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going insane.. ?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
I feel like im truly starting to 'lose it' and desperately need some help, but i dont want to talk to anyone about this face to face.

Ive been struggling with depression for a while now, and have been fighting a self harm addiction for a few years. Just lately things have been getting worse and worse. My sister has started having a difficult time aswell recently, and i felt it had given me a reason to stay strong, because i want to help her. But ive started.. hearing this voice.. at the moment it doesnt really say much, just tells me all these different ways to end my life
And also today, i was walking home from school, listening to music, and the song "Keep holding on" came on, and to be honest the lyrics made me feel strong, and this 'voice' seemed to be almost screaming at me, and kind of showed me this image, of my self throwing my phone on the floor and stamping on it. Also, when i came to a road, it was quiet and the voice was telling me to wait until there was a car and to step out. (This is something ive done before, before i started hearing this voice.)

Then, the voice seemed very happy when i was walking through the grave-yard i always pass through to get home. And i felt suddenly free, and happy because i was surrounded by the dead.

Feeling really confused, as i have been kind of happy recently and thought things were looking up for me.

Any advice/support would be amazing.. x

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i know how you feel, i'm feeling a bit persercuted at the moment by people, i don't hear a voice but they've been sending me messages. Last time this happened i went to the docs and he gave me this medication that helped me block out their mind controlling device and it made me much happier :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i don't think you are going insane *hug*

    you do know that it might not go away unless you do speak to someone about it, don't you? i know it's really scary but it might be best for you to speak to a doctor about it, or to speak to your parents, or whoever you trust. also try to write down what the voice says, because if you do see someone about it they will want to know, and that might feel a bit easier than telling them yourself.
  • plugitinplugitin Noob Posts: 2,197 Mega Poster
    I've had this before. It was really scary. Do you have any professional you see? It can be good to let someone know what's going on, so they can keep an eye on you at least.

    In my case they used the idea of 'watchful waiting' which is essentially monitoring how it goes on - whether it progresses or calms down.

    I found after a month or so it calmed down and never really returned. I was really stressed at the time, and it sounds like you are too, so it could be perhaps linked to that?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks all.

    i dont really know of people i can talk to around my area :/
    but i will try speaking to my doctor.. which will be scary. im not only scared of peoples reactions to this stuff, but ive only seen my doctor once in my life, back when i was about 5. :s


    Yeah i guess underneath i know i need to talk about my problems. Its just not easy, as ive always felt pushed away and as if nobody fully listens.
  • plugitinplugitin Noob Posts: 2,197 Mega Poster
    Love2Hate wrote: »
    thanks all.

    i dont really know of people i can talk to around my area :/
    but i will try speaking to my doctor.. which will be scary. im not only scared of peoples reactions to this stuff, but ive only seen my doctor once in my life, back when i was about 5. :s


    Yeah i guess underneath i know i need to talk about my problems. Its just not easy, as ive always felt pushed away and as if nobody fully listens.
    I understand how scary it is, I could hardly speak when I went to see my Dr about it. Remember: if you don't like the dr, you can always change and see a different one within the practice!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    To be honest, i dont think i will go to my dr, as hes quitee old, and has treated generations of my family haha..
    obv dont want to let the receptionist know what i wat to talk to them about, but who should i ask to see? :S
  • plugitinplugitin Noob Posts: 2,197 Mega Poster
    Yeah, going to the 'family' Dr can be quite offputting, could you maybe see a different dr at the practice? Also, you have to remember that anything you say will be confidential. This took me ages to get my head around it, and I would always start getting nervous when I knew someone else was going to the Drs... But they have sworn an oath of confidentiality (providing you're 16 + and not endangering yourself (in this situation they might refer you on to a MH professional, but won't tell your parents etc)).
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    also if you are finding speaking difficult, maybe write a letter beforehand saying the stuff you would tell the doctor. That way, if you can't find the words at the time, you can hand the Dr the paper to read.
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