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POETRY???
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Work & Study
Um...ohmygod this is going to be hard for me (pretty much on a scale of me throwing my most sensitive body part to the wolves - not that i think you're all wolves....really...) <IMG alt="image" SRC="wink.gif" border="0">
I wrote a poem t'other day and want to know if it's any good. I'm an aspiring novelist more than a poet (book being written as I speak - watch this space!), but all the same i'm keen to know if i should expand my repertoire. So here goes <wince>. Constructive criticism please.....
Adventures of a Wayward Sugar Bowl
If my sugar bowl could talk, it would tell tales of a life in transit.
Jumping on the condiment bandwagon to lands of Near Kettle,
By Sink and Far Cupboard,
Blue circular rotundity fixed in a gaze of constant displacement.
Of course, it belonged in the region of Tabletop,
That decorous social plane where all seems
Appropriate and unsurprising,
The well-intended lilies drooping their grace as pollen.
Yet half-empty it travelled an endless domestic tour
And we had to do without sweetness for a while,
The bitter taste of tea
Numbing our memory to what we’d known before.
Granny often accompanied the bowl on walks like these,
Two lost vessels chattering in tongues that kept their secret,
Her wandering blue eyes
Half-empty, gently considering her companion.
And we looked for them, searched, always hoping
That a glimmer of familiar blue would appear however briefly
Flashing comfort through the white flowers.
<IMG alt="image" SRC="confused.gif" border="0"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="confused.gif" border="0"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="confused.gif" border="0">
I wrote a poem t'other day and want to know if it's any good. I'm an aspiring novelist more than a poet (book being written as I speak - watch this space!), but all the same i'm keen to know if i should expand my repertoire. So here goes <wince>. Constructive criticism please.....
Adventures of a Wayward Sugar Bowl
If my sugar bowl could talk, it would tell tales of a life in transit.
Jumping on the condiment bandwagon to lands of Near Kettle,
By Sink and Far Cupboard,
Blue circular rotundity fixed in a gaze of constant displacement.
Of course, it belonged in the region of Tabletop,
That decorous social plane where all seems
Appropriate and unsurprising,
The well-intended lilies drooping their grace as pollen.
Yet half-empty it travelled an endless domestic tour
And we had to do without sweetness for a while,
The bitter taste of tea
Numbing our memory to what we’d known before.
Granny often accompanied the bowl on walks like these,
Two lost vessels chattering in tongues that kept their secret,
Her wandering blue eyes
Half-empty, gently considering her companion.
And we looked for them, searched, always hoping
That a glimmer of familiar blue would appear however briefly
Flashing comfort through the white flowers.
<IMG alt="image" SRC="confused.gif" border="0"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="confused.gif" border="0"> <IMG alt="image" SRC="confused.gif" border="0">
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Comments
Noticed you're an oxford lass, mel - is you studenting there too (arrghh, the evil other side.....)??
What's all this KPMG shit then, hey? Please don't do it.....