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Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Suicide
I want to die. Nobody likes me, I'm a burden to all of those around me.
My boyfriend wants to leave me because he can't cope with me. Nobody can cope with me.
I don't deserve help, I don't deserve people to like me. I'm horrible to be around. I've said it before, but I mean it now more than ever. I can't stand to be around any longer. I'm sticking around because I want to get it right.
I don't know what more to say. Nothing anyone can say will make a difference.
I want to die. Nobody likes me, I'm a burden to all of those around me.
My boyfriend wants to leave me because he can't cope with me. Nobody can cope with me.
I don't deserve help, I don't deserve people to like me. I'm horrible to be around. I've said it before, but I mean it now more than ever. I can't stand to be around any longer. I'm sticking around because I want to get it right.
I don't know what more to say. Nothing anyone can say will make a difference.
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Nothing I say or do will change the past but, I really wish I could take back the harsh words I said to you. They weren't even said intentionally but, I just blurted out in anger but, that doesn't make it right so, I apologize to you for the same.
You're not horrible and everybody likes you a lot. You deserve way too much, you've been amazing to everyone here and you're such a kind and supportive member of this community. Please don't think otherwise.
P.S: You've been so, awesome to me and I won't ever forget that.
*hug*
xx sam
I have this constant ache inside, I don't want to endure this anymore
From your post it seems you are struggling with a lot of negative feelings right now such as: 'No one likes me.'
When you are feeling this way, these feelings can sometimes feel overwhelming. But remember that in time your feelings will pass. The way you feel now is just a reflection on your situation and how you feel in your mind. But feelings and beliefs are not facts and can change, so try not to act on what is a temporary feeling, but stick to the facts you know.
It maybe worth writing out some positive facts and differentiate them from you're feelings. An example may be:
I have done well to get into university.
I have people who care about me.
It may help you put things into perspective if you write it down, I hope I made sense?
Take care *hug*
I tell my CBT therapist how bad I've been feeling -> I break the no-harm contract -> I get discharged.
I tell my GP how bad I'm feeling -> I get the usual 'there's nothing more we can do', or at best a referral to the CMHT -> CMHT will refuse my referral because they think I'm too low risk or they'll accept my referral -> then won't do anything because I'm not ill enough.
You've got a hell of a lot of growing up still to do. I know I've still got lots to do, and I also know how much my life has completely changed in the last 5 years.
I'm so done with this. All of this just proves how people can't stand to be around me. I need to find a fucking place to go and then I'll go.
-I asked him to come round here to do the right thing and talk face to face
-I decided I can't cope with seeing him, so ask him not come and if he does come I won't be here.
-He calls the police and they come round my house
-He now won't talk to me - hasn't even given me a reason for breaking up with me. I should have never asked him to come round, and just listened to the reasons on the phone. :no:
It doesn't sound like this boyfriend is going to be the guy you're going to go the distance with but it really, really doesn't mean you are worthless. Don't measure everything because of one silly boy. There may be more silly boys (there usually is) and then you will find a boy who gets you and deserves you.
And on an unrelated note, if you're ever in Kent and need to chill then you're always welcome. I know we've only met once but you made a rather good impression
This is definitely not all about the guy, this was just the thing to send me even further over the edge, as this is the second person who has said they can't be with me because they can't cope with me.
And thanks Clem. I would love to, but I'm a million miles away at the moment
i'm so sorry that i haven't been here when you've been struggling so much, i've been on holiday. i wish someone could make it all better for you. i know it feels like you have this great big mountain in front of you and even taking the first step to climb it seems completely impossible. but the thing is that you don't have to do it alone, so many people care for you and want the best for you. as SM has rightly said, you've had good and bad times and some times when things have been just ok, and some of them haven't been that long ago. i really do understand that everytime you hit a low point it feels like all the effort you've made has been wasted, but in actual fact every time you hit a low, fight back and get going again you get that bit stronger. everyone has ups and downs in their lives but some people (like us) feel the downs a lot more severely and that's something that we have to accept, and by learning the skills to cope we can minimise the lows and how painful they are. i do feel really disappointed for you that no one has been able to teach you those skills, because there is no special medicine or amazing therapist that can make it all better, the reality is that you feel emotions very harshly and things that happen in life really hurt you. no one can change that, it's part of who you are and it's why you are so caring and thoughtful, because you feel things so much. you need to learn how to regulate your own emotions and recognise the signs of a low patch so that you can take care of yourself and stop it completely overwhelming you. it's not your fault that you don't know how to do that. and for what it's worth, my limited abilities in this area have come from what i've taught myself, after all those years of treatment the most effective things i have learned have been the things that i've read about off my own back, not anything that a therapist has taught me.
i really hope the cmht referral comes to something this time. in a way, the police visit might have been a good thing because it will support your referral and it might mean that you are considered as a higher risk. i think you ARE a high risk and i think they might see that this time.
X x x
What omg hi says is pretty much true. I can't deny the therapy I had helped, but the real progress has been progress I've made through my own understanding. This will come in time; each time you have a crash, you're learning about how to get through it. You're coping therefore you're learning coping techniques.
I don't think the police coming round is such a terrible thing either, at least on a practical level. If the police are having to check on you, if your CBT therapist is saying you're too high risk, then the NHS might fucking listen this time.
Thanks Arctic. I've got an assessment booked, but its only a couple of days before I'm leaving to go home. I'm not sure if its harder being at home - but different things are more difficult. Meh, it's hard to look that far in advance at the moment.
I don't know why he is angry, he was the one who ended it. I must be such a bad person if I've made someone so angry just for existing
I hope he talks to you soon. You dont deserve any of this.
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" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
You matter to me xxx
I am sorry. Im not too good at this sorta stuff. But im here for you.
Sent from my GT-S5830 using Tapatalk 2
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
It's so easy for me to say this but stop blaming yourself. He sounds like he isn't mature enough to deal with break ups so is just chickening out completely by avoiding and ignoring you. It really, really is no reflection on you. You didn't turn him into anything, I think he's just showing his true colours. You can do better x
In other news, I'll probably be living by myself next year. I can't cope with constantly cleaning up after the boys. We've had talks but nothing has changed. And next year because other girl is moving out (because she doesn't like me + the mess) it will be just me doing all the cleaning. I'll do a shit job of living by myself. Well 1) I can't afford it. 2) Going to make it a whole lot easier for me to go through with something.