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Controlling my anger

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I have a bit of a problem my girlfriend keep saying when we argue she just using me for sex and then I get angry and hit her what can I do to see if she's really using me and also stop getting so angry that I hit her

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    AifeAife Community Manager Posts: 3,031 Boards Guru
    Hi Gkuhl,

    Welcome to the forums :) It is great that you have posted on the forum. Does she say this every time you argue? If so, she might just be saying this because she knows that it gets you angry without any truth to it. Controlling anger and refraining from hitting can be difficult, but it is something that can be worked on. There is some good advice on TheMix/TheSite on how to deal with anger.

    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    She says it everytime we get into an argument
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    **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Hi Gkuhl,
    I agree it's good that you have felt able to post about this situation and what's really positive is that you are looking for support on how to manage things differently.

    You haven't given us that much detail about your relationship - but have highlighted two red flags - 1) your girlfriend keeps saying something very upsetting to you which undermines you and the relationship and 2) you respond to these insults with violence.

    This might be hard to hear, but it sounds like an abusive relationship on both sides - on the one hand your girlfriend is verbally abusing you, and on the other you are physically abusing her.

    Have you thought about taking some time out while you're working on your anger management? It might be that while you're struggling to control your reactions, it could be safer for you to keep some distance while you explore what triggers these arguments and perhaps get some support to understand what's going on? You are at risk of damaging each other more seriously if this cycle continues.

    You might find it helpful to talk to someone in a 1-2-1 setting, for example couple connection offers a confidential listening room to give you the opportunity to explore what's going on within the relationship : http://thecoupleconnection.net/pages/thelisteningroom-whatisthis

    You might also find it helpful to talk a bit more here about what kinds of things you argue about with your girlfriend and how often these situations occur - we can't give you advice about what to do, but we can try and help you make sense of your situation in order to make decisions going forwards.

    We hope you feel able to come back to talk more about this.

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