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Climax
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok... This is gonna sound kinda embarrassing and may be overshare...
I haven't had many partners or long term relationships and as a result, I haven't had an orgasm...
I recently brought a vibe to help me out... I figured if I play with it at home, I can figure out more what I enjoy. Man do I love my new toy... But I don't think I've actually brought myself to orgasm yet... Just to some pretty fricken awesome places...
So does anybody have any tips on reaching this? My gf said I just need to let myself go... So is part of it mental?
In fact, how do I know I've had one?
I haven't had many partners or long term relationships and as a result, I haven't had an orgasm...
I recently brought a vibe to help me out... I figured if I play with it at home, I can figure out more what I enjoy. Man do I love my new toy... But I don't think I've actually brought myself to orgasm yet... Just to some pretty fricken awesome places...
So does anybody have any tips on reaching this? My gf said I just need to let myself go... So is part of it mental?
In fact, how do I know I've had one?
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Comments
My advice would be to play around on your own so you know what you like etc, but also to not do it with the expectation of having an orgasm. If you expect it to happen and have that as your sole focus, youll never get there. Just do it because it feels good and eventually (it may take a long time) youll forget about the orgasm part.... and thats when it happens..
It takes as long as it takes. Mine can take anywhere from five minutes to an hour (I usually get bored by that point and give up, granted).
And you'll know.
I dont want to say 'you'll just know' when it happens but i cant say anything else cos i dont how it feels for other people.... hoping someone else will help with that one
But if its taking you to some pretty awesome places, enjoy the journey, not the destination. The less emphasis you put on orgasming the easier its likely to be.
I don't think I'll ever work out how orgasms work in the general case, it's hugely personal and every girl is different in what strange and unusual things bring her to orgasm, although of course the general 'theme' seems to be direct clitoral stimulation brings it about. The mental thing is a big thing, but like I say there's been times when the girl has been stressed and wanted a quick orgasm and that's what we got, other times the girl has been the most relaxed in the world and 'everything felt good' but that plateau was just nowhere to be found.
I think the best way about it would be to 'enjoy the journey' and hopefully you'll surprise yourself, but if not, you are still having fun and that's the main thing.
It can a long time tho. You need to be relaxed. When I am bored and I am wanking a bit while browsing the internet and I read news about police brutality, or someone's dying grandma, or think about what groceries I need to get later, I feel the "good sensation" and "progress" going away. So stay focussed, think sexy thoughts etc.
So have fun with your toy, and if it doesn't work, call 1-800-Strubbles, and we'll sort that out.
Nice one
Alright alright, show off
It's really good that you brought it upon yourself to get a vibrator, it shows you are ready to really explore what helps you orgasm and enjoy that part of sex. Have a look at our articles on the female orgasm, clitoris confidence and female masturbation, which could all help to get some more guidance.
As other people said, your orgasms will all depends on you as a person and what you like and how you feel - so keep exploring!
Haha, it's a curse rather than a blessing!
I had to muck around for ages with a vibrator before i came for the first time, and had already been having sex for a while, but then once my body learned how to do it, theres never been any problem since (au contraire!)
I think sometimes for a purely mechanical climax, to experience it, dont be too varied with what you do with the vibrator, just keep it on the clitoris even when it feels like its too intense or even too sore or tickly, just keep it there, and eventually something should happen (even if its not the strongest orgasm in the world), especially if youre fantasising about something that really turns you on too. Also i find it easier with some sort of penetration too, but then that might be psychological cos im hetero?? but whatever works for you.
Then when its happened once or a few times, then you can start experimenting with different more exciting fun ways to reach the same spot
But I can't help the OP.
seriously? Why do you think most men dont orgasm?
About half the time I masturbate I only ejaculate (and I generally stop), a quarter of the time it leads nowhere and the other quarter of the time I climax; when there are other people involved I'd say a quarter of the time I get nowhere a quarter of the time I only ejaculate during the session (it's a bit like a sneeze - a bit messy, slightly embarrassing but doesn't stop anything) and I reach a single climax about half the time, and about a quarter of those times I'll reach more than one.
Sometimes i come and its a bit like that, a bit meh. Still nice enough and scratches an itch, but its not full on or mindblowing. Other times its outrageously good and im reeling from it for quite a while. Same for my partner.
I'd agree. I can quickly crack one off, which is okay but not really that fulfilling.
Otherwise, especially if I am receiving a blowjob, I get a completely different level of orgasm depending on which part of my cock makes me cum. A 'deep throat' blowjob will feel different to a 'glans' orgasm - which I suspect must be the closest thing to experiencing a female clitoral orgasm, seeing that they have the same origins in development while in the womb.
I think my issue is that I have nowhere private (flatmates never go out and are noisy, walls are paper thin, at my girlfriend's house I need to be quiet too) and I feel self-conscious of any noise, which is why it doesn't work normally...
I'm looking for a new place though, not so I can wank/have sex, though privacy will be a huge bonus in that respect , but just because the noise in the house is too much sometimes to even watch TV.