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ShatteredSecretsShatteredSecrets NoobPosts: 186 Boards Initiate
Hiya guys..

I'm not really sure if this is a problem persay.. just somewhere I need a quick vent. Nobody has to read it I just.. Idk need to put it somewhere otherwise I will end up harming myself.

This evening I met with my best friend from secondary school. We stopped talking and haven't seen each other in 3 years. It was so lovely to see her again but this is where all the pleasantries end. She wanted to go out to eat tonight which was a MASSIVE struggle for me. I managed it but now I feel so panicky and just was to get rid of what I ate. I know in the logical part of my mind it wasn't a horrific meal but to me it feels so bad and wrong.

I also opened up to her about the sexual assault which happened when we were younger. Not in explicit detail but just to tell her that it happened. She was desperate to know who hurt me but I just couldn't tell her. I know she would go after him. I just feel so open and raw and don't know what to do. She now knows absolutely everything from that assault to bad home stuff to the suicide attempts. I just have no idea how to process what has happened tonight.

Sorry for the ranty venty emosh post guys. If anyone has read this, you don't have to reply but thanks for reading...

- ShatteredSecrets

I am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

Comments

  • AuroraAurora Part of the furniture Posts: 11,720 An Original Mixlorian
    Hello ShatteredSecrets, *hug*

    I'm not to sure what to say, but wanted to reply to reach out to you a bit more, what you did by opening up to an old friend takes an enormous amount of courage, often we can leave ourselves over-thinking aspects of it later, it's an awful feeling, but will hopefully help you in seeking more support for yourself, for example with mental health services, if not your friend. To have a friend who I was really close to, really helped in aiding aspects of my recovery, I wouldn't have been able to get to where I am now without them.

    Its positive to see you use this place as a way to vent - Are you currently getting any support for issues about eating, etc? Opening up about sensitive subjects sch as sexual abuse can leave us feeling numb, as by talking about it you allow old memories to come back up, memories we repressed etc. But there often steps towards recovery.

    Just remember to look after yourself, give yourself some self care, have a bubble bath, with extra bubbles or something! :heart:

    Keep us updated on how things are going for you ShatteredSecrets,

    Best wishes,
    WhispersOfTheHeart
  • ShatteredSecretsShatteredSecrets Noob Posts: 186 Boards Initiate
    Hiyaaa :wave:

    Thank you for replying!

    I am currently not receiving any help or support with my eating. This is mainly because anybody I have approached about it has dismissed me and turned me away. I did speak to my friend about it and it pisses her off too. She says that I need to find my own source of help or support because the people who should be doing it, will not at all. However, I am starting some short-term counselling next week but it will probably not be to focus on eating because obviously I don't have many sessions and they're not specialists.

    Thanks for giving up some of your time to read and reply to post my :)

    - ShatteredSecrets

    I am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.

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