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Advice Needed
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I am hoping someone on here could maybe help me as i cannot talk to anyone else about it. I have known someone for 2 and a half years and have been very good friends that has developed into a sexual relationship for the last 7 months. Unfortunately she was engaged to someone and they had been living together for 7 years. I tried to stop it as I felt guilty for her partner but I couldn't, and as things developed i found out he had abused her both physically and mentally. Anyway things came to a head when he found out in September this year and she left him and she moved back in with her parents. The thing is he constantly bombards her with texts and calls saying he wants her back and will change. I find this very hard but I know from past relationships that it is not easy to let someone go. One other problem is that she won't tell her friends (they share the same circle of friends) or family about the abuse as she is scared what they will do particularly her dad and brother, or think about her and as a result people keep saying maybe you should give it another go.
Then two weeks ago he booked a holiday to amsterdam, and she said no but he keeps telling her how he ruined her life and she believes it. As a result she told me this weekend she has said she will go just to end it on a good note, he doesn't know this even though she has spelled it out.
I do love her and she always tells me that she loves me but i can't carry on like this. I told her that if she went I would walk away. I want to make it work and know things worth having have to be worked at but can't let her go and maybe feel that he will make her feel so guilty she will think about giving it another go. My real problem if I walk away is that I will have lost my best friend and the person I love, but I don't think I can be part of her life anymore knowing what I know now, If they were to give it a go and he hurt her again I would never forgive myself. I'm not sure what to do but if I do end it would I be wrong in telling her parents and her close friends what he is really like so he can't hurt her anymore?
Then two weeks ago he booked a holiday to amsterdam, and she said no but he keeps telling her how he ruined her life and she believes it. As a result she told me this weekend she has said she will go just to end it on a good note, he doesn't know this even though she has spelled it out.
I do love her and she always tells me that she loves me but i can't carry on like this. I told her that if she went I would walk away. I want to make it work and know things worth having have to be worked at but can't let her go and maybe feel that he will make her feel so guilty she will think about giving it another go. My real problem if I walk away is that I will have lost my best friend and the person I love, but I don't think I can be part of her life anymore knowing what I know now, If they were to give it a go and he hurt her again I would never forgive myself. I'm not sure what to do but if I do end it would I be wrong in telling her parents and her close friends what he is really like so he can't hurt her anymore?
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Comments
I have said the same that by making her feel guilty is another form of abuse. I understand that they were together a long time but sometimes I think it is better to cut ties for a while rather than go down the friendship route straightaway.