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Weight issues depressing me

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Warning: This will contain a lot of diet stuff which may create triggering for some.

Just feeling frustrated with my diet at the moment, and feel that I'm trying so hard with it but I'm not getting the right results. I still feel fat in my stomach despite losing a lot of weight since Christmas and my BMI is suggesting it's healthy weight.

My Dad has gone away for the weekend so I am spending it with my Mum so she done me some food, and feel into eating half a lemon drizzle tray cake. And stupidly ate a large cookie as a snack. And as a result I've consumed a lot of calories today according to MyFitnessPal which is pretty terrible.

I always feel guilty after I eat something high in fat or sugar, but it's because I've put myself under so much pressure to have this amazing body so I can find somebody. I have an appointment with a personal trainer on Tuesday so he can put me on a new strength training program and he'll do a body fat test. I feel that everything else looks great weight-wise but my stomach. Just so frustrating and a lot of pressure to juggle round making my parents happy (in terms of eating more) and wanting to look good myself.

Sorry but I just wanted somewhere to come in and express my feelings at the moment.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's alright, I know how you feel. I'm having some serious weight issues right now.

    I understand what this is like. I go through both anorexic and bulimic episodes, but for a few months now (since about March) I've been 75% anorexic, 10% bulimic, 5% binge eating and 10% orthorexic.. so I've been a bit of everything. But that's what made it so scary I think, my weight has been fluctuating crazily. I won't say the specific numbers though because I don't want to be anymore triggering. :S Besides, telling people my weight is the one thing I find incredibly hard to do.

    I guess I've been looking to do the same. I just want to express how hard these past few months have been in terms of my eating disorder. Anyone who has both anorexia and bulimia can confirm the amount of confusion inside your head, and the confusion is so much it's almost unbearable. Sometimes I just want to sit against the wall and cry my eyes out over what I've become.

    I'm wishing you the best and an e-hug all the way from my living room. I know my post may have been slightly pointless as there's not really any advice, but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone with these feelings. I've been where you are now so many fricking times I can't count. o.O
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you for replying. I just find it easier to put on weight than I do lose it. It usually appears more during the night than it does first thing in the morning. So I don't have a clue what my true weight is. I can't believe I can get so depressed after eating food, and feeling that I've let myself down after dieting. I just don't want to go back to where I was before. I've made a lot of progress since Christmas, and my parents eat junk food everyday (even though their meals are healthy) which isn't the best inspiration and feel that I should eat more. I'm so lonely so need to look better. :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm feeling a lot better now.

    Went for a 12 mile run today and found that I have a huge food 'allowance' for the rest of the day, and lost a few pounds in the process. Also had a very good, filling lunch (tuna salad) as well. So I guess I have one bad day, I can recover well the next.

    :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't worry, I know how this feels. I'm honestly terrified of tomorrow because I'm going to my auntie's for a BBQ, and then my sister's making ramen for dinner. The upside is my auntie's a vegetarian, so the BBQ will be involve things like veg, jacket potatoes and stuff, and maybe quorn sausages. None of which are very calorific. Besides if I get desperate, her house and garden is pretty big so I can always hide away somewhere and pretend I've eaten it. But I can't really get out of eating the ramen, I mean I could always say I don't feel well enough to eat it, but for some reason when my sister makes me meals I just can't lie to her, I feel more guilty that way.

    (only thing I'm dead scared about is that ramen is high-calorie :'(meh...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't worry, I know how this feels. I'm honestly terrified of tomorrow because I'm going to my auntie's for a BBQ, and then my sister's making ramen for dinner. The upside is my auntie's a vegetarian, so the BBQ will be involve things like veg, jacket potatoes and stuff, and maybe quorn sausages. None of which are very calorific. Besides if I get desperate, her house and garden is pretty big so I can always hide away somewhere and pretend I've eaten it. But I can't really get out of eating the ramen, I mean I could always say I don't feel well enough to eat it, but for some reason when my sister makes me meals I just can't lie to her, I feel more guilty that way. At least if I do eat her dinner then I can do some exercise afterwards.

