If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Feel Like I Missed It
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So I've been ill since January... Too ill to go out... Dealt with a shitty relationship, the possibility of being bipolar, plus other stuff...
The past month or so, I've been well enough to socialise, but I feel stuck... One of my best mates seems to be avoiding me for some reason and I've moved teams in work... I am bored shitless... I can't chat to them like I could with my old team..
I spend a lot of time alone down the gym, watching films, reading... I'm used to it, secure with it... But these past few weeks.... I think I'm lonely.
It's weird 'cause I never normally feel it... I just feel like nobody wouls wanna chat anyway, as I'm a bit of a bore... I just feel that the past few months, especially being ill, that I can't relate to a lot of people anymore...
I'm sure this is a phase... Can anybody relate?
The past month or so, I've been well enough to socialise, but I feel stuck... One of my best mates seems to be avoiding me for some reason and I've moved teams in work... I am bored shitless... I can't chat to them like I could with my old team..
I spend a lot of time alone down the gym, watching films, reading... I'm used to it, secure with it... But these past few weeks.... I think I'm lonely.
It's weird 'cause I never normally feel it... I just feel like nobody wouls wanna chat anyway, as I'm a bit of a bore... I just feel that the past few months, especially being ill, that I can't relate to a lot of people anymore...
I'm sure this is a phase... Can anybody relate?
0
Comments
Well done for posting this. have u tried going to ur GP about what's going on. Maybe u can try and write a letter to ur friends/ family about how ur feeling or talking to them face to face. that's a good thing that ur going out and doing things that u enjoyed doing to try and cope. have u tried doing anything else that helps u cope. Will u be able to tell me how old u are so I can find u to talk to. ur welcome to keep posting on here. we are here for u too x ((Hugs))
It is hard work to get back into a friendship group... maybe you should arrange a meet up one weekend with a few people?
Also, you aren't a bore at all, I've always thought you are a very interesting person.
Mental illnesses is hard to cope with at the best of times, but when you feel lonely and isolated too it just adds to it all.
Are there any group therapies you could join? I know they aren't for everyone, and maybe it'd be your idea of hell, but if not then it's worth discussing with your GP
Yeah, been to a bipolar group. It was ok... I mean, people's experiences resonate at least in that respect, it's less lonely.
You're right, it's like being forgotten... Like you've missed a train and been left behind...
Think I am gonna ask psychiatrist for counselling... Had a tough year and dealt with a lot alone.
I don't think people hate me, I just don't have any close relationships at the moment... I have people to chat normal stuff to, but nobody who understands what I've been through recently and nobody to talk to about things like homophobia (just straight people who say "who cares, if I were gay.." well you're not)....
This might sound a little odd, but bear with me. Do you think your psychiatrist could get you into a CBT skills group? They don't exist everywhere but they're really good; the skills they teach are the same as individual CBT but being part of a group might help you to also get your social confidence up a bit.
I've got used to my own company and doing things like you mentioned, and with the previous job a lot of the time that was the way things had to be because of my work pattern; but my colleagues were really friendly and we used to chat at work a reasonable amount and also socialise outside of work a bit so that was something. The new office is completely different and is deathly silent most of the day.
I miss having people around who I know well, and know me well, who you can chat the easy chit chat or the less fun stuff with.
I don't have any magic solutions I'm afraid, but thought might help to know that something similar happens to people who haven't been ill.
Are there classes at the gym you go to? I started doing Zumba not that long before I moved, and was starting to make friends there - there were some people who went to the same class every week and started chatting before/after class. One to consider, as well as Picc's (far more practical) suggestions.
ETA: I kinda wonder if part of my issue is that I have had very few conversations which don't involve work, or listening to people's problems recently... I love geeky conversations... Maybe I am bored.com
It also sounds like your interests are changing slightly and you'd rather more meaningful conversation than the usual conversation fillers. If you've been out of the social loop recently; take time to introduce yourself back into it slowly. It doesn't make sense putting pressure on yourself to be a social butterfly so don't set your expectations too high. But suggesting meeting a friend in town for a coffee and a catch up can't hurt. True, it may not be the kind of friendship or interaction you're wanting right now but at least you're getting out there.
Your move up north sounds really exciting. Is it January you're going? Maybe see this period between now and Christmas for a practice opportunity before you start a new chapter of your life. You'll probably be making lots of new friends whom ideally you can have a deeper relationship with but at the same time though you may have outgrown the friends you are now- it would be useful to still have those links however casual they might be.
Ugh... My 'friend' is being so weird with me... I contact them and tell them I wanna get involved with a project they're in again (I pulled out when I was sick), as they sent out an Email asking for help...
They ignore my Emails for a month regarding it... I try and talk to them in person, they're "busy"... They're off work and people on their team don't know why... I call them and txt them to make sure they're ok, but no reply... We used to call and txt a lot.
They get to me a month later, to tell me to go to a meeting... After the meeting they have a go at me for not being involved enough in front of other people... But they ignored and avoided me and I had to speak to another member of the group to know to go to the meeting...
Then yesterday, I had to rush past them to grab something and they call me out loudky for being "rude" in front of people... wtf?
I'm sick of only ever existing to people if they want something... Why do people ask if I have a problem with them, or get offended if I'm not always talkative when they want me to be.... Why not "are you ok? You've been quiet"
I did go out last night and had a good time. I think I need to hang out with last night's social circle more.
There are some really good comments here from everyone. It's completely understandable that after feeling like you "disappeared" for a bit due to illness and to deal with all your problems, you come back and some things have changed, as well as your feelings, which make you notice that perhaps you feel lonelier that you expected.
Time away can be good, but also sometimes it can make you feel distant to everyone else or like you said "forgotten" - as if they have had so much going on without you and you haven't (or don't know about it) - when probably nothing much has happened over that time for them, but a lot has for you. Sometimes also, a fresh start could be what you need - have a look at our article on Boosting your social life, which makes a good point on self-esteem (which can be low, especially when dealing with mental health) and how that can affect relationships and socialising;
It also seems like this "friend" who isn't responding and then having a go at you, isn't perhaps particularly adding anything positive to your life. As Piccolo said: As you suggest, sticking to those who you actually enjoy spending time with is a good idea
Good luck and let us know how you get on *hug*