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Help wanted with a wee situation
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi all,
New member and new post so please be kind to me.
Been going out with my girlfriend since mid November and although we’ve fooled around plenty and had some very heavy petting sessions we’d never actually slept together. We’ve both just come out of very bad and destructive relationships and at the moment are very much in love so thought we would celebrate the start of the new year, and hopefully our new lives together, with sleeping together for the first time on new years day, 1st January. Of course that can store up all sorts of problems with anticipation and the event not being as good as hoped. I’ve slept with more women than her men and I knew she was worried about it, so I told her before hand that I didn’t care if we didn’t feel like going all the way, but was happy enough for to happen of it’s own accord. That seemed okay to me.
However, when in bed she asked me if I’d make love to her properly, which I did. Anyway, long story short, she didn’t come, (though she has previously whilst we’ve just been kissing and cuddling) and the more determined she seemed to want me to make her come the less chance there seemed to be of it happening. So now she’s confused and upset. Although she’d agreed with me that we’d just go with the flow, it seems she’d built up this great idea in her head that the first time would be magical and spectacular. I said that’s not always the case, but I’m sure it will be so very soon. But that doesn’t seem to have helped.
Personally I’ve no doubt it will be very good and very soon. I’m just worried she’ll get herself into a vicious spiral.
So, folks, some help needed. What do you think I can say to make it better? Unfortunately I work night shift and am there now, but will be seeing her again tomorrow evening, when I’m sure we’ll be sleeping together again.
New member and new post so please be kind to me.
Been going out with my girlfriend since mid November and although we’ve fooled around plenty and had some very heavy petting sessions we’d never actually slept together. We’ve both just come out of very bad and destructive relationships and at the moment are very much in love so thought we would celebrate the start of the new year, and hopefully our new lives together, with sleeping together for the first time on new years day, 1st January. Of course that can store up all sorts of problems with anticipation and the event not being as good as hoped. I’ve slept with more women than her men and I knew she was worried about it, so I told her before hand that I didn’t care if we didn’t feel like going all the way, but was happy enough for to happen of it’s own accord. That seemed okay to me.
However, when in bed she asked me if I’d make love to her properly, which I did. Anyway, long story short, she didn’t come, (though she has previously whilst we’ve just been kissing and cuddling) and the more determined she seemed to want me to make her come the less chance there seemed to be of it happening. So now she’s confused and upset. Although she’d agreed with me that we’d just go with the flow, it seems she’d built up this great idea in her head that the first time would be magical and spectacular. I said that’s not always the case, but I’m sure it will be so very soon. But that doesn’t seem to have helped.
Personally I’ve no doubt it will be very good and very soon. I’m just worried she’ll get herself into a vicious spiral.
So, folks, some help needed. What do you think I can say to make it better? Unfortunately I work night shift and am there now, but will be seeing her again tomorrow evening, when I’m sure we’ll be sleeping together again.
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Comments
As you said it might just have been the anticipation of the first time that has caused this to happen. But everyone gets pleasure in different ways. Just because she usually comes through foreplay alone, doesn’t mean she’ll never respond to sex, it just might take some time and there are lots of things you can try to drive your woman wild.
If you are really concerned that the problem may be more serious than that there are dedicated organisations such as Brook who you may want to consider contacting.
I hope this helps, and good luck with girlfriend here on in. Take care, Fiz