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In love with my sons ex, help!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey to all, i'm Paul 40 yrs old, not long out of a 14 year relationship, 7 yrs married, have 4 kids 2 elder boys (20 and 16) from previous relationships and 2 gorgeous girls (3 and 5) from my marriage, Well where to start, last year my wife cheated on me (slept with men) 3 times, our relationship wasstrained after the first affair and never going to get better, needless to say we split, its amicable enough but i seemed to find a new lease of life, have had various nsa girlfriends over the last 2 months and been pretty eye opening. Then in January had my 2 older boys and girlfriends and my girl-friend over for a party, i had met my sons girlfriend b4 plenty of times when married but we never talked, that night we chatted for the first time and seemed to get along fine ( she mentioned the fact that i was more outgoing since my split), that night my son slept with her for the first time. 2 days later my boy was getting upset that shannon was not answering his calls etc since that night, the next day i got a message from shannon on facebook just saying Hi, we got talking about my son Harry and i honestly was trying to be matchmaker, but the more we chatted the nicer she seemed, we spoke on facebook every day and night (all night) for about 3 weeks, then we met up under a pretence of her needing a lift somewhere, then for 2 weeks we met up every night and she stayed over 3 times (just chatting), eventually we slept together, she stayed over 4 nights in a row, had a big argument with her mum, and didn't want to go home, she has now been at mine for 1 week and asked for a key, Shannon is 18, i'm 40..... can this relationship work, how and when do i tell my son? will it devatate hhim? i don't want to lose him either, i only met up with him again when he was 16 and we have a really good relationship atm? come on guys what do i do next??????
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Comments
If this were me and my sister I'd have told her by now.
You're being disloyal to both your sons, by expecting one to keep a secret from his brother and by keeping this from the other. It's not fair on them and it will put her in a horrid position, too.
It doesn't sound from what you've said like she ever broke up with your son, just stopped answering his calls. So are you sure he knows she's his ex?
It's also moving exceptionally fast, and I'd say that to anyone at this stage of a new relationship, I'm not sure it's time to start handing over house keys.
Walk away or destroy your relationship with your child.
Is that fair to his other son?
Expecting his other son to keep his secret is just as bad as what he's done.....and what he's done is pretty despicable. Noone is whiter than white but to do that to your own son?
The operative word being hope. I think that with this level of betrayal the kindest thing the OP can do is never mention it and deal with the guilt himself. Hopefully the other son feels the same way, but pressurising him is certainly not the way to go.
If his other son didn't know everything I might agree with you but I imagine he is carrying around plenty of guilt by keeping this from his brother and I think it's a horrible thing to ask of your son. As someone said above, if it was my sibling I'd have already spilled the beans (I hope)
If this all comes out in a few months/years time and the one son finds out the other knew all along it will be two family relationships in tatters instead of one....
The man inside me says, wow, you are 40 and had delicious 18 y.o. ass, the father in me (which I am not) says, I rather be on hols in Guantanamo Bay than in your situation. The only viable thing is, trying to make this all undone. Which will never happen, but go at least in the right direction. Stop seeing her and be prepared for your son murdering you in your sleep.
Salvage whatever you can of your conscience and stop seeing that bitch NOW.