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Dealing with a loved one with depression/ Self Harming
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi my partner has depression and lately she has been saying that she feels nothing and wants to take drugs although she has never touched drugs in her life before and is against them. I have said no to this and been told she wants to harm herself so that she can feel something she has self harmed before during this bad time but I have said that she cant do this, but really how can i stop her. I lost a friend in november last year he self harmed and i thought he was getting better but he hung himself. I am really at my wits end and fear i am going to loose her too
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have you read the section on this site about self harm and how to cope with a close friend who is suffering in this way.
Please read it may help and there might be other links there that you can try also?
getting a punch bag
hitting her pillow
breathing techniques
noting down how she feels
just some ideas im sure there is plenty more.
I have tried over and over again to let her know how i am its breaking me down i am in my work the now and i just broke in to a panic attack.
I have stuck by her and will carry on sticking by her because i love her and i have been there before myself and know its not nice.
I'm getting scared that i am going back there myself and if i am what kind of help would i be?
Have you thought about what caused this? and how tha could be fixed?
Now i am getting from her that she is fine and wont be going back to the doctors which she is clearly not fine so how am i meant to be able to help her if she is not willing to help herself?
Dont give up!
I trust this helps?
She is suffering from depression and i was going to say that is where the self harming started from but she was using forums on a girls magazine website about depression and these lassies on it was condoning self harming and i really dont think that has helped her. I am worried sick as i self harmed and that lead to suicide attempts. My mate self harmed and he killed himself in november.
Even if she was to come on to a site like this i think that would be ok as i dont see any signs of people saying its ok to self harm and you should have a self harm kit and so on, Seems like a nice bunch on here.
I really am lost on what to do i like to be a strong person but right now i just feel the walls are falling in from every side.
I am glad to hear you are doing much better
How do you want to see this situation improving and am sure you are giving her the best support you can right now so please dont give up on yourself or her.
What kind of depression is she suffering from?
I am sorry to hear about your situation to but your right this is a fab site for information and people to talk with.
You are right to that people self-harm because of depression does she talk about this to you.
Big hugs and try the web for more information, there might be a light at the end of tunnel, in talking to an expert which i am not.
Talking will help to.
As i said over the last few years i have became a stronger person and although i dont feel that the now i know that i will be fine and wont slip back to any old ways.
She hardly ever talks to me about it although i always insist that if she needs to talk i will always be there to listen.
Now she is saying that she wont go back to the doctors or she wont take her anti-depressants and that there is nothing wrong with her and she just needs to self harm or take drugs to feel something. She has never touched a drug in her life.
What is the reason for not seeing her GP?
I get depressed at times and sometimes wish that I can wash away all the pains and hurts in my life.
Her reason for saying she does not need to see her GP is that she is now saying there is nothing wrong with her. But breaking down all the time, wanting to harm yourself, wanting to take drugs and so on in my opinion is not a sign of been better.
If anything over the last few weeks she has spiralled way down and thinking these actions are ok is worrying.
It sounds like you're in a really difficult situation. It can't be easy to see someone you love in this way, but from what you say, you're doing a fantastic job at supporting her. Although it may not seem like you're having an affect on her decisions, I'm sure you're having a really positive impact just by being there for her
You could take a look at 'When a partner self harms' on TheSite.org, which may provide some useful guidance. Also remember to look after yourself through all this - it's important you realise your needs too!
Perhaps talking to someone will help. You can always call the Samaritans (08457 909090) - opening up and gaining a second perspective may help you. Alternatively, Sane offers practical information, crisis care and emotional support to anybody affected by mental health problems.
I really hope this helps. Do keep posting and please look after yourself.
Becca
You just being there is good and I am sure helps.
Who hates you? Surely this is done to help and by the sounds of what I am reading you both need some real advice from a proper expert.
I feel as if i am useless and now when i try and help her with it all i get is she is better or she must have been misdiagnosed and this is very frustrating as i cant help her if shes not going to help herself and if anything, i just get told that i am wrong and she is fine. She never used to be in denial but now this is really scaring me.
I know i should seek some professional help but shes going to see it as me betraying her.
I would happily pay for a councillor or anything like that for her but the way she is now she wouldnt go.
I did go out with a guy at one time who was self harming, and talking like you said your partner was. I think you just have to be there for them, suppport them and try and take there mind of things. it might be hard for you to understand exactly why she wants to do it, but im sure she has falued reasons even if she cant explain it out loud. Stick with it, becuase things will and can get better