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Update...Nana is poorly, coping with mental health...

*BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
Hi,

I really don't know what to say in this thread I guess I just need to get things out of my own head.

My Nanna is really poorly, we are unsure how long she has left, she is tired. I am struggling with accepting this and I don't think it has sunk in yet that we are going to lose her to this illness. I guess I feel numb and empty. I feel like a rubbish person cos I haven't cried, I haven't shown any emotions to the fact that my Nanna is dying. I can't face seeing her cos of how ill and tired she is. I know I need to see her more, just another reason why I am a crap person really.

I really want to recover, and I have accepted that I need to sort my life out. I am slowly learning new ways of coping with my mental health, and I am putting things in place to help myself.

I feel stuck like I want to get better, but part of me just wants to sleep til everything is okay again.

I don't know.

I am worried about the day that it actually hits me about my Nanna but I am unsure if I am doing the whole process wrong.

:(

" And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi *BananaMonkey*,

    Sorry to hear about your Nanna *hug* it must be so hard and upsetting. You are not a crap person at all, and crying doesn't mean you care more or less. Posting here already shows how much you care.
    It's hard with social pressures to be sure of what is the "right" way to deal with these kind of situations - but the reality is; there is no right or wrong way to handle this and no right or wrong way to "process" this. What you feel is what you feel and it's different for everybody. The important thing is to follow your gut reaction and allow yourself to feel what you feel, even if it appears different. Every one will deal with things in their own way and in their own time.

    Also your strength in this sentence is inspiring;
    I really want to recover, and I have accepted that I need to sort my life out. I am slowly learning new ways of coping with my mental health, and I am putting things in place to help myself.

    You sounds more self aware and aware of your Nanna's situation than you might think. It's not because you don't act like everyone else, or how everyone else expects you to, that you're not dealing with this. Having mental health is also a whole other ball game and juggling everything is tough, so try not to be too hard on yourself.
    Have you spoken to close family and friends about your feelings? They might feel more similar to you than you think.

    Do let us know how you're doing :heart:
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you for your reply. It means a lot.

    I havent really spoken to anyone properly about it all. But I guess that is my way of dealing with it. And cos I havent accepted it I dont feel like I need to talk about it.

    I'm just worried that I wont accept it.

    I dont know how I am feeling. Been up most of the night thinking about things. Also been awake with toothache. :/ wisdom tooth pain.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    apandavapandav Posts: 2,072 Boards Champion
    Just wanted to give you a *hug*

    I know how it feels, when someone you love is so poorly- it's hard. I also struggled to accept it when my nan wasn't well at all, so your not alone. I think it's just a shock when you find out that someone who's been there your whole life, doesn't have much time left! I agree with Christele- everyone deals with it in their own way.

    On an positive note, just wanted to say it's great that you are learning new coping mechanisms!
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thank you for your reply. :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I am trying to stay strong, but its so hard when all I want to do is be destructive every night.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Not wanting to see her is understanable. I remember when we were younger, (I was a teenager at the time) mum's Grandma was seriously ill. We weren't allowed to see her because mum didn't want us to remember her in that way.

    People show emotion differently. It doesn't make you a rubbish person. I know I was rather "ok" when Granddad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I then went upstairs, sat there and crired my eyes out. When I was told he died, I was rather "ok" about the whole thing again. It didn't seem real, if that makes any sense? It, from experience, takes time to sink in what's really happening. It wasn't until the funeral that it had sunk in that he'd really gone. 2 people (mum and cousin) sat either side crying their eyes out, didn't help at all!

    There's no right or wrong way of dealing with this.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hug*

    Really sorry to hear about your nana.

    I went through a similar thing when my nana passed away. It was almost impossible for me to be able to see her and there were times when I didn't. She developed dementia and because it progressed pretty quickly, she didn't recognise me half of the time. It hurt a lot and I could barely cope with it.

    As everyone else has said, it really does take time for everything to surface. You need time to process everything. Please don't beat yourself because you can't quite manage things right now. It's okay, you're not meant to. Take it easy on yourself. :heart:
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Thanks for your replies. I just wish I could go away. Somewhere away from everything and everyone. I really just need somebody to tell me everything is going to be okay.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I feel really low, I am struggling with many things right now. My head feels like it's going to explode. I just feel so lost. I am trying, I am really trying but it's so difficult.

    :'(
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Struggling :(
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    *hug*

    This is such a hard time. It's okay to be sad and upset and struggling so don't feel you have to be alright all the time.

    Let us know what's been going on and keep posting.
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    Jo7 wrote: »
    *hug*

    This is such a hard time. It's okay to be sad and upset and struggling so don't feel you have to be alright all the time.

    Let us know what's been going on and keep posting.

    Thanks for your reply Jo

    I just feel weird like I haven't felt myself in a while, but I don't know if that's due to the amount of physical pain I am in due to constant toothache.

    Battling urges is so hard, and I don't want to relapse.

    I feel like I don't even have friends anymore either. Can't talk to family either. I just feel alone.

    Have to be okay I guess.

    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    apandavapandav Posts: 2,072 Boards Champion
    How are you feeling now *BananaMonkey* ?

    Sending *hug* s
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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    apandav wrote: »
    How are you feeling now *BananaMonkey* ?

    Sending *hug* s

    I relapsed last night :'(

    But that was mainly due to being treated like crap at work yesterday. I know I shouldnt let work upset me like I do..

    I feel like I have let myself down, and failed at recovery. I can't do this anymore.

    Thanks for your reply :heart:
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Banana Monkey

    Im sorry you are having such a tough time of things. It sounds to me like you are a real trooper - not a failure at all. I think that getting over something painful is a bit of a journey in itself - sometimes we can go off piste a bit, and lose the trail, but that doesn't mean all is lost. The brave thing is to get back up and try and again.

    I just want to give you a *hug*Im also sorry that work affected you - I know how that feels! It might be worth remembering that work is a potential trigger for you in the future, and try and take steps to manage it if you can? So if you feel work is bringing you down - perhaps you could suggest to your manager you leave early that day?

    As Jo7 said, it's ok to feel upset and down sometimes, we're here for you - whenever you want to chat :yes:

    x

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    *BananaMonkey**BananaMonkey* Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
    I am feeling so bad about this weekend away, but I kind of have to go, like I can't not go, it's not an option. I was okay but now it's here I am full of worry and paranoia. I can't deal with this.
    " And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
    " So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
    '' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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