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Is love enough?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey guys
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 18 months now. I broke up with him and we were apart for about 3 weeks in February, before I missed him too much and went back to him.
Recently I've been feeling the same as I did just before we split up the first time. I'm crying a lot, finding things about him really irritating and wondering if maybe I deserve more.
He's a good guy - he's taught me a lot about relationships and I know he loves me to pieces. It's just that beyond that I don't feel like I get a huge amount out of the relationship. I know that if I have a problem I can always go to him and he'll be supportive, but when I do he tends to just repeat back to me everything I've just said and doesn't really help me address the problem. He often seems preoccupied with himself and his own issues and if I'm telling him about my day will just nod or interrupt me with his own story or thought about himself or his day.
I also feel like the romantic side of the relationship is disproportionately held up by me - I'm always the one who tries to inject a bit of romance into what we do: leaving him little notes around his room, waking him up with champagne, a few weeks ago I bought him a bike because I knew he needed one and couldn't afford it. I don't think he's ever bought me anything beyond breakfast a few times.
Then this evening I was at his house and he asked me if my dress was new - his housemate burst out laughing and told him I'd had it for about a year and had worn it on our anniversary.
These were the things that made me give up in February - I felt taken for granted and he made me all kinds of promises at the time that just don't seem to have come to fruition.
Am I being a fussy girlfriend and expecting too much that he puts a bit more effort in? Is he just being a man or are these signs that it might be time to move on?
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 18 months now. I broke up with him and we were apart for about 3 weeks in February, before I missed him too much and went back to him.
Recently I've been feeling the same as I did just before we split up the first time. I'm crying a lot, finding things about him really irritating and wondering if maybe I deserve more.
He's a good guy - he's taught me a lot about relationships and I know he loves me to pieces. It's just that beyond that I don't feel like I get a huge amount out of the relationship. I know that if I have a problem I can always go to him and he'll be supportive, but when I do he tends to just repeat back to me everything I've just said and doesn't really help me address the problem. He often seems preoccupied with himself and his own issues and if I'm telling him about my day will just nod or interrupt me with his own story or thought about himself or his day.
I also feel like the romantic side of the relationship is disproportionately held up by me - I'm always the one who tries to inject a bit of romance into what we do: leaving him little notes around his room, waking him up with champagne, a few weeks ago I bought him a bike because I knew he needed one and couldn't afford it. I don't think he's ever bought me anything beyond breakfast a few times.
Then this evening I was at his house and he asked me if my dress was new - his housemate burst out laughing and told him I'd had it for about a year and had worn it on our anniversary.
These were the things that made me give up in February - I felt taken for granted and he made me all kinds of promises at the time that just don't seem to have come to fruition.
Am I being a fussy girlfriend and expecting too much that he puts a bit more effort in? Is he just being a man or are these signs that it might be time to move on?
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Comments
He's not a complete jerk - this is only a description of the things that are bothering me recently and I have just got back from his place so I'm bound to describe things a little wonky. I think. I just don't know how I feel - I don't know how much of this is stress and boredom and how much is reality... or, in fact, how much is me just being loyal to him because of how much he loves me and how long we've been together. Gah. What is life all about when you don't even know how you feel?! (hahaha - drama queen much?)
Perhaps the relationship has run it's course and indeed love isn't enough?
Have you talked to him about how you're feeling? Perhaps he's just 'stuck in a rut' and he doesn't think he needs to make an effort any more.
It happened to me with my ex and although it was hard letting go it was for the best!
Relationships don't always end in drama and heartbreak. Sometimes they just fizzle out so slowly that by the time you try and save them, they're already dead.
Don't feel bad for wanting more. Everyone deserves someone to be crazy about them.
:yes: Every thing fizzeled out with my ex and by that point I'd given up caring about the relationship.
If you dont feel loved then maybe you are better off without him.
:yes: If you're spending more time worrying about the relationship than enjoying it then I do think it's really important to think about moving on.
thirdededed.
butterflykisses, i think you're totally in the right. you deserve to be made to feel special every day. if he can't do that, then maybe he's not the right one.
Nothing like wanting too much there!
To be fair, you can't expect miracles, but at least some recognition would be nice.