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my wife hates my mum...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
My wife hates my mum and has told me she wants nothing to do with her, she dont want me seeing her, or our son to have any contact with her at all.

I cant obide by this but she wants me to choose as she cant stand by and allow our son to see her, but im not going to stop seeing my mum and i think itll break us up...

To top it all off, her mums living with us while my wife looks for work, i understood once she finds work we put him in nursery but now she says she wants her mum to stay looking after him and that lead to a row, i dont wanna live with her mum...

Im in a fucking horrible situation.:shocking:

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    wtf is wrong with you wife? Maybe she has her reasons for your son to see her, but she wants YOU to stop seeing your own mum? For what reasons does she (wife) not like her (mother) ?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    oh loads of things, a million small things, she thinks shes intentionally tried to make her look stupid, she thinks she doesnt care about noone and is a bad influence, i said i dont care if you hate her, but dont expect me to stop seeing her or taking my son too, she says i gotta decide? The fact is im not gonna agree and im gonna sleep on this, but quite possible tomorrow we will not be together?

    btw, my boys one next week :(
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my main concern is that shes polish and will wanna take him to live over there?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think your wife is being very unreasonable. I know its really tough but you cannot let her bully you into doing something you don't want. I know you risk losing your son to another country which would be terrible but you also can't live a life where someone else is ruining it for you and bullying you.
    Try sitting down with her and telling her how YOU feel and what YOU want.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    thanks, i dont think talking to her will do much good im afraid cos she will just start saying all the things she hates about my mum again and not really listen :(

    but i wont let her bully me into it so i will be telling her as much, come what may...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Seaweed, she's your mum ffs. It's time to drop the wife imho.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    whats her big problem with your mum? is there any truth in it?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your wife has some big ego.

    If she wont listen to your side write a letter explaining everything and get out the house with your son for a few hours. That way she can't confront you and completely ignore the letter.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's difficult to tell without knowing those involved why your wife feels this way. I'm in a similar situation, as in, I'm dating a bloke whose mother I loathe and don't want to meet. She calls him regularly to try to get him to give her money. She talks to people about me (and him) in a negative way. etc. I often think whether I could have children with him because I am not sure if I could handle him visiting his mum with them. :X No way would I want her to visit our home.

    I think the question here is whether this is a reasonable request to not want anything to do with your mum. I can understand that you're being put in a bad place, it's tough landing between two mad women that don't like one another. ;) I think you two need to find a way to talk and listen to each other. I wouldn't be dating my bloke today if he wasn't willing to try to understand why I don't like his mum and I have tried my best to understand that he feels the need to keep some contact, especially as he has a daughter from a previous relationship that he thinks should make her own decision whether to stay in touch with her grandmother.

    Where does your mum stand in this? How does she treat or talk about your wife? You're the only one who can protect your wife from your own mother.

    I also understand completely that you don't want to live with her mum!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I accept: the question here is whether this is a reasonable request to not want anything to do with your mum.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    That's a tough situation, I sympathise. But didn't you introduce her to your family BEFORE you married? I know this is totally unhelpful, but shouldn't you have 'cleared' your gf with those important to you (family and best friends) before you married?

    It's a tough one, but family is forever, you can always get a new wife. Besides, unless your mum is horrible (which I doubt since she must love you bc she's your mum) then your wife is unjustified and RIDICULOUSLY selfish. Dump her.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dunno. i go on lots of parenting websites and obviously its mainly people in long term relationships or married, and its not actually THAT uncommon for there to be tense relationships between wives and mothers in law.
    You get horrible manipulative people in all walks of life, and some of these will be mothers of sons, and whilst the majority of daughter in law/mother in law relationships will be just fine, there will be some that are not - not in the slightest.
    Its not NECESSARILY the daughter in law being some bitch here.
    maybe it is, maybe it isnt. Its not like weve been given many details here.

    i think whilst its important to keep family ties. there is also the fact that as a mature adult, a husband and a father, your bond should really be more with your wife and child than your mother.
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