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How do i stop myself having feelings for a friend
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
You might have seen my thread about having feelings for a friend. He made it very clear back then (A month or so back) that he only "loved me as a friend". Since then he's been over to my house nearly every day, he cooks me dinner at least twice a week, and I am getting confused. We went to out with friends yesterday and he said that we were more than friends - and then someone jumped in and spoke about something else so i didn't get a chance to talk to him about it.
Asides trying to find other people to date, only don't know how to stop the feelings i have for him. I'm finding it harder and harder to not say anything and it's getting to the point of where I'm feeling really upset about it. I still think that he won't date me purely and simply because he isn't able to have children and I desperately want my own. But he spends more of his time with me than anyone else, more than most of my ex's have tbh, and as much as i love having him around me I'm finding it really hard considering he supposedly doesn't reciprocate my feelings. But what does this situation seem like to people from the outside? I spoken to a couple of friends who have seen how he behaves and they don't understand it, they seem to think that he does feel for me and that he is just scared of getting hurt especially considering he obviously seems to really care for me.
What do i do? Im starting to feel so lost!
Asides trying to find other people to date, only don't know how to stop the feelings i have for him. I'm finding it harder and harder to not say anything and it's getting to the point of where I'm feeling really upset about it. I still think that he won't date me purely and simply because he isn't able to have children and I desperately want my own. But he spends more of his time with me than anyone else, more than most of my ex's have tbh, and as much as i love having him around me I'm finding it really hard considering he supposedly doesn't reciprocate my feelings. But what does this situation seem like to people from the outside? I spoken to a couple of friends who have seen how he behaves and they don't understand it, they seem to think that he does feel for me and that he is just scared of getting hurt especially considering he obviously seems to really care for me.
What do i do? Im starting to feel so lost!
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This is the impression I get. He wants to be more than friends; but he's scared of getting hurt and possibly losing you as a friend.
I do think if you don't say anything, you're going to be forever wandering what he really means.
Well, she thought I was blackmailing her into a relationship, but all I did was put my own well-being before hers to keep my sanity. Over a lot of hard months I had to resist her tries to get back into contact etc and fight the bad conscious I had for hurting her like that.
What I am trying to say is, if worse comes to worst you have to look after yourself, if nobody else does.
Just how you talk about your situation on here I talked to numerous of my friends about it. I was usually debating against breaking off contact in a "change my view" kind of discussion. I had dozen reasons to just "suck it up" and be her friend at first, but like I said (if worse comes to worst): Once you suffered enough and have a bellyful of it, there is no reason tall enough.
Maybe you are the person to just suck it up, I don't know. It just does not work for me. I feel like, since this is bugging you so much, it is only a matter of time too. You are just not fed up enough.
Argh fuck!!
I am not saying you should.
If I was not ready to cut and leave I'd try to have a serious conversation about it again. You said this will lead to nowhere, so I guess all you can do is wait it out.
The second best thing is probably try to be distracted with friends/new people/whatevs to forget about him (at least temporarily), but from what I read of you it seems that's not really an option either.
He's been over and taken me out and cooked me dinner for the past 12 days in a row. He organised my birthday party last week, we keep being told by people we don't know that we seem like a really cute couple (and thats really starting to grate on me for the obvious reasons!), he was talking about the "reasons we wouldn't have worked" today, and I told him that he'd got it wrong - I'm not hugely fussed on marriage and I want kids but they don't have to be biologically mine (he can't have kids but wants some). He's totally being my rock with me having a hard time with my new treatment. I have spent every day for at least 6-8 hours together with him and I don't know what to do! ARGHHGHH
Ideally, you both have to sit down and talk. You both need to make it clear where you stand on this.
But running around naked all day does sound like fun!!!