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Update...Nana is poorly, coping with mental health...
Former Member
Lyrical PosterPosts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
Hi,
I really don't know what to say in this thread I guess I just need to get things out of my own head.
My Nanna is really poorly, we are unsure how long she has left, she is tired. I am struggling with accepting this and I don't think it has sunk in yet that we are going to lose her to this illness. I guess I feel numb and empty. I feel like a rubbish person cos I haven't cried, I haven't shown any emotions to the fact that my Nanna is dying. I can't face seeing her cos of how ill and tired she is. I know I need to see her more, just another reason why I am a crap person really.
I really want to recover, and I have accepted that I need to sort my life out. I am slowly learning new ways of coping with my mental health, and I am putting things in place to help myself.
I feel stuck like I want to get better, but part of me just wants to sleep til everything is okay again.
I don't know.
I am worried about the day that it actually hits me about my Nanna but I am unsure if I am doing the whole process wrong.
I really don't know what to say in this thread I guess I just need to get things out of my own head.
My Nanna is really poorly, we are unsure how long she has left, she is tired. I am struggling with accepting this and I don't think it has sunk in yet that we are going to lose her to this illness. I guess I feel numb and empty. I feel like a rubbish person cos I haven't cried, I haven't shown any emotions to the fact that my Nanna is dying. I can't face seeing her cos of how ill and tired she is. I know I need to see her more, just another reason why I am a crap person really.
I really want to recover, and I have accepted that I need to sort my life out. I am slowly learning new ways of coping with my mental health, and I am putting things in place to help myself.
I feel stuck like I want to get better, but part of me just wants to sleep til everything is okay again.
I don't know.
I am worried about the day that it actually hits me about my Nanna but I am unsure if I am doing the whole process wrong.
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Comments
Sorry to hear about your Nanna *hug* it must be so hard and upsetting. You are not a crap person at all, and crying doesn't mean you care more or less. Posting here already shows how much you care.
It's hard with social pressures to be sure of what is the "right" way to deal with these kind of situations - but the reality is; there is no right or wrong way to handle this and no right or wrong way to "process" this. What you feel is what you feel and it's different for everybody. The important thing is to follow your gut reaction and allow yourself to feel what you feel, even if it appears different. Every one will deal with things in their own way and in their own time.
Also your strength in this sentence is inspiring;
You sounds more self aware and aware of your Nanna's situation than you might think. It's not because you don't act like everyone else, or how everyone else expects you to, that you're not dealing with this. Having mental health is also a whole other ball game and juggling everything is tough, so try not to be too hard on yourself.
Have you spoken to close family and friends about your feelings? They might feel more similar to you than you think.
Do let us know how you're doing
I havent really spoken to anyone properly about it all. But I guess that is my way of dealing with it. And cos I havent accepted it I dont feel like I need to talk about it.
I'm just worried that I wont accept it.
I dont know how I am feeling. Been up most of the night thinking about things. Also been awake with toothache.
I know how it feels, when someone you love is so poorly- it's hard. I also struggled to accept it when my nan wasn't well at all, so your not alone. I think it's just a shock when you find out that someone who's been there your whole life, doesn't have much time left! I agree with Christele- everyone deals with it in their own way.
On an positive note, just wanted to say it's great that you are learning new coping mechanisms!
People show emotion differently. It doesn't make you a rubbish person. I know I was rather "ok" when Granddad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I then went upstairs, sat there and crired my eyes out. When I was told he died, I was rather "ok" about the whole thing again. It didn't seem real, if that makes any sense? It, from experience, takes time to sink in what's really happening. It wasn't until the funeral that it had sunk in that he'd really gone. 2 people (mum and cousin) sat either side crying their eyes out, didn't help at all!
There's no right or wrong way of dealing with this.
Really sorry to hear about your nana.
I went through a similar thing when my nana passed away. It was almost impossible for me to be able to see her and there were times when I didn't. She developed dementia and because it progressed pretty quickly, she didn't recognise me half of the time. It hurt a lot and I could barely cope with it.
As everyone else has said, it really does take time for everything to surface. You need time to process everything. Please don't beat yourself because you can't quite manage things right now. It's okay, you're not meant to. Take it easy on yourself.
This is such a hard time. It's okay to be sad and upset and struggling so don't feel you have to be alright all the time.
Let us know what's been going on and keep posting.
Thanks for your reply Jo
I just feel weird like I haven't felt myself in a while, but I don't know if that's due to the amount of physical pain I am in due to constant toothache.
Battling urges is so hard, and I don't want to relapse.
I feel like I don't even have friends anymore either. Can't talk to family either. I just feel alone.
Have to be okay I guess.
Sending *hug* s
I relapsed last night
But that was mainly due to being treated like crap at work yesterday. I know I shouldnt let work upset me like I do..
I feel like I have let myself down, and failed at recovery. I can't do this anymore.
Thanks for your reply
Im sorry you are having such a tough time of things. It sounds to me like you are a real trooper - not a failure at all. I think that getting over something painful is a bit of a journey in itself - sometimes we can go off piste a bit, and lose the trail, but that doesn't mean all is lost. The brave thing is to get back up and try and again.
I just want to give you a *hug*Im also sorry that work affected you - I know how that feels! It might be worth remembering that work is a potential trigger for you in the future, and try and take steps to manage it if you can? So if you feel work is bringing you down - perhaps you could suggest to your manager you leave early that day?
As Jo7 said, it's ok to feel upset and down sometimes, we're here for you - whenever you want to chat :yes:
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