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Too Scared To Try PLEASE HELP!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I've aslways been scared to have sex with a guy and now i'm nearly 18 it's starting to play on my mind. My ex is flirting with me and i really do want to have sex with him. I'm too young to buy toys or anything like that so i need some advice. I'm really tight and i've tried to loosen myself up but nothing works. I'm meeting him next week and i need some advice on what to do. Every time i get close to having sex, i freak out and go back into my shell.
I really need some advice on what to do as i can't keep living my life like this.
I really need some advice on what to do as i can't keep living my life like this.
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I'm not sure that's your ex is the best choice for your first time. It seems that if you're finding it difficult to be relaxed about sex, then the best situation would be with a partner whom with you feel comfortable and relaxed.
Whatever you decide, you should make it clear you want to take it slow, with plenty of foreplay. He needs to be prepared to go at your pace - there shouldn't be any pressure. In practical terms, once you're aroused it should become easier. If he or you put a finger or two in there beforehand, that will help you gradually get used to the feeling. If you're really nervous and haven't gone that far before with him, then perhaps just spending a few times doing this foreplay but not going for full-on sex, would help you feel comfortable for when you do go ahead.
There's also an article on painful sex on thesite that has a bit more information.
I'm going to second woooooooah and say make sure there's lots of foreplay. If nothing else it will help you be more relaxed and like he said, a finger or two will get you used to the sensation of having something in there. Make sure you have some lube handy, because even if you're quite wet, a little bit of extra lubrication never hurts.
If you're VERY worried about being tight, go and see your doctor and ask about vaginal dilators. I was given some of those when I had problems relaxing and it was causing me pain, and they're basically just long plastic cylinders which increase in size and are designed literally to get you used to having something there and help you relax.
Also, you are not too young to buy toys. If you're worried about going into a shop, have a look online at shops like Ann Summers and lovehoney. A quick google will tell you which toys are good. For the time being I'd suggest a bullet until you're more comfortable with the idea, as some of the internal vibrators (e.g. rabbits) can be quite intimidating.
Oh, and condoms. Don't ever forget the condoms.
So, will this ex care about how you feel? Will he stop if you tell him to? That's what you need to think about.
thank you very much for your tips, they're really useful. It is scary for many reasons that i wish to not discuss but by saying that.. many people can figure out what i'm on about. So thank you xx
Broken-Angel..
He's my ex-fiancee so i know that he'd stop if i said stop but your right about the fact that i need to think. I think part of me wants to have sex with him because i still love him and that i hope some kind of relationship will come out of it, i guess i really do need to think about what i'm doing
x
I'm a lot younger than you, but honestly, I wish I'd not had sex after being raped. I wish I'd waited till I'm with the guy I'm with now. Because he means a lot to me... and although your ex means a lot to you, he must be an ex for a reason hun x
I'm so sorry to hear about that. I was sexually abused by a lad for many years when i was younger and i'm just starting to get over it, so that plays a big part in it too. I guess he is an ex for a reason but i feel like i can't have a relationship because i know that guys won't hold out too long before they get annoyed about not having sex. I feel like i could trust my ex but now i feel like i don't want to see him next week because i'm so confused. I just want to get it over and done with so i can start living my life again, and i know it's a really stupid thing to do but i'm prone to do stupid things x
A dear friend of mine is the same age as me, 21, and is still a virgin. I respect her hugely for this because she, (unlike me a lot our crowd of friends a few years back, when we were 17 or 18) didn't rush into it, and make believe that the month old puppy loves that we had were really 'the one'. 18 really isn't that late to have lost it. Please, please don't do it just because your mates are. Do it when it feels right.
Couldn't have put it better myself. It's so much better to wait and do it with someone you really want to do it with, rather than just doing it for the sake of it.