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Help...I'm in love with a friend who is married..And she doesn't know.

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
I have been friends with this girl for 5 years now we talk about...everything. The problem lies in the fact i have been in love with her for as long as i can remember. I assure you it's not lust or some fling but i really truly love her. The problem? she is married, to make matters worse i am the first person she talks to about any problems with her marriage and lately it seems like a lot. Most recently she told me how upset she was because while she is not a woman of physical possessions her husband did not even get her a card for there anniversary...not only that but went to bed early as if the night did not matter. It's hard to tell at times whether or not they are happy or not, they do not have any kids together. The problem is i am at my wits end to the point each day is depressing knowing i am not with her. And she knows something is up because she knows me well enough to know when i am depressed...so i made up a story about some problems i was having with some friends of mine (well not made up but made it out to be more then it was). Even WORSE we now work together and see each other 35-40 hours a week and talk all the time at work too...I don't want to interfere in someones marriage but god help me i love this woman enough to die for her. What do i do?

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    littlemissylittlemissy Posts: 9,972 Supreme Poster
    You said it yourself - you don't want to interfere in someone's marriage. You back off.

    You need to get some space between her and yourself. Yes, you work together now, but you need to distance yourself after work.

    What do you expect to achieve if you tell her how you feel?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm with Little Missy on this. You do need to move on, but I guess that'll be hard if you're working together.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Definitely agree space is a good thing in this situation. It's difficult not to be tempted to read too much into anything remotely negative about someone's relationship when you have feelings for them. Unless you're also close friends with her husband, try to bear in mind you are only getting her side of how things are. Maybe in reality she does deserve someone who's more attentive than her current husband, but there may be aspects of the relationship she is emphasizing to get an outsider's opinion, or things about her behaviour you don't know about.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i agree too, space would be the best option
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    missemilylouise wrote: »
    i agree too, space would be the best option

    If you really do love her then you can either

    1.Move on and try find someone else and be friends.
    2.Wait. Don't try and influence things, just be there. However you feel, you don't want to be the reason for a marriage breaking up.
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