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Want to give up
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've been trying to put this thread off because I feel like, this is what I want to do, so why talk about it and drone on, again? But then I guess it must be because I'm scared of hurting the people that this would hurt.
I've been feeling quite low recently, I assume 'low' because I don't want to do anything and if I do it takes so much effort. I have this 'meh' attitude towards things and if there is something I have to do it just seems, and then is, so tiring. I don't want to leave the house, right now I'm trying to put off the shopping trip I was supposed to go on today, which I know won't last and eventually I will need to go. I have the urge to cry a lot, sometimes I can fight it, other times I can't. I like to isolate myself away.
I say 'low' but I feel stressed, I feel useless, sometimes I feel frustrated and I get snappy with people, I feel like the little things are pointless. It's like I'm living in my own little world, but it's not a good world, and all that I know are these feelings and things that have happened/are happening, things that I wish I had done differently, things I'd go back in time to tell myself to get a grip and do what I need to do.
I want to give up, end it all, easy option. Don't know how, don't know when, I just want to. What scares me though, is the fact I'll hurt people? I'll cause even more hurt and damage to peoples lives. That's all I ever do.
At the moment, everything is just 'uh'. My nephew, I love him so much, and he loves me, but even my nephew is making me feel stressed at the moment because he can be a little grumpy. Not his fault, I know. I feel like a bitch even saying he makes me feel stressed! I shouldn't be saying that.
I don't why I'm making this thread.
I've been feeling quite low recently, I assume 'low' because I don't want to do anything and if I do it takes so much effort. I have this 'meh' attitude towards things and if there is something I have to do it just seems, and then is, so tiring. I don't want to leave the house, right now I'm trying to put off the shopping trip I was supposed to go on today, which I know won't last and eventually I will need to go. I have the urge to cry a lot, sometimes I can fight it, other times I can't. I like to isolate myself away.
I say 'low' but I feel stressed, I feel useless, sometimes I feel frustrated and I get snappy with people, I feel like the little things are pointless. It's like I'm living in my own little world, but it's not a good world, and all that I know are these feelings and things that have happened/are happening, things that I wish I had done differently, things I'd go back in time to tell myself to get a grip and do what I need to do.
I want to give up, end it all, easy option. Don't know how, don't know when, I just want to. What scares me though, is the fact I'll hurt people? I'll cause even more hurt and damage to peoples lives. That's all I ever do.
At the moment, everything is just 'uh'. My nephew, I love him so much, and he loves me, but even my nephew is making me feel stressed at the moment because he can be a little grumpy. Not his fault, I know. I feel like a bitch even saying he makes me feel stressed! I shouldn't be saying that.
I don't why I'm making this thread.
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Comments
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling down.
I have a friend at the moment that's feeling like this and the best way we knew to help was to find a different little world, reading a fantasy book or watching a film (preferably sci-fi) seemed like a good idea. I find that the best way to lift her moods are stories, talking about something that happened in my house or talking to her about a book i had read or an episode of a program i've been watching. Maybe there's something that can take your mind away from your own world and to another world??
Hope this helped
I'm trying to focus on plans that I've got with people but.. I don't know, my shitty messed up head/life just ends up overtaking anything good.
Sorry to hear how you are struggling *hug* I agree with Louise S about finding something to keep your mind of things. I have noticed you said you have plans, what are those plans? It's not always easy to focus on things but at these times when it's hard they do help a little
purple_rain
I keep thinking about my prescription tablets. I don't know exactly what I'd do, or even if I would end up doing something, but I do know that I want to, I want to take too many. I'll be getting them on Thursday, only a few days. I also desperately want to cut my arms, but I can't even do it there because I have to try and keep it hidden.
I don't want life, not like this, not when I can't control it. I can't even control my fears or my emotions or my thoughts, let alone my whole life. I can't do it, it's too hard.
I'm tired.
I think you posted this because you need someone to go to, and you know this is a place of caring people.
You say you want to end it all- have you started talking to a councilor that can help you sort through this? It's a great start to come in here and open up. Continue your fight to feel better. Do you have anyone in person you can go to that can support you throughout this? Plan to get together, grab some coffee and talk. Exercising, especially with a friend, can also really help. If it's nothing more than walking on a regular basis, it helps. It will get you out, and feeling good physically.
With feelings of worthlessness- have you tried volunteering anywhere? It's not as corny as some think it is- now days, there are a ton of ways you can feel like you mean something, and while doing something you like anyway. PM me if you don't know where to start. I can help ya
Encouraging you and letting you know someone cares helps my own feelings of worthlessness. I recently messed up big time, and ended up in jail for a little bit. It's on my record for life. It follows me around like a black cloud, hindering all the good I WANT to do because all people see is that mess up. I can't give up, though- I have too much to offer. I just have to find creative ways to give back/help others/make some positive in this world.
Don't give up- look for the root of these feelings, and deal with them- don't succumb to them. Good luck. If you need someone to PM I'm here.
Don't get me wrong- I'm no cured cutter, and I still don't deal with things the way I should all the time. As I learn from life and from others, I do a little better than from where I started. The answer, much as I hate it, is facing the actual problem head on. I don't alwaus know how to, so I go friends, or in specific cases, Narcotics Annonymus. I've grown a lot from this site, too. A variety of places to turn helps a lot. I still have a lot of work to do, but I've learned enough to share to hopefully help someone.
There's no point talking about things. Yes, I could ramble on for hours about everything if I wanted to, explain all of the thoughts in my head about everything that has happened and is happening, but there really is no point. Talking about things isn't going to change anything, isn't going to change what happened, isn't going to change how I feel. I'm stuck, it's that simple. I've sunk and I am continuously sinking that little bit deeper everyday.
I wish I could just sleep for a bit now, block things out. No phone, no thoughts, no feelings.
Want to fucking cut!
Don't give the situation the winning hand by cutting. The situation always wins, not you when you give into it. And not winning blows. Good luck at the Dr today.
Telling me not to let the situation win by cutting is hardly going to help either.
I appreciate your replies but I sort of feel like you're telling me how to live my life. If I want to take codeine and harm myself, I will, it's not about letting the situation win.
I don't mean to sound bitchy, I do realise that you're trying to help, but it doesn't help.