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Anyone have any dating advice...

StephSteph ModeratorPosts: 448 Boards Initiate

Amy* has a chronic illness, she has Rokitansky syndrome, a condition where the uterus is very small or non-existent which can make having sex difficult and painful.

People who have Rokitansky syndrome are often stigmatised because of their condition.

She was engaged when she was 21 and when she told her fiancé about the condition, he broke off the engagement and left her. The most hurtful thing was being abandoned when her partner found out about her condition.

Amy* is now really cautious about dating because she is worried about the reaction she will get about her condition. She isn't sure how to tell people about her condition and when is the most appropriate time to bring it up.

She has met someone on-line that she really likes, it’s going really well but they have only exchanged a few messages so far and now Amy* is starting to get worried about how he will react when he find out about her condition.

Should Amy* tell him about her condition and if so how should she tell him and when?

*not a true story


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    1. Yes
    2. Not too early, but before they have sex (if it makes sex very difficult, which it does not seem to do, as she could keep this information from her fiance for long), otherwise maybe a month into dating or so. You cannot control how others will react to it. Waiting longer and "trapping" people in a relationship is unfair to them.
    3. "I have Rokitansky Syndrome, which means I have a very small/no uterus. It can make sex difficult and I will not be able to have children." Simple and straight.
  • JamesJames Posts: 1,706 Extreme Poster
    Some interesting (and concisely-made) points there StrubbleS.
    You've explained why you don't think she should wait too long to tell him, but why do you think she shouldn't talk about her condition too early on either?

    Has anyone on The Mix ever had to talk to a partner about a health condition? Would you agree with Strubbles?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Some things have no business being mentioned on the early dates, health stuff being usually among them. It should be carefree and the exchanged information should be rather "superficial" in my opinion. When you get to know each other you want to know about interests, hobbies, passions maybe achievements and goals and not ailments, discomforts, problems and worries.

    When it's clear this is going somewhere, then of course it must be discussed.
  • StephSteph Moderator Posts: 448 Boards Initiate
    Thanks for your replies Strubbles and for joining in the discussion :thumb:

    You were saying that when you get to know each other you want to know about interests and hobbies etc and not ailments, discomforts, problems and worries. Thanks for sharing this, what makes you say that, could you say more about this?

    Similarly you were saying that some things like health stuff have no business being mentioned on the early dates and it should be carefree, what makes you say this?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Date's are supposed to be fun! Talking about things you do for entertainment and fulfillment are usually fun. Having fun, being entertained makes for a memorable time you want to do again. Nobody wants to be sick or poor and talking about those things does not bring happiness or satisfaction. I don't know why this is so difficult to grasp.

    Please don't ask me next why people like to do things they derive enjoyment from or why they are dating to begin with or this becomes philosophical.
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