I'm not really sure if this is a problem persay.. just somewhere I need a quick vent. Nobody has to read it I just.. Idk need to put it somewhere otherwise I will end up harming myself.
This evening I met with my best friend from secondary school. We stopped talking and haven't seen each other in 3 years. It was so lovely to see her again but this is where all the pleasantries end. She wanted to go out to eat tonight which was a MASSIVE struggle for me. I managed it but now I feel so panicky and just was to get rid of what I ate. I know in the logical part of my mind it wasn't a horrific meal but to me it feels so bad and wrong.
I also opened up to her about the sexual assault which happened when we were younger. Not in explicit detail but just to tell her that it happened. She was desperate to know who hurt me but I just couldn't tell her. I know she would go after him. I just feel so open and raw and don't know what to do. She now knows absolutely everything from that assault to bad home stuff to the suicide attempts. I just have no idea how to process what has happened tonight.
Sorry for the ranty venty emosh post guys. If anyone has read this, you don't have to reply but thanks for reading...
I am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.