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I have a dad who doesn't care.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
When I was littler I meant the world to my dad. He would do whatever to spend time with me. He would always tell me he loved me and he would always give me hugs and kisses on the cheek. But as I got older he started not to care. When he was my age he was doing drugs and drinking but when I was born he stopped. He still drank but not a lot. When I was six my dad had already gone through about 10 jobs. He couldn't keep and job and take care of his family so my mom kicked him out by the didn't care. About 5 months later he moved back in and he was drinking more. The same stuff kept happening till I was 12. My mom just got tired of him and divorced him. So he moved to Arkansas with my uncles. At first he called me every day but he slowly stopped calling. He called my sister and talked to her but he never called me. He never even made an effort to come see us. About a year later he moved to Texas. But when he did he started drinking way more than he ever had. He was buying a 6 pack a day. Sometimes two. A few months passed and he got advicted and moved in with my grandmother. She raises my two cousins. When he moved in with her he started buying 12 packs everyday. He was getting drunk every night. He still is. He met a new girl and they are currently dating. She has a baby to. He treats her baby more like a daughter than he does me. He's always blowing me and my sister of so he can get drunk with his girlfriend. I don't even remember the last time he said I love you. I want to tell him how bad his drinking has gotten but I'm scared to. I don't even really see a point. Recently he was supposed to pick me and my sister up but instead he got arrested for DWI. I think I should just throw him out of my life completely cause he's causing me all this pain. I cry my self to sleep a lot cause of him not caring about me anymore. I love my dad to death but he doesn't love me anymore. He lies to me and he gets mad when he has to spend money on me cause that's his "beer money". I just don't know what to do about him. I'm afraid that he's gonna end up dying cause of all the drinking he's doing. I need to tell him but Im scared he's gonna end up doing something to me that will really hurt me.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi haileynicole00 :wave:

    Thanks for sharing, it sounds like you've had some tough times with your Dad and you've done really well to cope with it all.

    It's totally normal to feel all the emotions you do, it seems that although he has caused you pain you love your Dad and just want to help him. You say that you need to do something to let him know how worried you are about his health but you're afraid he might do something to really hurt you- what do you fear he might do?

    If you don't feel you can talk to him, there are other ways you could try to communicate the message - have you considered writing it down?

    Here's an article that you might like to read - http://www.thesite.org/sex-and-relationships/family-life/my-mum-was-an-alcoholic-7998.html

    Remember that you're not on your own and that we're here for you, let us know how you're getting on.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Redrose wrote: »
    It's totally normal to feel all the emotions you do, it seems that although he has caused you pain you love your Dad and just want to help him. You say that you need to do something to let him know how worried you are about his health but you're afraid he might do something to really hurt you- what do you fear he might do?

    If you don't feel you can talk to him, there are other ways you could try to communicate the message - have you considered writing it down?

    :yes:

    It seems like you've already done really well getting through these tough times *hug* and it's not easy to deal with an alcoholic parent - especially as you felt close to him when you were younger and probably wonder why it's changed.

    Dealing with an addict is hard and is different then dealing with other people. They can be very defensive when confronted with their problem, and even though you will inevitably worry about him, he might find ways to push you away even more. But try to remember this is not your fault.

    Redrose's suggestion to write a letter is a great one - whether you decide to give it to him, or not, writing it all down can help. Would you consider that? Are you able to speak to your mum and sister about how you're feeling?

    When you can have a look at this article on alcoholic parents as well as the website of Children of addicted parents/people COAP, and Redrose's link.

    The information is for people living in the UK so might be different for you, but still could be helpful.

    Do let us know how you get on *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Haileynicole00 and welcome to the boards :wave:

    It sounds like it's been very tough on you to have dealt with the effects of your father's problems for so long, especially since you love and care for him despite all that's happened *hug*

    Everyone has given some great advice. With regards to putting your worries about your dad in writing instead of having a talk with him, that could be helpful in avoiding an angry confrontation and it also allows you to put more thought into all that you want to say without having to build up the courage to do it face to face.

    Just to pick up on what Christele said: is there anyone you can trust that you can talk with - such as your mum or sister) about how you are feeling and the situation with your dad? When you're under a lot of stress, it can help to be able to share your feelings rather than coping by yourself.

    I'm not sure how you'd feel about getting support from support groups geared towards friends and family of people with drinking problems, but that might be a good option if you ever feel like you need some extra support from other people who understand what it's like. Al-Anon is an organisation that offers such support group meetings in the US if you are interested in finding out more.

    Please feel free to keep posting here as much as you want and remember that you are not alone :)
  • SarahRSarahR Mod Posts: 213 Settling in
    There's been some great responses here already. I'd just like to add a link to Reach Out which offers support to young people in the USA. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello haileynicole00,

    I'm sorry to hear you feel this way but keep being strong!
    It's difficult when you get disconencted with a person that means a lot to you and it's also hard to deal with a person who is not well, but it seems that you have been coping quite well so far. Big hug!
    christele wrote: »
    Dealing with an addict is hard and is different then dealing with other people. They can be very defensive when confronted with their problem, and even though you will inevitably worry about him, he might find ways to push you away even more. But try to remember this is not your fault.

    Very wise Cristele's words, so keep them in mind. To add, as I understood you would like to help your dad with his trouble. If you do, it might be useful for you to have a look at this article: http://www.thesite.org/drink-and-drugs/addiction/how-can-i-help-an-addict-9710.html.

    By the way, I hope you are feeling better nowadays!
    Please keep us updated! :) We are here for you! Hug!
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