If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Marriage dilemma
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello
I am recently engaged to my partner of 7 years. I want to get married in March 14, a small vintage style wedding.
My brother is currently serving a prison sentence for death by dangerous driving. He got 21 months with time off for good behaviour. I would expect him to be out before the wedding but not sure.
Mum was originally ok with the idea but has now sprung the fact that she has mixed emotions. I can understand that but what about my feelings?
I am concerned I am coming across as selfish. The reasons to wait do seem to outweigh the reasons to go ahead but I can't help the way I feel.
I am at University (postgraduate), my brother is in a YOI, money is tight.
Having said all that, there is never really a perfect time to get married and I do dearly want my elderly grandparents to be able to attend and we can do the wedding we want on a small budget.
What should I do? It would pain me to have to wait another year.
If my brother does get out and does come to the wedding in 14 then people are likely to be concerned for him and asking me about how he's doing. If I thought my brother would mind awfully missing such an occasion I might be more inclined to wait but he is very shy and is never usually too bothered about various 'do's'. Equally, it is important to me that people don't think 'how selfish' of me. My Mum does say I should do what I want as it's my day.
I'm torn. My heart says go for it but head says I'm not sure
thanks for reading
I am recently engaged to my partner of 7 years. I want to get married in March 14, a small vintage style wedding.
My brother is currently serving a prison sentence for death by dangerous driving. He got 21 months with time off for good behaviour. I would expect him to be out before the wedding but not sure.
Mum was originally ok with the idea but has now sprung the fact that she has mixed emotions. I can understand that but what about my feelings?
I am concerned I am coming across as selfish. The reasons to wait do seem to outweigh the reasons to go ahead but I can't help the way I feel.
I am at University (postgraduate), my brother is in a YOI, money is tight.
Having said all that, there is never really a perfect time to get married and I do dearly want my elderly grandparents to be able to attend and we can do the wedding we want on a small budget.
What should I do? It would pain me to have to wait another year.
If my brother does get out and does come to the wedding in 14 then people are likely to be concerned for him and asking me about how he's doing. If I thought my brother would mind awfully missing such an occasion I might be more inclined to wait but he is very shy and is never usually too bothered about various 'do's'. Equally, it is important to me that people don't think 'how selfish' of me. My Mum does say I should do what I want as it's my day.
I'm torn. My heart says go for it but head says I'm not sure
thanks for reading
0
Comments
She needs to stop fucking your head up. I find that incredibly irritating and patronising when people say 'I don't think blah blah blah, but it's your decision' when they should really say 'I don't think blah blah blah and now ive put myself in a win-win position if it goes tits up or works out'.
What does your fiancé think ? It's your (the two of you) day not just YOUR day.
Welcome to the boards! This is clearly a very hard situation for you, and understandably you feel confused *hug*
Organising weddings can already be very stressful, it often seems like we are suppose to please everyone else except ourselves - when in fact its you and your fiancee's day!
Am I right to say that your instincts are telling you to do the wedding on the 14th? Or are you hesitating because you, deep down, do want your brother there? Perhaps try to step back from what your mum and your family say and see which side comes out stronger.
At the same time, you say you don't really want to wait another year, is there any way to delay the wedding a few weeks or months? Do you know when your brother will be out? I think the advice to speak to your brother about this could help.
Let us know how things go, and remember this will be your day, so it wouldn't be selfish to do what you wanted :yes:
The other advantage of waiting will be to allow you to save some more money up, which is always a plus.
I don't have a close relationship with my brother really.
We were thinking 2015 originally but I always wanted march 14 and I got some good deals so h2b was happy with march 2014 but now? meh.