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I'm so stupid...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Meh I just need to get this off my chest...

Basically theres this girl I like yada yada yada, we get on well talk a lot and I thought there was potentially maybe something there, because recently we've been spending more and more solo time together and we chat practically every day, however she has recently got a BF and while at first it didn't bother me too much as I thought it perhaps wouldn't last, it's become clear that she's starting to become serious about him and I'm gutted.

Obviously i've not said anything to her about anything, and I don't think it's wise too as I could ruin a good friendship and the chances are she's gonna say no even if I potentially had a chance because she has a BF, plus he sounds like a nice chap and I want her to be happy.

I don't know if i've completely misread the signs or perhaps there was something there and there now isn't but basically while at first I was just attracted to her, recently as we've talked more i've started to really fancy her, possibly could call it a crush and so now I need to move on, but I don't really know where to start as I just feel quite down :( Doesn't help that i've never been successful with any girls, and i'm an idiot as I tend to get too emotionally involved in girls I like and then when the inevitable happens I feel like this, and at the moment i'm almost feeling like it's pointless. I've liked several girls and none of them have liked me back and I don't think I can keep getting emotionally invested in people when i'm gonna have to keep going through this. I'm not a one night stand kind of guy, I'd rather have a proper relationship with a girl i'm crazy about.

:( Sorry if this turned into a rant, I just feel really depressed and needed to get it off my chest, what do I do?


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your still young there is time, however to avoid such circumstances you really shouldn't get too hung up on girls - just go with the flow, have fun and yes continue to be her friend, but do not try to do anything with her while shes dating this guy and if she tries anything with you tell her you'd rather not, she will respect you in the end for making her be faithful to her current b/f.

    I know - easier said then done.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    join the club mate
    pretty much exatcly the same thing has happened to me in the past week
    what i've learnt, from people on teh boards, is to treat this as a learning curve, just take ur time, see how it goes with u and her and if shes got a BF i won't tell her how u feel

    take care mate
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear

    :( Sorry if this turned into a rant, I just feel really depressed and needed to get it off my chest, what do I do?

    Hey pulpfiction, I hope it's helped to get it off your chest.

    It sounds like you're keen to do the right thing and I think conway has hit on something with the point about her having respect for you if you give her space to be with this guy. TheSite.org's article on "I love my best friend" says:
    If your heart is set on them, you'll just have to wait for it to come to a natural end, and be there after they've picked up the pieces. Just don't start slagging their partner off or interfering in any other way, no matter how tempting it may be. Of course they might not split up, in which case you have to be realistic, and move on to another love interest.

    Having said that, it can be really hard to just forget about it and get on with stuff, have fun, meet new people etc.

    You say it might just be a crush, which would make it easier to get over, but even if it is more than that, you are capable and strong enough to move on from her and find happiness in a relationship elsewhere. Who knows, she may even be the source of lots of lovely girlfriends who you could potentially hook up with. (Just don't suggest that to her just yet) ;)

    Take care and let us know how you get on.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru

    Just an update. Basically we kinda had a row over something stupid, and i thought i had better tell her before I ruin our friendship by the way i was acting around her. So I told her, I explained to her that I know she taken and that nothing's going to happen but I just needed to tell her so she didn't think I was a complete nutcase. She understood completely and while obviously nothing is going to happen because she's in a relationship and because (lets face it) she doesn't think of me in that way, we're still going to remain friends and so I'm glad i've got it off my chest, she now knows why i've been a bit weird around her, she now knows how I feel and i've gotten it off my chest and can joke about me asking her to hook me up with one of her friends :)

    So while i'm obviously pretty disappointed that nowts gonna happen (even though I pretty much 99% knew nothing would), at least it's off my chest and we can just go on being friends. Just hope things don't become awkard, she said she wouldn't be awkard with me over it and we're gonna keep it to ourselves. I'm glad she's being so cool over it, would hate to lose her as a friend cause of it. Maybe now i've told her I can move on a bit easier cause the chapter is kind of closed, if you get me. I suppose theres a slim possibility in the future she may think of me in a different way (as in more than a friend) now she knows how I feel, but i'm not going to let myself get lost in the fantasy of that happening.

    So all in all a not so bad outcome from potentially much worse outcomes I feel :) Think I did the right thing?
  • **helen****helen** Mod malarkist Posts: 9,235 Listening Ear

    So all in all a not so bad outcome from potentially much worse outcomes I feel :) Think I did the right thing?

    Totally. :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Me again. I'm really stuck - I thought i'd be fine but i'm not. She's beginning to get close to another guy and I just feel like i've been punched in the stomach everytime I hear his name. I feel fine, then I perhaps speak to her and she mentions him in passing and I feel like crap again... I'm really struggling to move on.

    We had a chat once (semi-drunk) and she said that she doesn't really see me as bf material, which hurt and that she just sees me as a friend, but I still like her as more than a friend, and I'm beginning to avoid her because it's horrible to be in her company as I just get jealous and upset, but at the same time I don't want to lose her as a friend, especially because we're housemates next year! (stupid me moving in with someone I really like...) I just don't know what to do for the best.. it's weird I don't think i've ever liked a girl as much as I do her... she annoys me and irritates me at times, but I still can't get her out of my head. It sucks.

    How do I get over her? Any tips?

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey pulpfiction,

    I'm kind of in the same boat pal. it sucks having to tell one of your closest friends how you feel, well, you already know why. I've personally always been told to just.. honestly, can't talk to her as much (though i'm a HUGE hypocrite haha). I suppose there probably isn't quite a way to just "move on" as many say unless it comes to the point of no contact honestly :(. I told my best girl friend how i felt 8 months ago.. and am still not over her, I don't help myself by her still talking to me everyday, but you know.. you really can't just stop talking to her. Sometimes, I do believe that there are moments where I could kiss her, but what kind of consequences could that create? I really don't know and she is suppose to be moving to my college next semester so we'll see. I guess what I'm trying to say is try not to let yourself become me in the future. 8 months since I've told her and it's still there.. and I'm still her best guy friend.. just her friend.....

    Keep me posted,
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