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Complicated. Is it just a use?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Right, there isn't alot of place I can go for advice so.. y'know.

Anyway, this boy of whom is a friend but not a really close one, wants to have sex with me. We're not together though, we have kissed before but have simply forgotten about it/pretended it never happened for certain reasons.

If I go through with this, it'll be my first time. I've done most things bar actual sex. Now, this guy is bound to tell his friends, because they've all liked me at one point and you know how guys like to boast. :yes:

At first, I was just like.. 'Er.. okay,' :yeees: The idea didn't really bother me in other words. Then I spoke to some friends about it because this guy's arranged the time and place and everything. One friend said that I'll be considered easy if I go through with it seeing as I'm not actually with him. Another friend said that it was only a bit of fun and if I'm fine with it then it's okay, especially as my friends know that this boy has been after me for months.

I'm okay with the idea of having sex with this guy, seeing as he's done it before etc. etc. I'm just worried, that socially, this will cause more problems. I've recently had friend problems. I wont bore you with the details but it hasn't been pretty. :shocking:

Anyway, is he just using me? Any advice at all would really be appreciated. :heart:

x

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Gahh wrote: »
    Right, there isn't alot of place I can go for advice so.. y'know.

    Anyway, this boy of whom is a friend but not a really close one, wants to have sex with me. We're not together though, we have kissed before but have simply forgotten about it/pretended it never happened for certain reasons.

    If I go through with this, it'll be my first time. I've done most things bar actual sex. Now, this guy is bound to tell his friends, because they've all liked me at one point and you know how guys like to boast. :yes:

    At first, I was just like.. 'Er.. okay,' :yeees: The idea didn't really bother me in other words. Then I spoke to some friends about it because this guy's arranged the time and place and everything. One friend said that I'll be considered easy if I go through with it seeing as I'm not actually with him. Another friend said that it was only a bit of fun and if I'm fine with it then it's okay, especially as my friends know that this boy has been after me for months.

    I'm okay with the idea of having sex with this guy, seeing as he's done it before etc. etc. I'm just worried, that socially, this will cause more problems. I've recently had friend problems. I wont bore you with the details but it hasn't been pretty. :shocking:

    Anyway, is he just using me? Any advice at all would really be appreciated. :heart:

    x

    First up, I can't see how he would be 'using' you. He's said he wants to have sex with you, you seem to have agreed, and it doesn't sound like you're wanting a relationship or anything more from him. Win-win situation, assuming you are indeed cool with it. He's been honest with you. No using at all.

    Second, screw the whole 'easy' thing (excuse the pun). If you want to do it, you do. It's not a case of being easy, it's you doing something you want to do. In the long run, who cares what people think about something so trivial. Your friend with this view:
    Another friend said that it was only a bit of fun and if I'm fine with it then it's okay

    has it spot on. You don't have to be romantically involved with somebody to enjoy sex.

    Bottom line is, just make sure you want to do it, and that you're cool with the deal. Be safe, too.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The guy wants no string attached sex, and you have resigned yourself to the inevitability that he will boast to his friends about it? Of course he's using you. That's what it sounds like to me anyway. You'd just be a conquest. There's nothing wrong with just having sex with someone you are attracted to, but in my opinion, doing so so you can boast to your friends about it is completely out of order and totally immature.

    But the only real question is do you actually want to have sex with him, ignoring what anyone else will think? Because if you're attracted to each other and want to do it, then what anyone else thinks should be irrelevant. But it sounds to me like he cares a great deal about what his friends think.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I'm With Stupid wrote: »
    The guy wants no string attached sex, and you have resigned yourself to the inevitability that he will boast to his friends about it? Of course he's using you. That's what it sounds like to me anyway. You'd just be a conquest. There's nothing wrong with just having sex with someone you are attracted to, but in my opinion, doing so so you can boast to your friends about it is completely out of order and totally immature.

    But the only real question is do you actually want to have sex with him, ignoring what anyone else will think? Because if you're attracted to each other and want to do it, then what anyone else thinks should be irrelevant. But it sounds to me like he cares a great deal about what his friends think.

    I don't see that as using at all. He's been chasing her for months, and guys will always boast a bit. I don't think that is his sole intention. His intention is to have sex with her - and he's been up front about it.

    That isn't using if she is fine with that.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    g_angel wrote: »
    I don't see that as using at all. He's been chasing her for months, and guys will always boast a bit. I don't think that is his sole intention. His intention is to have sex with her - and he's been up front about it.

    That isn't using if she is fine with that.

    I'm just offering a possibility. After all, she would've have posted if she felt it was a simple as you've suggested.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Erm.. Well, this guy is kinda known to always be up for it and to be honest, if he wasn't using me just for sex we'd be together by now.. Especially as he's been gagging for it for ages. Which is something that has just been brough to my attention by another friend.

    God, I'm so confused. And yes, he is the type that really cares what his friends say and yes, I did like him as more than a friend at one point but that didn't last long. And now.. Well.. Yeahh..

    Will this just cause more problems?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Erm, as we've said, if you both just want no strings attached sex, then don't worry about what anyone else thinks. But if you actually have feelings for him and want to be his girlfriend, then don't expect having sex with him to change his opinions about a relationship with you. If anything, it would just suggest to him that he can have sex with you whenever he wants without ever having to commit to anything more. If you're happy with that, then fine. But it sounds to me like he wants sex, and you want more than just sex. Would that be correct?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I got over him ages ago. I just wanna make that clear. And then he suggested this and as it's my first time.. Well, I'm not under any delusions that it will be ''perfect'' or that he's ''the one'' but hell, the last thing I need is to be branded a slag. And I know this guy so if his friends start saying stuff like that..He will too.

    I guess I don't want commitment. It's not a nessecity but, with all things, if it's on the table I'll take it. Not really bothered though.

    If that makes any sense at all.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If genuinely all you're worried about is what other people will think of you, then fuck what his mates think (they'd just be jealous that they weren't getting any anyway) and do what you want to. How someone who's had sex once could be considered a slag is beyond me.

    Just be careful you're not settling for something when you really want something else. That's a sure-fire way to make it even more painful when you don't get it.

    :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aye, just do what you want to do and what you'd be happier doing.

    To be honest, I just find it weird that people have conversations about whether or not they're going to have sex. That just makes the whole thing seem so unnatural, or forced.

    But yup, it's up to you and whatever you think you'd be happy doing.
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