    (only thing I'm dead scared about is that ramen is high-calorie :'( once I'm done with this fast in a few hours I'm gonna build up my calories very slowly to prepare for it...and then I should be alright...meh...)

    Maybe you should have your own thread because this is hardly helpful advice.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I can understand if you don't want me to start talking about my experiences on someone else's topic, and I understand if you don't want my advice to be useless for that person...even though that's the way I personally connect with people...but please, please watch the way you word things.

    Every time I come here I'm terrified of getting responses like that, I may look like a hard tough shell but I crack easily and just some simple words like that can make a load of difference to my emotions. Please think about what you say before you say it, or at least word it differently.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    aloneinmusic, I think what you maybe need to realise on this thread is wavy is struggling losing weight yes, but he is doing it the healthy way, by exercising and reducing his calories. you talking about hiding food in the garden etc isn't helpful to him, as it seems you may have more of an eating disorder. hope you can get help with that, maybe by starting your own thread :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey guys,

    Looks like there are a few things going on here - first things first, I've edited out all the specific references to weight and calorie amounts. Thanks for adding a trigger warning at the start wavy but we do remind people in the user guide to be careful when talking about diets:
    We promote healthy eating at TheSite.org and have found that many of our members suffer from eating disorders, so no diet stuff please. Also, try to avoid posting details about your specific weight; it can lead to other users comparing themselves when things like height and age will always need to be taken into account.

    I can see wavy that you're focusing on healthy eating and there's no harm in mentioning that. However, from what you have said it sounds like it's all the feelings connected to this that are the hardest for you. Would that be right? For example, I can hear that you're very aware of this pressure you've put on yourself around focusing on your appearance and wanting to find a partner. It's important to remember that people are attracted to all shapes and sizes and what will be most appealing to someone will be how you feel in your own skin - do you think that being fitter and healthier generally is helping you to feel more confident for example?

    It's also worth considering, with any fitness or healthy eating regime, allowing yourself a treat once in a while - do you think you could work that in to your healthy eating plan at all to avoid those guilty feelings? I wonder as well if talking to your trainer a bit about how you've been feeling might help? They may also have some useful advice :chin:

    Al0neinmusic - as Firey says, you're both struggling with food and your weight and your body image in very different ways so starting your own thread might not be a bad idea so that you can explore your options for support as well. I can see in what you've written that you can perhaps relate to some of wavy's feelings of guilt after eating for example, and responding here was your way of showing wavy he's not alone in that, as well as helping wavy to feel heard in what he's going through :yes:

    You're also more than welcome to start your own thread, that's to make sure that you can also benefit from support focused on your own feelings - when it comes to talking about difficulties with food,as I'm sure you know, it's often wrapped up in a lot of really complicated feelings both before and after eating.

    So - rather than focusing on the amounts and methods for avoiding food for example it would be more helpful to share some of those feelings and explore where they might be coming from.

    *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey guys, just to let you know that I'm doing loads better now. Lost a bit from last night after my run, and have treated myself today. My mum's baked a lemon drizzle cake so looking forward to a slice of that.

    I've also downloaded an app called 30 Day Challenge where I do specific core exercises for about 5 minutes at home each day, as well as going to the gym on Tuesday to get my workout plan.

    Thank you Jo for editing my post, I apologise for mentioning specific details so I'm glad you took that out. And also for your advice, I always find it helpful and keep it in my mind. I was thinking last night that my failure to attract girls may be due to the fact that I don't go out much so need to look at that.

    I hope Aloneinmusic gets better soon too, I'd recommend to you Alone to use app MyFitnessPal if you have a smartphone, will give you a rough idea of what you can eat in goals you set up. I use it everyday and find it very helpful. Also I'd recommend to eat more healthy foods and like Jo said to treat yourself once in a while, I've found that weight loss is better done gradually. I'm wishing you the best. :)
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