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mates or lovers?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hi all i'm new here and have a big problem, any help appriciated. i have bn with my husband for 6years and it's now at the point where i just don't fancy him anymore. it's bn like this for about a year. we do have sex sometimes but i think of men i do find attractive. we had had other problems that we have always worked through but this one seams to be going on and on. i think of him as more of a mate than a lover! and if i'm being honest that sexual chemistry as never really bn there like it has with other men in the past. i hate that i feel this why as the guilt is overwhelming but it's now at the point where i know i will end up cheating on him as everywhere i go i'm looking at men! the problem is i am a attractive young women and do get attention. please help if anyone has been in the same situation or not any advice welcome!

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've never been in a relationship that long term and I'm sure that you can't keep that first flush of lust going forever, but personally I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I was constantly looking at other guys. You also say that you've never had that spark with him which sort of indicates that you won't be able to get it back, if you see what I mean - but six years is a long time to give up on so it's surely worth a shot?

    Also think about it from him side. Personally I'd hate to be in a relationship where my partner didn't fancy me and was always looking at other people (not blaming you for that btw) especially as you say that you might cheat. Wouldn't it be much less hurtful all round to end your marraige before you sleep with anyone else? You have unfinished business to sort out which should be done before you go off with anyone else - sorry, my fella was in this situation and I've seen how hurtful it can be.

    So my advise would be see if you can give things a go in your relationship because if you still like him and you've been together that long it's got to be worth a shot. If you find it's not working, please please finish it before you cheat, cause that won't help anyone. Best of luck :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    in any relationship eventually the being IN love feelings wears thin, it happens in all relationships and thats the test of any long term relationship, the moving from being 'IN love' to just 'loving' each other. its the make or break stage. but if you're already frustrated by it may be you're not ready for a longer term commitment with your partner atm. of course you could always try working on spicing your relationship up and see if that helps any.
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