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Climax

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok... This is gonna sound kinda embarrassing and may be overshare...

I haven't had many partners or long term relationships and as a result, I haven't had an orgasm... :blush:

I recently brought a vibe to help me out... I figured if I play with it at home, I can figure out more what I enjoy. Man do I love my new toy... But I don't think I've actually brought myself to orgasm yet... Just to some pretty fricken awesome places...

So does anybody have any tips on reaching this? My gf said I just need to let myself go... So is part of it mental?

In fact, how do I know I've had one?

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Alot of it is definately a mental thing. For me personally, i can orgasm fine on my own but never had one brought on by someone else. Its not a matter of their technique versus mine but of a mental block. I cant seem to let go with someone else there.

    My advice would be to play around on your own so you know what you like etc, but also to not do it with the expectation of having an orgasm. If you expect it to happen and have that as your sole focus, youll never get there. Just do it because it feels good and eventually (it may take a long time) youll forget about the orgasm part.... and thats when it happens..
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ok... How long does it normally take and how will I know?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Namaste wrote: »
    Ok... How long does it normally take and how will I know?

    It takes as long as it takes. Mine can take anywhere from five minutes to an hour (I usually get bored by that point and give up, granted).

    And you'll know.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hmm well i guess how long it take will all depend on you personally, i cant give you a time frame on that but it wont happen overnight, especially if you obsess over it.

    I dont want to say 'you'll just know' when it happens but i cant say anything else cos i dont how it feels for other people.... hoping someone else will help with that one
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The length of time it can take will totally depend on how relaxed you are, what you have on your mind, how your feeling physically etc. The intensity of the orgasm again depends on all of the above, plus different women have different intensities of orgam.

    But if its taking you to some pretty awesome places, enjoy the journey, not the destination. The less emphasis you put on orgasming the easier its likely to be.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Like MissRiot says you should enjoy the journey rather than the ending. I've known girls who even with me trying every trick in the book after a relaxing day they weren't able to get close (and had never had one in their life), and I've known other girls some who were able to cum within 15 seconds of clitoral stimulation and others that would cum after a minute or so of intercourse without clitoral stimulation.

    I don't think I'll ever work out how orgasms work in the general case, it's hugely personal and every girl is different in what strange and unusual things bring her to orgasm, although of course the general 'theme' seems to be direct clitoral stimulation brings it about. The mental thing is a big thing, but like I say there's been times when the girl has been stressed and wanted a quick orgasm and that's what we got, other times the girl has been the most relaxed in the world and 'everything felt good' but that plateau was just nowhere to be found.

    I think the best way about it would be to 'enjoy the journey' and hopefully you'll surprise yourself, but if not, you are still having fun and that's the main thing.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You women and your crazy bodies! I have trouble stopping the flipping things!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You just know. When you go to the loo, you know when you did a poo and when not.

    It can a long time tho. You need to be relaxed. When I am bored and I am wanking a bit while browsing the internet and I read news about police brutality, or someone's dying grandma, or think about what groceries I need to get later, I feel the "good sensation" and "progress" going away. So stay focussed, think sexy thoughts etc.


    So have fun with your toy, and if it doesn't work, call 1-800-Strubbles, and we'll sort that out.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    StrubbleS wrote: »
    You just know. When you go to the loo, you know when you did a poo and when not.

    It can a long time tho. You need to be relaxed. When I am bored and I am wanking a bit while browsing the internet and I read news about police brutality, or someone's dying grandma, or think about what groceries I need to get later, I feel the "good sensation" and "progress" going away. So stay focussed, think sexy thoughts etc.


    So have fun with your toy, and if it doesn't work, call 1-800-Strubbles, and we'll sort that out.
    lol

    Nice one
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You women and your crazy bodies! I have trouble stopping the flipping things!

