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Am I controlling
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So my gf(pregnant) is talking to a guy online(she doesn't know him irl) a lot and is talking about problems in our relationship with him, sending pictures of herself(fully clothed) to him and even talked about our sex life with him, so I asked her to not send pictures of herself or talk about our sex life with him and she agreed, but sent pics of herself(all fully clothed) multiple times after that and I found out and confronted her about it and she said sorry and promised she wouldn't do it again but then the next morning started crying I asked her why and she said because she wanted to break up with me and I asked why and she said because she doesn't love me anymore, I asked why again and she said because I am trying to control her and that she wants to be able to do whatever she wants, she argued for a bit and then I tried to leave the room and she jumped on my back and begged me to stay so I did and we talked for a while and made up and she agreed that she wasn't going to do it anymore and everything has been fine for the last few days, so yeah do you think I am being controlling?
I have not asked her to stop talking to him, I only ask that she doesn't send pictures of herself to him and to not talk about our sex life with him.
excuse my poor writing skills
I have not asked her to stop talking to him, I only ask that she doesn't send pictures of herself to him and to not talk about our sex life with him.
excuse my poor writing skills
0
Comments
From what you have said it doesn’t seem like you have been controlling.
When in a relationship it’s important to consider your partners feelings as well as your own which it doesn’t seem like your girlfriend has whilst she has been talking someone else online.
However the more prominent issue seems to be that your girlfriend has said she isn’t happy and doesn’t love you anymore.
Is it possible that your girlfriend is seeking things in this person online which are perhaps missing from your relationship?
It may be worth having an in-depth chat about your relationship to see if it’s what you both truly want and try and work on it from there if it is. If there are problems in the relationship these need to worked out between both of you.
All relationships go through rough patches – this may just be yours. However what’s important is that you are both on the same page.
Hope this helps
Then address that problem to her. Tell her it makes you feel like shit when she spends large amounts of time talking to some strange dude about your sex live (like wtf? Like you aren't part of your sex life and maybe don't want strangers to know all about it) and sending him pictures of her and that she should stop on her own accord without you having to tell her after hearing that it's emotionally taxing for you, because from the outside it looks like cheating-waiting-to-happen.
As StrubbleS says, what she's doing would cross most people's lines. I wonder how she would feel if you met a new girl online and started exchanging pictures and talking about your sex life? If you were fine with this, it would be fine, but she should be able to at least understand you being unhappy with it, and try and work forward with it.
It sounds like you've been very reasonable in saying that you're happy for her to keep chatting within certain boundaries. And that maybe she's using the term "controlling" in an unfair way? (e.g. if you wanted to kiss another girl and she told you not to, could you say she was trying to "control" your behaviour?).
You don't say how you've addressed the issue, but it can help to describe things from your point of view, e.g. "it makes me feel bad when you bad these things with that person" rather than "you shouldn't do those things and you have to stop now". But if she doesn't respond to that, then you do need to know where your limit is and be firm.
I hope that helps, let us know how it goes.
We talked about it and she said she isn't going to do it anymore because she understands how it makes me feel and that she would feel the same way if I was the one doing it.
It's good to know that you can have your limits and she can accept them. It's always worth checking that your boundaries are reasonable, and this is a good space to do that. So keep coming back if you need to bounce more things off us.