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i need a guys advice but gals r just as welcome 2 comment PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Right basically i'v been with my boyfriend for over 2years and we hav a gorgeous little boy who is 3months old and i'v got a little boy from a previous relationship who is 5. My figure is just as good as it was wen i was 18, i'v got no stretch marks or flab n im a nice size 8. I make a effort every morning to try and look nice, i do my makeup and my hair n even try and dress nice but recently my boyfriend has lost intrest in me. He makes no effort to look good anymore, he never does his hair, hasn't had a bath in ages, even though he washes every morning, a bath would still b nice. Whats his problem. When we first got together we had sex ALL THE TIME, i mean all the time, but now im lucky if its once a month. He's not tired as i do all the work with the baby, I do all the night feeds and all the housework, he doesn't lift a finger, all he does is go to work and then come home, thats it!!!! am i doing somethin wrong here????
Another thing thats REALLY REALLY bothering me is that he is holding back when we have sex, i know there is something he wants me to do or that HE wants to do! I know this because he's told me but when i ask him what it is he refuses to tell me. The only time he has ever given me a incling of what it is, was when we were drunk, and it was AMAZIN, i loved every second of it but now, nothing! Iv talked untill im blue in the face about it but he's just holding back saying that there isn't anything he wants. Iv instigated sex more times than i can count but still nothing, im at my wits end as our relationship is suffering now, what can i do to make him open up and tell me as our relationship really needs this!!!! please can someone help me out here?
Another thing thats REALLY REALLY bothering me is that he is holding back when we have sex, i know there is something he wants me to do or that HE wants to do! I know this because he's told me but when i ask him what it is he refuses to tell me. The only time he has ever given me a incling of what it is, was when we were drunk, and it was AMAZIN, i loved every second of it but now, nothing! Iv talked untill im blue in the face about it but he's just holding back saying that there isn't anything he wants. Iv instigated sex more times than i can count but still nothing, im at my wits end as our relationship is suffering now, what can i do to make him open up and tell me as our relationship really needs this!!!! please can someone help me out here?
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That would help a great deal, then maybe we can give you some decent advice.
Unfortunately I don't really know what to do, but as stupid as it sounds: maybe get him a little bit drunk so he opens up more and you can talk about the problems and work together to a solution.
I just dont know what to do to resolve the rut we've become stuck in.
This is one of those things that really needs him to talk, when you try and get him to talk where do you do it? Is it worth perhaps getting rid of the kids for an evening and making an effort to go out, book a meal or even just go for a drive to somewhere secluded in the countryside where you can talk without being bothered?
Men do tend to bottle up their emotions, it's the way we're wired and most guys find it difficult to express themselves.
Iv told him that its affecting our relationship and he says that he doesn't mean to, and for a few days everything is fantastic but within a week maximum, we are right back to where we were before!
I cant be the only person trying to make this relationship work, i need some help from him but what do i do when he wont talk about it, even when he is tipsy???
im not too sure have you made it extremly clear that if you cant sort it out - the relationship Will NOT work?
Hmm..
Maybe do things that you both really have a passion for and take your mind away from everything else? - example when im pissed off or upset i play computer games, do you both share hobbies of any sort?
or maybe go on a short break (obv not soon as your tight on cash) but scrape together for one?
We are pretty much different in everyway when it comes to things like that! I mean we share the same interest in music etc but when i suggest taking my son swimming and have a mess around, he always says no and spends his time on the computer playing world of warcraft! Its true what they say about that game anyway, married couples have actually got divorced over that game lol! I can see us going the same way if he spends much more time on that game.
Lol yeah it can be a marriage wrecker. I wouldnt no what else to suggest really
Agreed.
In your first post you said something like "ALL he does is go to work and come home", well ALL you do is stay at home and look after the baby... I know which i'd rather do and it would be the baby everytime.
I'm not saying he's perfect and theres obviously stuff that need sorting out but cut the guy some slack, he's going out and earning the money thats allowing you to stay home and look after your baby and also your other kid, maybe the pressure of supporting 3 people is stressing him out? Maybe he hates his job but knows he has no choice but to go because you and the kids need his money to live?
Pestering him with "whats wrong with you" kinda stuff all the time would piss me off even more and probably push me further away... its a guy thing!
Why don't you look for childcare for sometime in the near future and go out and get yourself a job, ease the financial pressure he may be feeling? Only if its part-time.
Also it doesn't cost much to get away for a day, bit harder without a car obviously but i'm sure trains run to the coast, theres some nice places in England (although shame about the shitty weather).
But do you honestly think its reasonable to ignore your fiance and children because your stressed at work, I would have thought that coming home to a girlfriend and children would be a nice change from the stress of work, or am i wrong?????
Its not easy for me doing the things that i do everyday, which suprisingly is, a hell of alot, but i dont ignore him and my children, so why should he???
Stress can have many implications, and just because he comes home to a loving fiance and child, them implications don't just dis-appear as if like magic! He could need to go to the doctors and see how they can help.
The computer thing needs sorting out, but also you both need to have your own lifes, you can't live in each others pockets, it would do my crust in and in my opinion is a recipe for disaster!
What does he have to talk to you about? He hates is job so he's not gonna come home and talk about that! you hate computer games so he's not gonna talk to you about that! Your at home all day doing washing, ironing, cleaning up baby sick...probably not his idea of pleasant conversation..... ya see what I'm getting at?? You both need hobbys, or to go out and do stuff on your own, then you can come home and be able to have a normal conversation about what you've been up to.... I believe this is an important part of a successful relationship.