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Telling sis mum is engaged

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey people,

I have quite a big problem on my hands. Might take a while to give a bit of background but bear with me!!!

My dad died two years ago. Eight months later, my mum met a new fella. My and my sister couldn't handle it and stopped speaking to my mum. It never took me long to come round though, and I've since moved back to the area and so see a lot more of him. My sister however has only just made up with my mum, so its been almost a year of them not speaking.

me, my mum, nor my younger brother have seen my sister for going on nine months, and she is now due to come down and see us after christmas.

This is where the problem is. My mum sprung it on me that her fella has given her an engagement ring. I wasn't shocked as i knew it was coming, but i'm not happy about it either. I can't help but think that she's moving on too quickly from my dad and almost disrespecting his memory, for a fella she argues with all the time. I said i already knew what was going to happen (just a hunch) and didn't say i thought it was a bad idea cos i didn't want to upset her. But then she asked me to tell my sister as she doesn't want to do it herself. But i can see my sister flipping, (as she still isn't overly keen on my mums fella) and cancelling her plans to come for Christmas. Whats more she might think I'm fine with the whole thing and fall out with me. (I don't want to tell her that I'm not happy, as she'll tell my mum I'm not).

So what should i do? Tell her or not? If i do she could flip, if i dont my mum will be upset. It's so unfair. Every Christmas is ruined by full blown arguements, and i thought this one was going to be different. Now it looks like its gunna be just the same.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It looks like your sister is just going to have to face the facts.

    You have to tell her otherwise if she finds out at a later date she will obviously ask when this happened and someone will get the blame for keeping it from her which will cause more arguments.

    Maybe you could give her a ring, tell her how much seeing her around this time means to you and how much you're looking forward to it but you have something to tell her. Then just spit it out. She may flip but hopefully you can encourage her to let it go over her head for now. Ignoring your Mum and not coming around is just going to be immature and isn't going to change anything. After all in the near future it might not work out anyway, you never know.

    Good Luck x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal wrote: »
    It looks like your sister is just going to have to face the facts.

    Maybe you could give her a ring, tell her how much seeing her around this time means to you and how much you're looking forward to it but you have something to tell her. Then just spit it out. She may flip but hopefully you can encourage her to let it go over her head for now. Ignoring your Mum and not coming around is just going to be immature and isn't going to change anything. After all in the near future it might not work out anyway, you never know.

    Good Luck x

    Thanks squeal.
    I was planning on ringing her, it's just getting the bottle to actually do it. She's going to have quite a few shocks when she gets here anyway (family feuds and the such that she doesn't know about). I don't want to make it worse. I don't know whether to wait until the day she arrives, because at least that way she is already here so she wont just decide not to come.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    jelly tots wrote: »
    I don't know whether to wait until the day she arrives, because at least that way she is already here so she wont just decide not to come.

    Yeah that's understandable but how long have they been engaged for now? Just not being told straight away and everyone else knowing but her could cause an added argument. Sounds like you're in a catch 22 situation :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    squeal wrote: »
    Yeah that's understandable but how long have they been engaged for now? Just not being told straight away and everyone else knowing but her could cause an added argument. Sounds like you're in a catch 22 situation :(

    Well, I only got told this morning so I can say i only found out today. I mihgt just tell my mum to tell her herself, at least that way im not in the middle.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Sounds harsh but neither of you can expect your mum to put her life on hold and not move on. Never will be a right time for you both it will be hard but think about your mums happiness.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i honestly think, if the sister has to come to terms with the engagement then mum has to tell your sister by her self!

    this is not your mess hun, it is your mums decision.. and she should be the one to tell everyone else

    hope everything goes well for you xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Tweety wrote: »
    Sounds harsh but neither of you can expect your mum to put her life on hold and not move on. Never will be a right time for you both it will be hard but think about your mums happiness.

    I really don't expect my mum to put her life on hold. However, i do understand how my sister feels because it was just eight months after my dad that my mum got with this fella. He is somebody that both me and my sister knew VERY well before they got together, and is somebody that we both really didn't like very much.

    After being around him a lot, i can see that he has changed to some extent, and is a nice guy inside, however as a couple i know full well that they are both making a big mistake. I think my mum only got with him becauise she was feeling lonley, and i think she now feels guilty to leave him as he has no-body else. I really do think it will just end up in a big mess that both me and my sister have to deal with.

    I have accepted the engagement, but i hope deep down that it wont happen. However my sisters personality is a lot different, and i just worry that she will say what she feels and ruin christmas for everyone. I have a certain level of restraingt, but my sister has none. I really can't afford for this christmas to be ruined for my younger brother.

    Sorry to ramble on :blush:
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lil_krissy wrote: »
    i honestly think, if the sister has to come to terms with the engagement then mum has to tell your sister by her self!

    this is not your mess hun, it is your mums decision.. and she should be the one to tell everyone else

    hope everything goes well for you xx

    Thanks.

    It's just hard to tell my mum to do it herself when she is so used to me doing things like this for her. Perhaps i should give it a go.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your Mum is big enough and old enough to make her own mistakes and if this relationship is a doomed as you think it is then it's more important that you don't cut all links with her because she's gonna need to lve and support of her children. Same goes for your sister.

    Do either of you really think that she has forgotten your Dad, that she doesn't still love him? Cos I'd be seriously suprised if that was the case.

    She has just as much right to happiness as anyone else and this sounds like petulant children symdrome to me.

    Be happy for her, because life is too short to be anything else.

    As for telling your sister, that's for your Mum to do. If she thinks that she is doing the right thing then she should be pleased to break the news and not leave the "difficult" conversation to you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Your Mum is big enough and old enough to make her own mistakes and if this relationship is a doomed as you think it is then it's more important that you don't cut all links with her because she's gonna need to lve and support of her children. Same goes for your sister.

    Do either of you really think that she has forgotten your Dad, that she doesn't still love him? Cos I'd be seriously suprised if that was the case.

    She has just as much right to happiness as anyone else and this sounds like petulant children symdrome to me.

    Be happy for her, because life is too short to be anything else.

    As for telling your sister, that's for your Mum to do. If she thinks that she is doing the right thing then she should be pleased to break the news and not leave the "difficult" conversation to you.

    Thanks for the post. Gunna have a word with me mam today and tell her it's her responsibilty.

    Thanks
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