If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
Ten Commandments For Net Newbies
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in General Chat
...look, no offence, but you've only just got on the Net and - without wanting to be rude - frankly, you're a pain in the arse. :P
Until you get world-weary and cynical like the rest of us Net veterans (I give you two weeks) here are a few rules you should abide by.
Normally they're unwritten but with so many people like pouring onto the Net I thought it was about time I wrote them down. In stone. With God standing over them. Frowning.
Thou shalt NOT:
1. Send huge 45MB attachments of that goddamn dancing baby from thy superfast office connection to thy modem-owning friends
Nor the bloody "whassup" ad. Nor Pamela Anderson having sex on a boat. Nor Anthea Turner being set on fire. No!
2. Spend four days and nights on Napster downloading old Howard Jones songs
when thoust could buy a Greatest Hits CD for £1.99 from the Jet garage.
3. Forward horrible pictures of fat naked Americans shoving Black Forest Gateaux up their ass
or any more of that 'Jap scat' to thy entire address book
4. Use thy free 10MB of webspace to display pictures of...thy sofa / dog / infant / new jumper / ugly girlfriend / house / car
on a garishly coloured webpage with an ugly 'brickwork' background and massive animated gifs of flaming torches.
No one cares.
5. Not use a large "Under Construction" graphic to cover up the fact that thou hast clearly got bored of your ugly, empty homepage and will never touch it again.
6. Engage in pornographic exploration if thy significant other hath access to your computer
unless you have learnt the truth value of the 'Clear History' option on thy browser
7. Believe what every email says
and actually think that Microsoft are going to pay 'everyone who forwards this email' thousands of dollars for 'beta-testing their software'
8. Take up every offer of a "free ISP"
it is an illusion, a tool of the great deceiver.
9. Stay up all night "surfing"
oStay up all night "surfing" though the connection may be swift at five in the morning, thy eye-bags will be weighty and strangely bluish at cockcrow.
10. Go on to a chat site shouting "3y3 1z Ha><><0r, 3y3 q0wn j00! PH3ar ?|?|3, j00 tAr>z!"
just don't
Extra Commandments For Net Newbies:
Thou shalt NOT:
11. check your e-mail every five minutes "just in case"
'Jed' thy new cyberfriend, thy mate Dave who is backpacking around the world, the listserver thou just signed up to, or anyone - please JUST ANYONE - hath emailed you.
12. steal
spinning skulls, little men who walk across your browser, neat Javascript quizzes, streamlined rollover code, copyright images, or indeed the whole design of nice looking websites.
SUBMIT YOUR COMMANDMENT
have I missed any?
Laterz Fran (aka devilgirl667) <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/smash.gif">
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are complete idiots.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Until you get world-weary and cynical like the rest of us Net veterans (I give you two weeks) here are a few rules you should abide by.
Normally they're unwritten but with so many people like pouring onto the Net I thought it was about time I wrote them down. In stone. With God standing over them. Frowning.
Thou shalt NOT:
1. Send huge 45MB attachments of that goddamn dancing baby from thy superfast office connection to thy modem-owning friends
Nor the bloody "whassup" ad. Nor Pamela Anderson having sex on a boat. Nor Anthea Turner being set on fire. No!
2. Spend four days and nights on Napster downloading old Howard Jones songs
when thoust could buy a Greatest Hits CD for £1.99 from the Jet garage.
3. Forward horrible pictures of fat naked Americans shoving Black Forest Gateaux up their ass
or any more of that 'Jap scat' to thy entire address book
4. Use thy free 10MB of webspace to display pictures of...thy sofa / dog / infant / new jumper / ugly girlfriend / house / car
on a garishly coloured webpage with an ugly 'brickwork' background and massive animated gifs of flaming torches.
No one cares.
5. Not use a large "Under Construction" graphic to cover up the fact that thou hast clearly got bored of your ugly, empty homepage and will never touch it again.
6. Engage in pornographic exploration if thy significant other hath access to your computer
unless you have learnt the truth value of the 'Clear History' option on thy browser
7. Believe what every email says
and actually think that Microsoft are going to pay 'everyone who forwards this email' thousands of dollars for 'beta-testing their software'
8. Take up every offer of a "free ISP"
it is an illusion, a tool of the great deceiver.
9. Stay up all night "surfing"
oStay up all night "surfing" though the connection may be swift at five in the morning, thy eye-bags will be weighty and strangely bluish at cockcrow.
