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self-esteem
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
will my boyfriend still like me if i raise my self-esteem?
i'm scared that after 3 years, if i become more confident we wont 'fit' anymore, i'm the quiet one and he's the opinionated one!
another all-nighter for this issue i think, i've got 3 for £1 sweets from sainsbury's and a can of relentless, nothing like it to help me sort through problems!
tired, though :P
i'm scared that after 3 years, if i become more confident we wont 'fit' anymore, i'm the quiet one and he's the opinionated one!
another all-nighter for this issue i think, i've got 3 for £1 sweets from sainsbury's and a can of relentless, nothing like it to help me sort through problems!
tired, though :P
0
Comments
You really shouldn't be "scared" that he won't like you. He hasn't grown to love the quietness in you. He's grown to love you, as a person, your character. That your quiet is only a trait.
If you feel ready in yourself to go for it, and come out of your shell, so to speak a but then go right ahead.
If he's not some total rare species, he will even like it better. I'd like to have a girl who steps up with confidence.
Nothing going more on my tits than making a compliment and she thinks I'm just lying to make her feel better, or whatever you honestly tell her, she thinks you are just making things up to make her feel better.
If you can 'raise' your self-esteem by just pushing a button, you should have done so much earlier imho.
do it
Yeah I agree.
to the original poster - It depends on what you intend on changing whether he will change. I know if a girlfreind started to feel better about herself and was happy with who she was and where she was it'd be great. However if you're talking about changing the person you are that might be different. I always go for the quieter girls (not introverted or non-talkative, just not loud) and if one of them had changed to become the loud, life and soul of the party type I think I'd probably be put off. Not that there's anything wrong with that, just not for me.
At the end of the day though, whatever change you want to make you should do it. chances are things will be fine and work out for the better, and if you change into a person he doesn't like then so be it. You'll be happier with yourself if you go for it though.
Personally for me, it is about a massive shift in attitude. I think by making this thread it shows you are either nearly there, or there attitude wise - your worries about your boyfriend put aside.
In secondary school, I was (believe it or not to people who know me now) a very shy and timid person who preferred and deliberatly chose to shade into the background.
Sometime in my last year, I started to care less what people thought about me, that was, for me, step one - in my head attitude wise - that was gradual.
Then I started to voice this to people closest to me - my change in attitude was being shown in words and actions to family, close friends etc. I spoke up more, said what I thought.
And now, I pretty much say what I think to most people - sometimes more than I should I guess. On the other hand, I'm still quite shy in big social situations e.g. meetings, new/different group of people or friends of friends. However, I can put my point across and talk which is more than I would have been able to before. I wouldn't say I want and chose to fade into the background in these situations, my low self esteem and confidence make this happen although I can feel myself taking baby steps in that.
IMO (although it is very personal to the individual I guess)
1) shift of attitude in head (I am worthy, I am good, I can do this etc)
2) showing this change of attitude to people you are most comfortable with
3) showing this change of attitude to people you are less comfortable with
4) being able to talk in front of 200 people and not have a shaky voice, or think omg I can't do this - which not many people do have the self esteem and confidence to do this - I sure can't. Class/group of 30 kids and I'm thinking ekk!
HOWEVER remember that each of them 4 steps are massive steps over years. You can notice and be happy with the natural, baby steps of progression up to these.
Also - I think self esteem and confidence are closely entwined. I see it as self esteem is how you feel about yourself and confidence is how you display these self esteem you have.
..unless this new-found confidence gets her (the original poster) more attention from other guys, and he is the jealous type. he may not know he is the jealous type until such an event occured...
but by all means go for it! people have to grow at their own pace and for their own reasons. dont think about others
I don't think getting more attention is the real problem. The real problem (for jealous people for example) is how the attention gaining person is handling it. If she starts to flirt around with every opportunity then yea, -> problem.
But for my part I rather have my girlfriend be used to attention, before she lives in her calm shell and somebody one day woos her off her feet.
might be just me.
What she said...
Especially this part.
She? The cats mothers? :razz:
Have you tried that orange relentless yet? i was wondering what it is like
thanks for all the input, everyone. i'm taking baby steps!
This seems to be such a common problem with females. I should try to figure out why your self esteem is low, did you not get much praise from your parents as a child? Watch that you are living your life for yourself and not approval seeking, your boyfriend should love you for the person you are, if he doesn't like the new you, ask yourself why not? I won't be you that has the problem.