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I wonder if I'll be like this in 11 years... (unforgetable first love)

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Miss-My-First-Love/1930
i will never stop dreaming of her....it never goes away. i had my chance 14 yrs ago, but let others influence my decisions.....life has brought us new partners...and children....i sometimes wonder how many kids we would of had together....i think about how good it would be just to hold her again for a brief moment...and most of all, i wonder if she ever dreams of me.....???

Except for the 'let others influence my decisions' I echo that feeling so much. I wonder what it is about that first love, first romance that buries it so deep that it almost haunts us. I dream about her more than is healthy I'm sure. I haven't spoken to her in a long time... both our lives have moved on massively. I'm ok with that, too.

Just wonder if she'll ever get out of my head :) or whether she'll always be there, conjuring dreams of what could have been or even just memories.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Nobody has a reply to my emo outbursts? :D Come on guys! I know you ;)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be totally honest...

    I feel absolutely nothing towards my "first love" now. But I've had 2/3 serious long-term relationships since then and I think time/wisdom/age changes things. But there will always be people who I had flings with who I think what if something more had happened. Maybe its different for women?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not even that I think of her conciously. I just have dreams about her all the time. And they're not spectacular 'get together, makeupsex, get married dreams'. They're dreams of us bumming about just doing mundane shit and the world seeming like its not that bad a place afterall.

    Then I wake up and I'm just annoyed she's in my head if anything. So I googled it and find threads of people 10, 15 even 20 years still having those same 'dreams' about these special people. I don't think gender defines it, but its probably different for each person and relationship.

    I actually find it a terrifying prospect that in 10 years I could still not feel 'comfortable in my own skin' without her and still have those dreams about her. That's a pretty shitty prospect. We had our time and it was great, but its done, and I have moved on and met other people and had a whole different life... so why does some part of my brain feel the need to haunt and remind me on a regular basis of 'WHAT COULD HAVE BEEEEEEEEEEEEN'.

    Fuck you, brain.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I used to dream about my first love, took me about 2 years to forget her completely. And not worry or think about her too much.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think the memories of being together and wondering what might have been are normal for a lot of people. In some ways, it may even be valid to say the fact your dreams are of the 'mundane' you guys doing normal shit together is a sign that you are comfortable in your skin and don't *need her*, more someone to share life with (which is totally understandable). I would tend to view those dreams more as you're generally happy with who you are and just haven't found that person to share these things with yet. I still have the odd random dream of my first love even though we don't speak anymore. That's going back 6 years since me and my first boyfriend broke up, and a metric fuck ton of emotions and bad decisions. My current relationship is certainly much easier going and healthier than my first love ever was and I do love my current boyfriend and wouldn't change things for anything.

    But yes, I do believe there is something intense and special about first love which can be hard to forget sometimes. In my case it was that my first love would talk a lot about how he couldn't live without me and that was extremely romantic to the me of 10 years ago. My current boyfriend says he wants me to enjoy life as much as him (I have longstanding issues with depression, aspergers) but he actually supports me in going to doctors/psychaitrists appointments etc, he doesn't'bring out' my vulnerabilites as a reason we should stay together. Obviously I don't know the nature of your last relationship, but I guess what I want to say is people change as the years go by, but the desire to share life with someone special doesn't (for most people).
  • Indrid ColdIndrid Cold Warming up? Posts: 16,688
    This might not apply at all to your situation, but...

    In the past, when there was something that I couldn't stop thinking about (having dreams, thinking about that every day, and this went on for years) I figured out in the end that the reason was that the "story" was missing a proper ending. It couldn't be given one though, so I made one up. I sat down and imagined an ending to it, as if it was happening for real. I didn't force it in any direction, just let it "happen" the way I thought it would if it could. I'm not exaggerating that things changed immediately. Since then, that subject I couldn't stop thinking about doesn't enter my head any more often than other things from the same time and I stopped "longing" for it as well.

    Sorry if the above is too vague, I was trying to avoid making this about me. Like I said, it might not apply to your situation or even if it does what I did might not work for you, but it might help...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I have been thinking about your solution Indrid, but I'm not sure how to wrap it up for me and her. It just kind of... fizzed and then she was with someone else and I was gutted.

    this morning:

    >basically
    >we were chatting
    >she was telling me about her stuff
    >saying she's giong to be trying for a baby soon
    >i was like 'oh thats cool'
    >then she said
    >'will you marry me, by the way?'
    >next thing i was awake
    >fml
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it sounds pretty normal, it's not uncommon to dream about past relationships. After all it's a person that meant a lot to you for some time and who you harboured strong feelings for. And if it's the very first love it feels more intense since one hasn't really experienced that before.

    I wouldn't try to put too much into it. The human brain is what it is and important events in your life will stick to it regardless.
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