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feeling very fragile...

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
i went out last night to my usual haunt, and this guy started talking to me and taking great interest. at first i kinda ignored it, i just thought he was being really friendly and such and carried on with my night. but one of my mates was being quite pushy and was telling me to give him a go, i said no as he was 12 years older than me and i really didn't fancy him in the slightest. i wasn't feeling 100% and at the end of the night i had 2 fits. my friends sorted me made sure i was ok, and this guy was telling me how he was epileptic too, showed me his medical card blah blah blah, and seeing as he was mates with my mates when he offered me a lift, considering i was feeling rough after the fits i i took the offer. I got dropped off at mine, said bye and that was that.

I've woken up this morning and realised that i've a) developed a real paranoia about guys i don't know aproaching me, and b) i'm actually really scared about letting anyone other than friends get close because i'm freaked out that people are going to hurt me emotionally. i knew it was going to take me a while to get over my ex, but this all feels a bit extreme. I don't want end up with a phobia of men again (i had a real problem with even being sat in the same room with a man when i was 10-11 due to stuff that happened when i was younger). i do feel like i want to just roll up into a ball and hide.

it does feel very weird, because i really want someone to love me, but i don't want to aproach guys, in fact i don't want be around guys i don't know. I'm perfectly fine with people i know, even if i don't know them very well, but this all seems very hysterical and irrational. it feels like its suddenly hit me, i've been fine for the past 3 weeks i've been single and suddenly its come out of the blue. i know its going to take me some time to sort myself out after a shit relationship, but how long? i want to get back to normality and start having fun again and not go go activly out looking for guys, but to be available again.



  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My advice - don't go out there looking for comfort from other guys, it just gets messy. Stay on your own for a while - no relationships whatsoever. Have a break from guys until you're feeling better or else you're just putting yourself in an even more vulnerable position. Go out and have fun with friends. You need time to get over things, just chill out and have some time on your own rather than jumping straight into the arms of another man.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I know how you are feeling, I've been there, and you know what? It's totally normal to feel that way. It's your body's way of healing after abuse; keeping your emotions under control while they get back to normal. You are not going to go mad or develop a phobia, and this feeling will pass soon. There's nothing wrong with you.

    The last thing you should to is try and force yourself to date blokes. That's what I did once and it wasn't one of my finest moments. I agree with Ballerina.

    Just enjoy the fact that you are going to be single for a little while and just have a giggle with your female friends or by yourself.

    If you find yourself continuing to be anxious about things like this then it might be a good idea to talk to a counsellor about it.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My Mum says the same thing about men, she just divorced after a 12 year marriage.

    My advice is any guy who's into you and doesn't want to screw you around is going to take the time to get to know you, not be pushy and he'll treat you well. It's right to be cautious about men to a degree I feel as there are so many using men out there. Maybe try making a few more male friends without them having an alterior motive, because I find the more you cut yourself off/don't do something, the worse it gets.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Take it Easy

    It sounds as though you need more time to recover from past hurts before embarking on a new relationship, it takes a long time to get over a relationship break up, you may feel fine initialy but when the shock wears off you can get rather shaky. It is like a bereavement. Trust that you will find the right person when the time is good for you.
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