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How do i stop myself having feelings for a friend

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
You might have seen my thread about having feelings for a friend. He made it very clear back then (A month or so back) that he only "loved me as a friend". Since then he's been over to my house nearly every day, he cooks me dinner at least twice a week, and I am getting confused. We went to out with friends yesterday and he said that we were more than friends - and then someone jumped in and spoke about something else so i didn't get a chance to talk to him about it.

Asides trying to find other people to date, only don't know how to stop the feelings i have for him. I'm finding it harder and harder to not say anything and it's getting to the point of where I'm feeling really upset about it. I still think that he won't date me purely and simply because he isn't able to have children and I desperately want my own. But he spends more of his time with me than anyone else, more than most of my ex's have tbh, and as much as i love having him around me I'm finding it really hard considering he supposedly doesn't reciprocate my feelings. But what does this situation seem like to people from the outside? I spoken to a couple of friends who have seen how he behaves and they don't understand it, they seem to think that he does feel for me and that he is just scared of getting hurt especially considering he obviously seems to really care for me.

What do i do? Im starting to feel so lost!

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    All I can suggest is to bring it up again and tell him to fess up.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I dont think he would. I cant see hes too scared to lose me :/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Difficult. Some people (including me) do find this subject really hard to talk about. But I think you need to know what he really meant.
    I spoken to a couple of friends who have seen how he behaves and they don't understand it, they seem to think that he does feel for me and that he is just scared of getting hurt especially considering he obviously seems to really care for me.

    This is the impression I get. He wants to be more than friends; but he's scared of getting hurt and possibly losing you as a friend.

    I do think if you don't say anything, you're going to be forever wandering what he really means.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah but how can I get around that? Do I just sit and wait and hope or just do whatever I can to get my head off this one?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was pretty much in your situation two years ago. Someone appreciated the friendship with me so much that they spent more time with me than with her bf. The friendship with her felt already more intimate that all of my previous relationships, but I just needed her completely. For various reasons she did not want to be in a relationship with me and I had no other choice than break off contact, because I cannot get over someone if things are seemingly perfect and I am reminded every day that we'd fit together like 2 puzzle pieces and it feels so wrong and so needlessly forced to not be together.

    Well, she thought I was blackmailing her into a relationship, but all I did was put my own well-being before hers to keep my sanity. Over a lot of hard months I had to resist her tries to get back into contact etc and fight the bad conscious I had for hurting her like that.

    What I am trying to say is, if worse comes to worst you have to look after yourself, if nobody else does.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I kind of volunteer with his company to help him get it off the ground and he helps me so there's no way I can just break off contact. :/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    I kind of volunteer with his company to help him get it off the ground and he helps me so there's no way I can just break off contact. :/

    Just how you talk about your situation on here I talked to numerous of my friends about it. I was usually debating against breaking off contact in a "change my view" kind of discussion. I had dozen reasons to just "suck it up" and be her friend at first, but like I said (if worse comes to worst): Once you suffered enough and have a bellyful of it, there is no reason tall enough.

    Maybe you are the person to just suck it up, I don't know. It just does not work for me. I feel like, since this is bugging you so much, it is only a matter of time too. You are just not fed up enough.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I really can't right now - he's stepping in for my PA as she's just been told that they think she's miscarrying, so I really need him right now! And I appreciate just being around him too much to push him away.

    Argh fuck!! :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Miss_Riot wrote: »
    Well I really can't right now -

    I am not saying you should.

    If I was not ready to cut and leave I'd try to have a serious conversation about it again. You said this will lead to nowhere, so I guess all you can do is wait it out.

    The second best thing is probably try to be distracted with friends/new people/whatevs to forget about him (at least temporarily), but from what I read of you it seems that's not really an option either.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I really don't know. He's my best friend and I really want something more than this but I just don't know what to do. I'm talking to other guys to try and see if I can distract myself but my mind always goes back to him. Why do I always go for emotionally unavailable men!!!!!!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Things haven't gotten any easier....

    He's been over and taken me out and cooked me dinner for the past 12 days in a row. He organised my birthday party last week, we keep being told by people we don't know that we seem like a really cute couple (and thats really starting to grate on me for the obvious reasons!), he was talking about the "reasons we wouldn't have worked" today, and I told him that he'd got it wrong - I'm not hugely fussed on marriage and I want kids but they don't have to be biologically mine (he can't have kids but wants some). He's totally being my rock with me having a hard time with my new treatment. I have spent every day for at least 6-8 hours together with him and I don't know what to do! ARGHHGHH
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    How awkward.

    Ideally, you both have to sit down and talk. You both need to make it clear where you stand on this.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think I'm also falling for him because he's doing lots of stuff for me - which a good friend would do anyway! I just need to stop feeling like this
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds familiar. Been there and done that.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I am contemplating if running around naked at your place all day would lead to some kind of solution. Hm.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If I did he'd probably walk out. I think he's well aware of how I feel an he's just being a really awesome friend so I just need to come to terms with that and just be an awesome friend back.

    But running around naked all day does sound like fun!!!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey Miss Riot - just wondered how things were going with this? I hope things have got a bit easier for you *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    He's around a lot and I'm kind of feeling ok having him as a close friend. But theres huge issues between him and my mum and thats driving me nuts but I have no idea what to do any more.
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