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My brother assaulted me
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
And not for the first time either. He's 16, I'm 20. It takes the tiniest thing for him to fly off the handle- last night it was becuase I'd asked him to wash up everything he'd used to make his lunch which was going crusty and getting in the way of me making my dinner. We started arguing and it ended in him pushing me up against the kitchen door and hitting me. I was trying to get him off me, but he wasn't reacting at all. I was screaming in his face to try and deter him, and he was just bright red with rage, spitting and swearing at me, I couldnt get him off so I started kicking him in the crotch to get him to let go, but he didn't. Eventually he let go and stormed out of the house by which time I was hysterical and hyperventilating. Luckily my dad came home seconds later so I ran out the house to get my dad to help me. Dad stormed outside to ask my brother what had happened and he was calm as anything, asking dad what the problem was.
He's like Jekyll & Hyde at the moment, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. One second he's bright red and frothing at the mouth, the next he's nice as pie. He didn't seem to realise what he'd done. Dad doesn't know what to do about him, and mum wants to act like nothing happened. She's in total denial and doesn't want to admit theres a problem. Last time this happened he threw me down the stairs, and afterwards mum & dad sat him down and told him it wasn't to happen again, which is what they've done this time- but it didn't work last time so why should it this time? I'm terrified to be in the house with him, frustrated that mum and dad wont take it seriously and really upset. How can I make them see that they have to do something?
He's like Jekyll & Hyde at the moment, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. One second he's bright red and frothing at the mouth, the next he's nice as pie. He didn't seem to realise what he'd done. Dad doesn't know what to do about him, and mum wants to act like nothing happened. She's in total denial and doesn't want to admit theres a problem. Last time this happened he threw me down the stairs, and afterwards mum & dad sat him down and told him it wasn't to happen again, which is what they've done this time- but it didn't work last time so why should it this time? I'm terrified to be in the house with him, frustrated that mum and dad wont take it seriously and really upset. How can I make them see that they have to do something?
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If they still do nothing, then maybe you'll be happier not living with them at all.
I'm just really worried about my relationship with my mum too. This sucks.
First off, you need to think of you're own wellbeing. As people have already mentioned, moving away from the problem may be a short term solution, but on a practical level how realistic is this? There's the financial consideration- but also the fact that going to another area might not fit with the other things you have going on in your life- socially, workwise and studywise. If moving out's crossed your mind, you could check out TheSite.org's Home section or contact Shelter.
In terms of dealing with the issue at hand- your brother's abusive behaviour- two things come to mind. First is working to get your brother to recognise that he's crossing boundaries of decency. He needs to recognise himself that this is unacceptable. Second, is working on what might be causing the behaviour in the first place.
Whatever helps your brother sort himself out, it sounds like you could really benefit from some emotional support for yourself. Not being able to talk this through with your parents or your brother directly, is doubly difficult. Talking things through can help you get some perspective on things, and reassess your options. This could be close friends or family, or it could be someone external to the situation. This doesn't need to be about getting people involved who you don't want interfering in your life, but it can be about you getting the opportunity to talk through what you're going through. There are various helplines that will give you this opportunity like Supportline and like Get Connected.
Finally, it sounds like your parents need support. It sounds like you've already told them what happened to you, but have you had the opportunity to really get it across to them exactly how your brother's behaviour is making you feel? Are there things you could do to help them talk about what they feel?
These are just ideas- let us know how it goes. All the best.
you have to confront the problem one way or another and not avoid it or else it will keep happening. if you ignore it and purposefully behave like your ignoring it you're just encouraging him. i suppose you could go to the police and that is an option but you would have to make an official complaint for them to do any thing and that might be taking it a bit far anyway. if talking to him doesn't work then look for another solution... but its gotta be worth a shot in the first place...
Is he using any recreational drugs?
Anyway, we had a big family talk last night because my mum was dead against me leaving. I think things will be better now (bloody hope they will), and he seemed genuinely very cut up over what he'd done. So thanks for the support, lets hope that it's over now.
Is your brother doing any drugs at the moment or has he got any problems at school/ with his mates/ girlfriend or whatever and he might be taking it out on you ?
We are starting to get on again now, so there's hope for the future and stuff (although we are v old now!).
that's so harsh man.
I am the eldest brother and sure we used to fight but I was never ever that bad!
Me an bro used to kick off all the time! He was a bastard to live with back then. These days we hardly ever speak!
Mine used to sneeze in my face! Mmmm.... face full of snot.
LOL - I share a flat with one of mine now!
I wasn't super easy to live with and we definitely did not get on in the slightest, hate was close, but we grew out of that shit. Thank something or other.