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Asking for hand in marriage

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Would you prefer if your other half asked your parents for your hand in marriage before they ask you or do you think it's abit old fashioned???

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think they should ask me, as that's most appropriate.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    No. I wouldn't see it at all necessary for my other half to ask my parents.
    They ask me, down on one knee and I say yes or no afterall I'm marrying them not my parents :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it would be sweet and cute, mainly because I am the biggest daddys girl. Hard to explain but in theory it would be nice. But in reality we would all laugh at him and then I know my dad would say no and hopefully the guy would have an ounce of a sense of humor and not get all offended :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no id be creeped out. Its patriarchal and im not my fathers to give away
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Whilst I hope that my parents end up getting on with whoever I will settle with one day in the future then it really has nothing to do with them. I mean I am the one who is going to hopefully spend the rest of my days with him, not them. I would not be offended, but find it completely unnecessary.

    Also I think it's from the days where people married according to alliances and status in society, hence ensuring that the match was suitable.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    SuzyCreamcheese wrote: »
    no id be creeped out. Its patriarchal and im not my fathers to give away

    Agreed, and I think my dad would be freaked out as well!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I asked her first and got the go ahead, then I phoned her father to basically explain the situation, tell him I'm really serious etc. It seemed the decent thing to do.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think it's a bit wierd asking the rents first. I mean, it's always nice to get their approval but at the end of the day, it isn't really any of their business.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Maybe when I was younger I would have found it romantic, but now I would just find it... weird. And patriarcal as SCC said. And if my (hypothetical) boyfriend would want to marry me, I'd be annoyed to not be the first to know about it!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    As a guy this is a really confusing thing. Are you supposed to or not?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't want him to, i'm the one who would be marrying him after all. Plus I'd find it a bit weird that my parents would know before me.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Ballerina wrote: »
    I wouldn't want him to, i'm the one who would be marrying him after all. Plus I'd find it a bit weird that my parents would know before me.
    :yes:

    Half the fun of getting engaged is telling everybody. It kinda spoils it if some people already know. My mum guessed before I could tell her :grump:. Although she did say pregnant first :|.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ShyBoy wrote: »
    As a guy this is a really confusing thing. Are you supposed to or not?

    I think if you were going to propose to someone, you'd know them well enough to have a good idea of whether they'd go for the asking dad thing.

    My husband mentioned it once before he asked me and I laughed, so he knew what i thought then :p
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Life of Kate wrote: »
    I think if you were going to propose to someone, you'd know them well enough to have a good idea of whether they'd go for the asking dad thing.

    My husband mentioned it once before he asked me and I laughed, so he knew what i thought then :p
    I think Rich did that too. He was like, "should I ask your dad?" and I was like, "are you going to be marrying my dad? No? Then no."

    Good job really because for some unknown reason my dad seems to think it won't last.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Franki wrote: »
    I think Rich did that too. He was like, "should I ask your dad?" and I was like, "are you going to be marrying my dad? No? Then no."

    Good job really because for some unknown reason my dad seems to think it won't last.

    Ooo, my dad doesn't either!! Just makes me even more determined to prove him wrong since he's normally right about everything else ;)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Life of Kate wrote: »
    Ooo, my dad doesn't either!! Just makes me even more determined to prove him wrong since he's normally right about everything else ;)
    Haha, yeh me too. He's never actually said it directly but whenever I see him he always asks me how the engagement's going. Never "How's Rich?" or anything like that. It's weird because I know he likes him so I'm a bit confused as to why he's being like that.

    My mum approves though, and she is the foremost authority on dodgy boyfriends.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    ***kellie*** wrote: »
    Would you prefer if your other half asked your parents for your hand in marriage before they ask you or do you think it's abit old fashioned???

    even though i'm 16, i wouldn't care if they asked my parents or not because what really matters is how u feel for each other, if u wanna spend the rest of ur lives togther then I would ask my other half

    I personally thing thats its quite old fashioned to ask the parents
    but its really up to whoes asking
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    budda wrote: »
    I asked her first and got the go ahead, then I phoned her father to basically explain the situation, tell him I'm really serious etc. It seemed the decent thing to do.

    This is pretty much what we did. It worked for us :)

    I think it depends on you, your partner and the relationship with the family. I'm really close to my family, and my other half knew that it was really important to me that they all got on, so I think it was a nice touch. But then it might not work for someone in a different situation.

    Like someone else has said, if you know them well enough to marry them, you should know how they stand on the matter.
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