If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
What helps us to have good relationships ?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi,
I just wanted to throw this question out there and see what people think.
What helps us to have good friendships, family relationships, romantic relationships ?
I'm sure there are quite a few parts to this question.
Maybe it's partly building up trust, putting the effort in with people, being there for others.
Just some ideas, but I just wonder what people think.
I just wanted to throw this question out there and see what people think.
What helps us to have good friendships, family relationships, romantic relationships ?
I'm sure there are quite a few parts to this question.
Maybe it's partly building up trust, putting the effort in with people, being there for others.
Just some ideas, but I just wonder what people think.
0
Comments
What a friend said to me a while back is that to have a good friend you need to be a good friend. With romantic relationships this applies too I guess.
What I guess that means is that you should try and treat others like you would like to be treated yourself.
What do you think about this ? It seems reasonable that we should try and put the effort in, remember birthdays etc.
I think that I make a concious effort to do this and this is a good thing. I think if I was in a romantic relationship it would be a good idea to do similar things, but of course buy flowers and chocolates once in a while (and the odd trip to Paris if I can afford it.)
Something that a friend mentioned once is that we could be selfless when it comes to others, but don't we want something back ?
I mean with a friend or girlfriend if I'm behaving a certain way to them and am being a good friend or boyfriend and they maybe aren't quite as good is this when people get 'dumped ?' (Or visa versa of course.)
But then how do you define whether someone is a good friend or girlfriend/boyfriend ?
Sometimes other people aren't worth it I think.
Another thing is respecting friends beliefs - no matter how crazy they sound to you.
I couldn't say about families, I tend not to get on with or even see most of mine.
I really agree with the notion of having to be a good friend to have a good friend. It's quite easy (and dare I cliched) to say that relationships are inherently about more than one person, and that means that both parties have to put effort in if they want it to work.
Quite interested as well by mark's friend's idea of whether we can ever be selfless in a relationship, or if we're always expecting something back in return - presumably the relationship itself. What does everyone else think?
This, I don't have the answer to. I did a course last year and someone mentioned something that has perturbed me at times. They said how they always ring their friend and the friend doesn't ring them. They said they felt resentful.
They said they went on the reaction of the other person. What the tutor said is that some people may not know how to keep in touch or be bad at it. In an ideal world both parties would be in touch with the other. Maybe the reaction of the other person is most important. I have some friends who I do the leg work with, but it's always a positive reaction. One, for example, invited me on holiday after one phone call.
In his case I believe he is a good friend despite the general lack of contact. I find it tricky to work out what is/isn't a good friendship.