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Don't know what to do
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My god, there's so much to get my head around I dont even know where to start.
I broke up with my ex (M) about 6 weeks ago. There were things about him that couldve been improved on, as well as me no doubt, but one day out of the blue i stopped hearing from him. I tried all possible ways to contact him and i got no reply, so i ended it two weeks later.
Another two weeks later i got in contact with an old friend (G). we'd known each other a few months but cos i was with M, i didnt pursue it. One drunken night i texted him, and we've been texting and msning ever since with plans to meet up and even discussed how we'd like to be together, all this with still not hearing anything from M.
Now, on new years day i finally hear from M. He apologised for everything and asked me to forgive him, telling me he went off the rails, forgot about everyone, and has been kicked out his band for it. At first i was adamant i wasnt going to forgive him, he was my first and only love and i was hurt beyond belief with what he did. I told G i had no intention of getting back with him and would rather forget about it. But now i'm having second thoughts.
Theres a long list i could come up with, with what he's done to me and why we shouldnt be together but ever since we've talked i've started to think about him more and have considered giving him another chance if he gets his act together. We had briefly discussed plans for when i leave uni, either living together or taking a holiday and i cant just forget all those things.
I also dont want to hurt G. He's said for me to do what i want and to not worry about hurting him but i do. We've gotten really really close and i dont want it to seem like i was only stringing him along and then to go back to M. But i still love M and have never met G properly in person.
Will i be a mug for giving M another chance? I've only been feeling this since we've regained contact and before then i've wanted nothing to do with him. G is also almost the complete opposite of M, so sweet i wouldnt even want to consider hurting him. My mind changes every minute from one to the other and i dont know what to do. At the moment G thinks everythings fine and we're right on track and M thinks theres no chance at all.
I broke up with my ex (M) about 6 weeks ago. There were things about him that couldve been improved on, as well as me no doubt, but one day out of the blue i stopped hearing from him. I tried all possible ways to contact him and i got no reply, so i ended it two weeks later.
Another two weeks later i got in contact with an old friend (G). we'd known each other a few months but cos i was with M, i didnt pursue it. One drunken night i texted him, and we've been texting and msning ever since with plans to meet up and even discussed how we'd like to be together, all this with still not hearing anything from M.
Now, on new years day i finally hear from M. He apologised for everything and asked me to forgive him, telling me he went off the rails, forgot about everyone, and has been kicked out his band for it. At first i was adamant i wasnt going to forgive him, he was my first and only love and i was hurt beyond belief with what he did. I told G i had no intention of getting back with him and would rather forget about it. But now i'm having second thoughts.
Theres a long list i could come up with, with what he's done to me and why we shouldnt be together but ever since we've talked i've started to think about him more and have considered giving him another chance if he gets his act together. We had briefly discussed plans for when i leave uni, either living together or taking a holiday and i cant just forget all those things.
I also dont want to hurt G. He's said for me to do what i want and to not worry about hurting him but i do. We've gotten really really close and i dont want it to seem like i was only stringing him along and then to go back to M. But i still love M and have never met G properly in person.
Will i be a mug for giving M another chance? I've only been feeling this since we've regained contact and before then i've wanted nothing to do with him. G is also almost the complete opposite of M, so sweet i wouldnt even want to consider hurting him. My mind changes every minute from one to the other and i dont know what to do. At the moment G thinks everythings fine and we're right on track and M thinks theres no chance at all.
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Comments
Isn't the bolded the main thing? Sounds to me like he doesn't have his act together and you could as well have this happen to you again. Is it correctly understood that you didn't hear from him for a month?? And you're wanting to give him another chance so soon after?
Of course I have no idea what caused him to go off the rails nor do I understand how one can forget everyone for a month and suddenly re-appear... It doesn't sound encouraging to me.
It's then all on him - he can either walks away or risk meeting up with you knowing what may happen. Just because he's 'nice' doesn't make him right for you.
Normally our History will win over on 'niceness' and you'll most likely slip back to what you know and loved. But Fuck it, it's just life and you're young. Don't panic or stress out over it. Just enjoy M while he's back. In time you'll find the long term strength to tell M to fuck off and you'll get with a bloke like G/or even G when your ready.
Whatever outcome you pick wont effect you long term imo.We build shit up bigger than it is but that's because we dealing with it in the here and now, a year or 2 down the line and none of it wont matter and you'll be laughing about it.
You'll still find love and happiness whatever happens. Although I would say don't get into habit of letting yourself be dicked around by blokes like M. It's not cool on you.
well, i'll bet i made the wrong choice. I chose to give M another chance, as was probably guessed. I told G and he now hates me and reckons its all doomed to failure, which it probably is.
I still have issues with M tho. I dont know if i can completely trust him. i told him to tell me if there was anything i should know and he just said, 'dont worry you cant trust me, i dont want to hurt you'. To be honest, i'm going back for comfort, because its familiar and comfortable, no matter how fraught with paranoia and insecurity im going to be from now on.
we're also going to meet up when im back at uni. he says he will come down to cambridge but we'll see. I really dont know what im doing at the moment.
I broke it off with M this morning. I realised i just wasnt going to happy and was more likely to be stressed, hurt and worried the whole time. I'm only just trying to get myself over the last time and i think it will feel like taking a step backwards if i go back with him.
Understandably, G is still quite hurt and i think confused about why i did what i did. Ive explained that i never meant to hurt him and i want us to be as close as were again and pick up where we left off, but i think it will take for him to come round. I hope he lets me, cos i dont want to have fucked this up for everyone.
I dont really know what to say to him either apart from sorry. i thought i was doing what was best and he said to me to do what i want to do. I jst hope he forgives me and gives me another chance. :crying:
Aslong as your happy thats all that matters and in times like this put yourself first and dont worry about the others. They will get over it.
You ok? x
I just feel bad for hurting G. If he decides not to give things a go, it will be my fault, i ruined everything and it was going so well.
How do people cope with knowing theyve hurt someone else? Even if they dont mean to or cant help it.
As far as copeing with when you knew you have hurt someone, in your case you had a decision to make and that decision was going to hurt someone. Not your fault its just how it was going to be. Maybe think a little longer about these big decisions next time. One person was always going to get hurt in this situation. Best of luck to you and G.