't say because it's disgusting and you probably haven't heard anything like it. Hmm I took many overdoses but on one occasion my mum knew I took an overdose she called an ambo I went to A&E was medically checked and was sectioned while I was sectioned they deep cleaned my flat and discharged me so not long after the same happened again to my flat and I decided that it was a hazord my flat so I slept rough for abit urrrm and then I was eventually referred to a hostel last year in July I was there 2weeks and got raped so I moved out into another hostel (the same hostel where I was before in the safebase) errrm and was there untill April the 11th this year and got kicked out on that day as I didn't go out for fire alarms because I would rather get killed in a fire and because I had a male key worker now obviously because what happened I wasent comfortable with a male key worker errm and because I went out to a bridge and wanted to end my life many of time and staff actually ran after me one night and called the police Jun was put on section 136 twice in 2 nights so I was too much of a high risk aswell so they kicked me out for those reasons. The council put me in a b&b the same day April the 11th and I've been in the b&b since Saturday when I moved here which is suppursingly run by a supported living project and it's a female shared house. Heyyy I just felt like telling you all that lol
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 The Mix Regular
    The council was not too far of from kicking me out of the b&b aswell as they was going to say I made myself intentionally homeless from the hostel I got kicked out of (reasons above^) and no other supported living arrangements would accept me in the area my family are nearer too so that is why I felt compelled to say yes to this shared house but I'm like a scared little girl waiting to be told there's somewhere better and having permission to move but there is no where so unless I get shot which in this area happens frequently or something dramatic happens like that nobody will move me. I don't think people are thinking about my safety, there's an awful review about this supported living project and if that dosent raise concerns for people about my safety then well..
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 The Mix Regular
    I was on a waiting list for counselling from my rape sexual abuse support centre but because I've moved areas I won't be offered that anymore and I've done a quick search to see if there's a rape sexual abuse support centre here but there isn't. So I might just have to ask my gp (when I get registered) to refer me to some general counselling. I had a befriend aswell but not going to see her anymore so I want to know if there's a befriending kind of thing round here (that will be good as I don't know my way round or know anybody here) I've been referred to some general floating support because I'm not putting my hopes on this project that's it's supported (I think it's just house support) but I need more general support aswell. Where I am now there's something called 'healthy minds' but I need to be registered at a gp before I can ask the gp to refer me (or I can refer myself) errrm I need my medication sorted out I want my quetiapine upped and I want other medication aswell. And breath (sorry about the separate paragraphs) I dont actually know if anyone will read all of this haha..oh dear, oh well
  • StephSteph Moderator Posts: 448 Boards Initiate
    Hi I believe, :wave:

    Thanks for sharing all of this with us. Reading through your story and your experiences it sounds like you've been through a really tough time, its really positive that you've come here to look for some help and support for yourself with whats going on. How do you feel today after writing this all down here yesterday? :chin:

    Sounds like you're concerned about the support living project you've been placed in as there's an awful review about it and that you don't know your way around or know anybody where you are at the moment. You mentioned in one of your messages that it's a female shared house, have you been able to speak to any of the people you share the house with at all?

    There's also our local services finder where you can look for services in your local area which might be useful to have a look at.

    You were saying that you need to be registered with a GP before you can ask for a referral and you want to ask about your medication too. Let us know how it goes with sorting out a new GP.

    Feel free to keep writing and posting more here if you find that its helpful to. :yes:

    We're here to listen and support you! *hug*
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 The Mix Regular
    Hi Steph. We have the same name ๐Ÿ˜Ž

    I feel OK atm not long woke up I took my sleeping meds at midnight I think I can't remember what time I fell asleep but anyway not long woke up. So I missed taking my gp registration form in arghhhh the lady on reception said I have to take it in between 8am and 9am which is very odd! I might have to not take my sleeping meds tonight so I can pop it in in the morning. It was fine writing all that down..did you actually read it all lol?


    Yeah I think there's only 1 other girl here at the moment and I've spoken to her (she is trouble some) so I won't make friends with her, actually I'm not sure if another has just moved in I have suspicions that there is.

    I will do ๐Ÿ˜Š thankyou ๐ŸŒธ
  • MikeMike Screen addict ๐ŸŽฎ LondonPosts: 2,916 Community Manager
    How are you getting on in the new place? Managed to settle in a little? :)
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 The Mix Regular
    Yeah getting on ok thankyou and yeah settled in a little ๐Ÿ™ƒ
  • StephSteph Moderator Posts: 448 Boards Initiate
    that's great to hear Steph :thumb:
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