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Moving in together & smoking
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Not sure if this should go here or in Home, Law & Money?
Anyway, here's the thing. I'm moving into a new flat with my boyfriend in a couple of weeks. We've never lived together before but are both looking forward to it. However, there's a small problem...in that he smokes, and I don't. It's not usually an issue, but I know he wants to be able to smoke in the house (at least in the living room if nowhere else) whereas I've always lived in a non-smoking house and don't like the idea of smoking in our flat. I feel like I'm being unreasonable now though - why should it be down to what I want over what he wants? I don't know how to resolve it. Whenever we talk about it he ends up saying in a defeated kind of way "fine, I'll smoke outside then" but I know he really wants to be able to smoke in the house and it makes me feel bad. I just don't like the idea of our house smelling of cigarettes and don't particularly like sitting in a living room when someone's smoking...but I feel bad for laying down the law and forcing him outside when it's his home just as much as mine...what can we do? I did think of asking the landlord about it as I know most rented houses have a non-smoking rule written into the contract, but the landlord owns another flat which our friends rent out and they both smoke in it freely so I doubt he'd care I don't know what to do.
Anyway, here's the thing. I'm moving into a new flat with my boyfriend in a couple of weeks. We've never lived together before but are both looking forward to it. However, there's a small problem...in that he smokes, and I don't. It's not usually an issue, but I know he wants to be able to smoke in the house (at least in the living room if nowhere else) whereas I've always lived in a non-smoking house and don't like the idea of smoking in our flat. I feel like I'm being unreasonable now though - why should it be down to what I want over what he wants? I don't know how to resolve it. Whenever we talk about it he ends up saying in a defeated kind of way "fine, I'll smoke outside then" but I know he really wants to be able to smoke in the house and it makes me feel bad. I just don't like the idea of our house smelling of cigarettes and don't particularly like sitting in a living room when someone's smoking...but I feel bad for laying down the law and forcing him outside when it's his home just as much as mine...what can we do? I did think of asking the landlord about it as I know most rented houses have a non-smoking rule written into the contract, but the landlord owns another flat which our friends rent out and they both smoke in it freely so I doubt he'd care I don't know what to do.
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My ex used to smoke in the house even in front of the baby, which i hated but couldnt do anything about.
I think its perfectly reasonable to ask someone to smoke outside, or at least at the window, otherwise youre gonna smell like a smoker when you dont even smoke.
:yes: Smoking in a house can make it smell really bad (I don't understand why people smoke in their bedrooms). Outside or at a window or door is perfectly accepetable.
Smoking outside though is really, really crap. It's cold and when it rains it's not nice. I can understand that your boyfriend considers home somewhere where you can relax and smoke.
So, like the others, maybe suggest an area that is by a window where he can smoke. Make it all comfortable, with a couch or something and invest in lots and lots of those after tobacco air freshners perhaps. See how this goes and maybe readdress it at a later date?
It's usually not that big of a deal going outdoors or as has been mentioned do it at window.
Thanks for the help though guys
You need to find a compromise. My ex used to chain smoke in his house and I used to come home stinking.
They all smoke outside. They do this because otherwise the house smells terrible and i really mean terrible - it even somehow manages to smell of really manky fatty smell, even though it's all healthy eating (smoking is the only vice). I couldn't do with the smell and it gives me really bad headaches in confined space.
I personally think it's a disgusting habit and i don't infect other people's air with pollutants, so why should i breath their pollutants in? Hence why they go outside :yes:
As a compromise, i give them an umbrella for when it rains! Don't want to get wet? Don't smoke :thumb:
On a serious note, my friend's mum and dad bought a house - which had inhabited two chain smokers - i think they smoked 40 a day or something stupid like that. When his rents were renovating, the smoke had discoloured 4 layers of wallpaper (all a manky yellow) :crazyeyes and had even settled into the wall. In the end, they couldn't stand the smell and knocked as many walls as possible down to rebuild, to get rid of the smell!
When i get my own house (i already have a car), smoking will not be allowed (i don't allow it in my car). I personally would not want to buy a car if it has been driven by a smoker - been there, done that and have had the 'smelly' hands for over a year from touching the steering wheel!
Smoking ewwwww:shocking:
Anyway, smoking is an activity that affects others in a negative manner, so if there's no other options I strictly mean that the smoker has to stand down or go outside.
Personally I think that there's nothing wrong in asking him to smoke outside, or by a window that opens really wide. It's not a huge sacrifice and it might help him quit.
yep. if he wants to be with you enough then he'll do it.
Its definitely all about compromise. He can't expect to smoke inside all the time, a lot of smokers don't even like their house smelling of smoke
That reminds me of my ex MIL who gave my mum her old computer for her work. They were grateful but in the end had to get rid of it because everytime they turned it on, you could smell smoke so strongly even after a year!! I dont even think she chainsmoked.
People who smoke dont realise how much it gets into things because their sense of smell is fucked so much.
Definately agree with budda though that a cigarette smoker's house smells a lot less pleasant than a weed smoker's house.
I smoke but I almost always go outside to smoke or smoke by a window at least.
Really? :chin:
So you're saying you'd prefer to smoke outside than in when it's freezing cold and pissing it down with rain? As for nature, unless you live in the countryside you're not really going to get much of that are you?
Yes I would. I prefer it to be cold anyway as I'm naturally too warm. I personally think I have some sort of thyroid disorder, but hey. If it's any warmer than about 18-20° statically, I'm a bit out of sorts.
Nature is your outdoor ambiance. It's refreshing to get away from the controlled environment of humanity once and a while and enjoy the chaos of the stars.