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dumped on new years eve :(
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I need some advice please, and please only nice comments as I'm feeling the lowest I ever have in my life. I was dumped new years eve. I will start with the background. Over a year ago imet him and we moved very quickly...well he did. We had a few dates then he came round and stayed over...then again...and again until he never left. We were happy and I adored him and he adored me. Told me every day how much he wanted to spend his life with me. There was talk off marriage in the future and a baby. We had our share of arguments but they got worse a few months ago. I found he'd lied to me on occasion and I couldn't let it go. Then the day before new years eve I found out while I was at work, he'd been arranging to go out with his ex gf telling her he was tired of arguing, tired of babysitting my children if I was at work, he wanted his life back, wanted to go on holiday, have a weekend drug bender etc 
he never did drugs when I was with him so that was a shock. After I found out he had gone out with his ex and lied it started another row and that was it. He stayed out all night and the next day I got a tx saying it was over, it was to hard for him and he needed his own place etc. It crushed me. I love him so much the pain is physically unbearable. I havnt called him or bombarded him with msgs. The next day he took his stuff but put on facebook that he's just made possibly the worst mistake of his life. He's moved into a new place that's 20seconds away from my house. I asked him to collect some odds and ends that I found and in doing so, conversation got around to us. Now he's telling me that although he loves me so much it hurts, he needs to sort his head out and 'think' about us. I'm so confused now. If it was over I would have no choice but to move on, now he's giving me a ray of hope. I think he's leading me on slightly, just trying to be nice and give me false hope so I don't hurt anymore then in a few weeks tell me its over once iv healed slightly. I love this man so much I don't want my life without him. I tried compromising by saying if he needs space then he can have his own place, his own belongings but we start again properly. Date once a week or something but don't throw away our relationship away. And all he said was...I'll think about it. Please advice me on what to do because I can't cope with this anymore, its to hard. I can't walk away from him as he is literally my world and also I'm so sorry about the bad paragraphs but I'm typing this on my blackberry. Thankyou and I'll appreciate any advice on this.
he never did drugs when I was with him so that was a shock. After I found out he had gone out with his ex and lied it started another row and that was it. He stayed out all night and the next day I got a tx saying it was over, it was to hard for him and he needed his own place etc. It crushed me. I love him so much the pain is physically unbearable. I havnt called him or bombarded him with msgs. The next day he took his stuff but put on facebook that he's just made possibly the worst mistake of his life. He's moved into a new place that's 20seconds away from my house. I asked him to collect some odds and ends that I found and in doing so, conversation got around to us. Now he's telling me that although he loves me so much it hurts, he needs to sort his head out and 'think' about us. I'm so confused now. If it was over I would have no choice but to move on, now he's giving me a ray of hope. I think he's leading me on slightly, just trying to be nice and give me false hope so I don't hurt anymore then in a few weeks tell me its over once iv healed slightly. I love this man so much I don't want my life without him. I tried compromising by saying if he needs space then he can have his own place, his own belongings but we start again properly. Date once a week or something but don't throw away our relationship away. And all he said was...I'll think about it. Please advice me on what to do because I can't cope with this anymore, its to hard. I can't walk away from him as he is literally my world and also I'm so sorry about the bad paragraphs but I'm typing this on my blackberry. Thankyou and I'll appreciate any advice on this. 0
Comments
I come from a position where I've had a similar experience, but from the other side of the coin. I was dating a guy who I really liked, but we kept having huge, devastating and emotionally draining arguments. So I instigated a break, needing to get my head out of the situation to sort it. I didn't want to break up, I did like the guy, but I needed to do something otherwise I would have broken myself!
I can only imagine how much turmoil and pain he was going through whilst we were on this break period - and I certainly didn't enjoy putting him through it. I rushed my thinking and time and eventually decided to suggest a short break away and then "starting again" as you suggested to your ex. I genuinely wanted to do that - so that is a positive example of how you allowing your ex the space could go in your favour. (Unfortunately I do then have to say that my ex and I never got back together as just after I'd settled on that there was another argument which pushed me over the edge again!)
I wouldn't advise that you completely walk away from the relationship at this point - but don't keep yourself hanging on stupidly either. I think you've done the right thing by not bombarding him. Perhaps a good thing for you to do now would be to take some time for yourself and truly think. There's a couple of points to this - do some nice things for you, go and see your friends, have a bit of a pamper, some fun, cheer yourself up and remind yourself that actually being independent is fun. This will make you feel better, and put you in a better position to deal with the relationship instability.
The other thing to think about is whether you're really happy with this rowing and lying too - you mention that you couldn't let the lying go. Why is that?
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