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moral confusion
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, we're in love and are each others best friends, but for a while now he has been suggesting sex but ive held out.
I didnt think i was ready so we didnt do it. But we still havnt had sex and he says he cant take it much longer. He sais he feels its the next step and we arent going any-where. He can't understad why if i say i love him and he is my world i am still holding out.
He is trying not to pressure me. I have made him wait a very long time and its understandable he feels like this. I know his intentions are gold, but im just scared i think.
Its breaking us up. Im ready now, but I have to decide wether to hold out longer because i dont want to give in to the pressure, or to just bite the bullet and do it. It would fix everything and show him i really mean what i say.
Im not a girl to let a guy walk all over me, but its different this time, im really hurting him. He's always shown me he adores me and i can trust him 100%. But now when we do it, it wont be the same...
I need some reassurace i guess. Resist longer or just do it?
I didnt think i was ready so we didnt do it. But we still havnt had sex and he says he cant take it much longer. He sais he feels its the next step and we arent going any-where. He can't understad why if i say i love him and he is my world i am still holding out.
He is trying not to pressure me. I have made him wait a very long time and its understandable he feels like this. I know his intentions are gold, but im just scared i think.
Its breaking us up. Im ready now, but I have to decide wether to hold out longer because i dont want to give in to the pressure, or to just bite the bullet and do it. It would fix everything and show him i really mean what i say.
Im not a girl to let a guy walk all over me, but its different this time, im really hurting him. He's always shown me he adores me and i can trust him 100%. But now when we do it, it wont be the same...
I need some reassurace i guess. Resist longer or just do it?
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Comments
why dont you tell your boyfriend how you feel. say you feel ready now but you're a bit scared. you could just ease into it gently. why do you think things will change after you've slept together? if you now feel ready to have sex its not giving into the pressure is it. i dont think hes 'walking all over you' just because you've changed your mind.
at the end of the day though its totally your decision and if you still don't feel right then he has to respect that.
If you do go for it make sure it it on your terms not his. Don't do it when you're drunk or when he's been putting the pressure on because that will reward his behaviour. He's been very patient but so what? Your body, your rules.
If your boyfriend gives up on you and says your relationship is over then accept it. Hurt it may cause you but far better to be single and unattached and happy to be the way you want to be rather that have a boyfriend who wants his own selfish way.
Poppi
If so far it's been kissing and cuddling on the sofa, then sex is a big leap. If you've been doing pretty much everything bar full sex then it's slightly different. If you're shy/nervous but happy then little steps could be the best way forward.
I was going to go down these lines with my advice. If you haven't gone all that far with each other already and want to hold off full sex a little longer, try blow-jobs. I guarantee that'll buy you some time!
I do love him, but your right about the power struggle thing, Im going to talk to him about it, he should understand, but your right also that i do love him and i do feel safe with him, so i can't really regret it that much the next morning? Plus i guess the first time is always the hardest and its not a big a mile stone as its cracked up to be right?
Its just been a big surprise to me that he would put me in this position, that's what the issue is i guess, i feel kinda betrayed... that sound stupid i know and it seems it to me too. I think this has all turned out to be a much bigger issue than its worth. Its just worrying me too much, im just going to get it over with.
Thanks so much for your help guys, i apprieciate it x