10. Go on to a chat site shouting "3y3 1z Ha><><0r, 3y3 q0wn j00! PH3ar ?|?|3, j00 tAr>z!"
just don't
Extra Commandments For Net Newbies:
Thou shalt NOT:
11. check your e-mail every five minutes "just in case"
'Jed' thy new cyberfriend, thy mate Dave who is backpacking around the world, the listserver thou just signed up to, or anyone - please JUST ANYONE - hath emailed you.
12. steal
spinning skulls, little men who walk across your browser, neat Javascript quizzes, streamlined rollover code, copyright images, or indeed the whole design of nice looking websites.
SUBMIT YOUR COMMANDMENT
have I missed any?
Laterz Fran (aka devilgirl667) <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/smash.gif">
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win and never quit are complete idiots.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
0
Comments
Erm, devilgirl667. I admit I found this post very amusing, but I also thought it sounded familiar.
So I had a quick search around the web and found this.
Erm, not to try to "expose" you or anything, but I don't think it's very moral to try to pass someone else's work off as your own.
(Unless, of course, you wrote the material in the link, in which case I apologise profusely!)
- if i have work to do ill be up all night "surfing" cuz i get paid by the hour <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
- i get about 2000 emails a day; i check mine every minute "just in case"
- porn throgh email is great, keep it coming <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
- 45Mb attachments are pretty impossible to send to modem users and would end up being deleted off of the server due to the fact most ISP's (especially UK) have 2 hour cut off times...so 45Mb aint gonna happen in that time <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
- there are free ISP's...they're just crap
- people wanting to use me design of websites can "steal" it...if they know how <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif">
My classmates will copulate with anything that moves, but I've never seen any reason to limit myself <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/ukliam2.gif">
dont quote the whole poxy post just to add a little note at the end <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif">
one more -
dont post a post then suddenly remember something else to say and put another one straight after it unless you play a FE(tm) joker...
so FE(tm) <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
My classmates will copulate with anything that moves, but I've never seen any reason to limit myself <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/ukliam2.gif">
What do you do? Send them to yourself!!??
Sorry... <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> Lxxx
<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.contrabandent.com/pez/otn/angels/littleangel.gif">
* Notices Devilgirl's gone VERY quiet *
Good work Detective Psychedlic <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">
Visit Alzaweb: www.alza.co.uk
<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/guitarist.gif">
[This message has been edited by Powerslave (edited 08-07-2001).]
I'll be sitting on top when it all goes wrong again
my clients contact me through email, yours ... well <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif">
nah i work and i belong to an i-list as well...and um...i have friends on the net in many places...
all my MSN accounts get is junk mail, so they dont count, but my main account gets about 2000
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/ukliam2.gif">
<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/hanged.gif">
sorry everyone, i just believed it to be a really interesting and important topic, but it seems all you lot are too intelligent for me and can see thru me *pun* <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/laugh.gif"> . anyway it started an interesting view of the net don't you think? or maybe not. oh...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
tell your pants it's rude to point <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/winky.gif">
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes. to whatever the hell u just said <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
I'll be sitting on top when it all goes wrong again
Psychedelic takes a bow.
I thank you. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
dont be hard on yourself, not everyone is more intelligent than you
i mean everyone here, of course, but not everyone <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/ukliam2.gif">
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/ukliam2.gif">
and the quoting to post one tiny bit pisses me off too.
but it was quite funny.
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
~ Nietzsche
ah see, just when i am it gets taken the wrong way...so sod it and ill b nasty all the time <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
(altho there are exceptions <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif">)
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/ukliam2.gif">
thou shalt not use a res of 800 x 600 and expect web pages to look right.
MOST do. we dont all have 19 inch monitors y'know... and my eyes certainly do NOT like ridiculously high resolutions.
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
~ Nietzsche
UT in high res...cant b beaten! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/ukliam2.gif">
But your not...!! So im happy now!! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> Lxxx
<IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.contrabandent.com/pez/otn/angels/littleangel.gif">
"you're" <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/wink.gif">
mean again? it's like this is a regular occurence! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/shock.gif">
I think we should take Iraq and Iran and combine them into one country and call it Irate. All the pissed off people live in one place and get it over with <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/ukliam2.gif">
the only circumstance where a high resolution would be unpleasant to the eyes is one where your monitor is too small!
but i'm not asking you to use a "ridiculously high resolution", just something a bit more usable like the pretty standard 1024x768... this would look pretty shite on a 15" monitor though, i agree.
Visit the original bunny!
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
~ Nietzsche
get more on the screen
look cooler
be able to read text from more than 8 inches away...
Playing with fire will ultimately see you burnt <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/ukliam2.gif">
and websites look better. this thread fits on my screen fine with my 1152x864 res
Visit the original bunny!