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Friend talking to my ex

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Sorry if I'm being a bit daft here, but a friend just told me that she's been talking to my ex over Facebook. They barely knew each other and must've met each other about 5 times the entire time we were together. To be honest, I'm a bit pissed off. She says it's only friendly, how're you? kind of things but I don't see why she's talking to him, especially after I explicitly stated to all my friends that whilst I couldn't stop them, I'd prefer it if they didn't talk to him and under no circumstances were they to tell me if they were keeping in touch or how he's doing. This is not what I need.

I think what riles me more is that this friend has been too busy to comfort me after my relationship ended, not even a phonecall or a text to see how I was doing, but she's got enough time to be pally to my ex who she barely knew.

Any thoughts?

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my thoughts are that shes not a real friend and i would forget/blank her
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If she was a good friend of his then I would say there is nothing really you can do but as she's not I do think she is being a bit shit as a friend.

    If he contacted her first then I can understand her replying, just to be civil etc, but if she contacted him first after hardley knowing him I would be a bit weary!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've not known him to start a convo with her, I think he only added her to be polite as she was a friend of mine, so I'm guessing it was her who started it. They very rarely met, it was only at birthday dos that they tended to meet.

    I said I'd prefer it if she didn't talk to him or at least didn't mention it and she was pretty much like 'I know he hurt you but I just wanted to see how he was' which was a bit of a strange thing to say.

    I do seem to be falling out with a lot of people lately!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't really see why it matters all that much. He's an ex. It's facebook. Big deal.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mist wrote: »
    I don't really see why it matters all that much. He's an ex. It's facebook. Big deal.

    :yes: You can't choose who your friends do & don't talk to.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know I can't but if you read it all through, she's never been that close to him but has chosen to see if he's doing alright rather than ask me, her friend, if I'm alright.

    I don't care if she's talking to him but I told her that I don't want to know anything about it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Marina Aniseed wrote: »
    I know I can't but if you read it all through, she's never been that close to him but has chosen to see if he's doing alright rather than ask me, her friend, if I'm alright.

    I don't care if she's talking to him but I told her that I don't want to know anything about it.

    Yeah but really that's kind of your problem. If it bothers you on facebook, you can ignore their entries.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Mist wrote: »
    Yeah but really that's kind of your problem. If it bothers you on facebook, you can ignore their entries.

    definately :yes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I went out drinking with an ex of one of my best friends too after their split. Admittedly, it was not one of my wisest moves, but we are friends just like we were before and I'd despise it, if I'd broke the friendship over such a thing. Cut your friends some slack, good friends are hard to find (assuming she was a good friend before) and are allowed to make 'mistakes' (I think they are under no obligation to comfort you after the break-up. It's nice when they do, but I would not expect it from them and therefore think bad of them if they did not).
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It's not wall posts it's on the chat thing. I can't see exactly who said what but starting a conversation with me by telling me that you've been talking to my ex and thus already know how swapping back stuff went before I've even had a chance to mention it is a tad hard to ignore.

    Do you see what I'm trying to say?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you are so not over the break-up.

    Not that this is a bad thing, but it's a matter of fact. Don't bother with that stuff.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    the fact that shes not over the break up, is even more reason for "friends" to play it safe.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thank you SCC.

    I'm well aware that I'm not over it, he was my first love and I was with him for quite a while. I'm trying my best to deal with it but it's not going to happen today, tomorrow or next week. I don't want to know how he is. If my friends do, then fine, but I don't want them telling me, especially when they've not been bothered to find out how I'm doing. If there is something that important that has happened in his life that he needs to tell me, he knows where to find me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Personally to me she doesnt sound like a good friend, if she has got time for your ex then she must certainly have time for you, as you are more of a friend to her than your ex. You should tell her how you feel about her talking to your ex and see where you stand with her, and if she is still the same then to be honest its her loss then at the end of the day.
    Hope this helps :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In situations like this you can separate your friends from your enemies real quickly. Sounds like she's interested but whatever drove you and he apart, will do the same to them. They will both get what they deserve.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My guess is she was impressed with him while you two were dating. A lot of girls seem to operate this way, a guy becomes a lot more attractive to them if he is in a relationship, especially if his girlfriend speaks favourably of him. I'd absolutely be suspicious if I were in your shoes. If they end up going out drop her as a friend, and don't waste emotion being mad at him because she'll burn him sooner or later.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks all :)

    I think I'll avoid her for a little while to let things cool down and see how we both feel then. I did say that I'd prefer it if she didn't talk to him but she just said 'k' and went offline. Oh well. The thing is, I know she wouldn't like it if I was talking to her ex, so I don't know why she thinks it'd be different the other way round.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well she sounds like a wonderful friend :|.

    I think she probably fancied him tbh. I think avoiding her is probably your best bet atm.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    while i do agree with the 'maybe she's not a very good friend' thought i also think if i was her i would object slightly to you telling me who i can and cant talk to. fair enough you didnt outirght ban her, you just said you'd prefer her not to but still, as horrible as the whole situation is for you, it doesnt necessarily mean none of your friends should speak to him and as mentioned, it's just facebook, they're hardly meeting up behind your back.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, she's more than welcome to talk to him if she wants to, I'd just prefer it if she didn't and I definitely don't want to know about it. I know it's only Facebook but I think want annoys me the most about all this is that she's got the time to see how he is but not how I am...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Can you tell her what you just said above?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    This situation just happened to me except i did what your friend is doing and trust me it doesnt end well for any one involved.

    If you stays friends and they date it makes things awkward between you and it got so bad when i did it i blew my best mate off (and if things didnt go pear shape with the girl it would of been the biggest mistake of my life).

    Now it depends on how close you two are but its really up to her to decied what she wants. Im lucky that my mate didnt let me completely go but we where in a world of hurt for a while (and still sorting things out) and i would recommend letting her go if she doesnt value your friendship to avoid the pain and hurt that will come of it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    rethink the `barely knew` thought!!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    joolz61 wrote: »
    rethink the `barely knew` thought!!

    Do you know something I don't?

    To Melian, I will send her a message saying that :)
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