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Mother/Children Separation Anxiety

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
Hi, I have a 2 and 3 year old that my ex partner (father) is keeping me from. I have been their primary carer since the day they were born. It is in the hands of the legal system but was hoping someone out there has had some experience of being separated from their children. A mummy who has escaped a domestic violence (mentally abusive) situation/relationship, suffering control of a father using the children as a weapon.The court hearing is Monday morning. If anyone has any particular coping strategies I would be grateful to hear of them. Staying strong. Just want to be with my babies x

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Have you called the police?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have done everything I possibly can yes. Its a waiting game. He allows me to talk to them, usually when they are up and before they go to sleep. Since the 15th Feb I have only seen them three times under 'supervision' where his dad acts as a guard so I cannot take them away. The police have been involved, social services contacted but the way he has done it and as there is no physical abuse nothing can be done. He changed the locks on the house. I am scared of verbal communication/face to face because of the mental abuse and he has proven that he is trying to get into my head, doesn't in truth realise what he is doing to the children. I find it hard to believe no one is telling him what he is doing is wrong but he lies and twists things in a very clever way to get people on his side. He has tried to do it with a marriage councillor and recently my solicitor. Its all shocking. I do not care for anything excpet the well being of my babies. Its good to be able to express myself. I need my babies as much as they need mummy.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what was his reason for taking them from you??

    If youve been their primary carer, i dont think the courts will let him keep them away from you
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    After seperating I moved on to make myself feel more like a woman and react to his patronising of everything physical and mental, there is a lot to with self harm because of him, his abuse and lowered self esteem/confidence and he flipped when he realised he could not control my feelings and make me fall in love with him again. I had previously been trying to make things work, the classic, do it for the kids, do it cos you took a vow, do it so you don't let anyone else down but at the end of the day you cannot force someone to have feelings they don't have and he couldn't handle and is not handling the end of the relationship. He is using the children as a way to get back at me because since the day they were born I have cared for them pretty much single handedly while working to pay bills and he has swanned off to watch football, go out every Thursday night, weight train, swim, lots of other things, gigs, comedians, away matches, formula 1. Left me no time for me and to top it off he is a school teacher!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Up until the 15th Feb he was all 'your a great mummy, doing wonderful things' and then snap suddenly due to depression etc I am an unfit mother. I have assessments to counter his attacks. I am away from his abuse and he has no control meaning no conrol, no more suffering, he doesn't like it!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i wish you the best of luck x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you. All I want is to be the mummy to my babies that I have been since the day they were born, thanks again x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    have you tried mumsnet?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey :)
    Im not a mother so i can't really help there, but when i was a kid i was taken away from my mother because of her mental health problems and study thing area of things. I know how hard it is to be away from them especially when they're little, but i couldn't imagine the court giving him a soul custody if you've been their carer since birth.
    Good luck with the court case and i hope the best decision for your kids is made.
    Alfiee :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the fact that hes removed them from you and wont actually let you see them, will very likely work against him too.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its kidnapping and thats how they will see it.

    Does he have any reason to keep them away. What is he saying is the reason??
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