    Alright alright, show off
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Namaste,

    It's really good that you brought it upon yourself to get a vibrator, it shows you are ready to really explore what helps you orgasm and enjoy that part of sex. Have a look at our articles on the female orgasm, clitoris confidence and female masturbation, which could all help to get some more guidance.

    As other people said, your orgasms will all depends on you as a person and what you like and how you feel - so keep exploring! :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm a bloke and I used to get it at the start of a relationship, purely mental probably down to trust. I think if you can do it alone its just a matter of relaxing with a partner.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think if its taking you to some really intense places, then when youre at one of those intense places, make sure the clitoral stimulation is either rhythmic or constant
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Lexi99 wrote: »
    Alright alright, show off

    Haha, it's a curse rather than a blessing!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i think once its happened once, its easier to happen again, as you recognise the build up better, and when it starts getting near that area, your body naturally relaxes into it.
    I had to muck around for ages with a vibrator before i came for the first time, and had already been having sex for a while, but then once my body learned how to do it, theres never been any problem since (au contraire!)

    I think sometimes for a purely mechanical climax, to experience it, dont be too varied with what you do with the vibrator, just keep it on the clitoris even when it feels like its too intense or even too sore or tickly, just keep it there, and eventually something should happen (even if its not the strongest orgasm in the world), especially if youre fantasising about something that really turns you on too. Also i find it easier with some sort of penetration too, but then that might be psychological cos im hetero?? but whatever works for you.
    Then when its happened once or a few times, then you can start experimenting with different more exciting fun ways to reach the same spot
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've had five orgasms. I think that's five more than most men. All of them have been with someone else, and there's definitely a large mental aspect to them. I think it helps that it tends to take at least an hour for me reach ejaculation and that I have a negligible refractory period...

    But I can't help the OP.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Big Gay wrote: »
    I've had five orgasms. I think that's five more than most men



    seriously? Why do you think most men dont orgasm?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Because most men (or women) don't know then difference between a male climax and a male orgasm - and if you'd had one you would know... I also suspect there might be some men who never get beyond ejaculation.

    About half the time I masturbate I only ejaculate (and I generally stop), a quarter of the time it leads nowhere and the other quarter of the time I climax; when there are other people involved I'd say a quarter of the time I get nowhere a quarter of the time I only ejaculate during the session (it's a bit like a sneeze - a bit messy, slightly embarrassing but doesn't stop anything) and I reach a single climax about half the time, and about a quarter of those times I'll reach more than one.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its still an orgasm though. Some are stronger than others.

    Sometimes i come and its a bit like that, a bit meh. Still nice enough and scratches an itch, but its not full on or mindblowing. Other times its outrageously good and im reeling from it for quite a while. Same for my partner.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'd say it's possible that it's just the same thing but with the dial turned from five to fifty - I've not been of a mind to analyse afterward - but I have the impression it's a different set of responses, and I think the build up feels different as well - but I can't be sure because there's certainly a hormonal response involved, so I can't trust my memory.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    its still an orgasm though. Some are stronger than others.

    Sometimes i come and its a bit like that, a bit meh. Still nice enough and scratches an itch, but its not full on or mindblowing. Other times its outrageously good and im reeling from it for quite a while. Same for my partner.

    I'd agree. I can quickly crack one off, which is okay but not really that fulfilling.

    Otherwise, especially if I am receiving a blowjob, I get a completely different level of orgasm depending on which part of my cock makes me cum. A 'deep throat' blowjob will feel different to a 'glans' orgasm - which I suspect must be the closest thing to experiencing a female clitoral orgasm, seeing that they have the same origins in development while in the womb.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well I have had one, I'm pretty sure...

    I think my issue is that I have nowhere private (flatmates never go out and are noisy, walls are paper thin, at my girlfriend's house I need to be quiet too) and I feel self-conscious of any noise, which is why it doesn't work normally...

    I'm looking for a new place though, not so I can wank/have sex, though privacy will be a huge bonus in that respect ;), but just because the noise in the house is too much sometimes to even watch TV.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
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