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A little advice needed..
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey, im 16 and next september i will be going to uni. I have been with my bf for 18 months, and we have been talking about getting engaged before uni and married afterwards. We wil be both 18 by then. Do you think its the right think to do? Im worried going to different unis will cause problems, but i think we are strong enough to get through it. Do you think we would be doing the right thing? Can anyone whos been at uni with a partner elsewhere give me a little advice about what it is like?
thanks a lot
thanks a lot
0
Comments
I think you are too young for marriage and it's all "wooo, we belong together."-teenage spirit you are going through right now. Neither become enganged nor plan marriage and see if it's still what you want when you are actually 18, out of uni and together with him (if!).
Being enganged should mean something and not "phew, he's enganged with me now, so he's ALL MINE, MUAHAHAHHA, and he can't stop loving me."
However, I knew I didnt want to be with him forever, so that could have a large part to play in it.
On the other hand, my boyfriend who I am currently with, live miles apart, and have done for the last year, so that illustrates it is dependant on the both of you, and the way you feel about eachother.
Don't get engaged just because you are going away, you need to engaged, as you love each other and want to be married. Think about if you werent going away, do you think you would be getting engaged? If no, then just wait.
A ring on your finger is not likely to make the distance any easier.
You need to worry about this closer to the time, when you say Sept, you do mean 2008 yeah? You have plenty of time, and anything could happen. You could decide you want a job and not uni, or could end up at the same uni.
Hope all works well x
As for the OP:
It's not something I ould personally do. Are you doing it just to prove something to everyone or are you deadly serious about each other?
Of course we havent fully decided on which universities we are going to apply too. I guess it is a security thing, not so much "hes mine now forvever" but that i know i what to be with him, so getting engaged will show our commitment and we both geninely want to be married to each other, but we will inevitably be spending a lot less time together at uni. do you really think 18 is too young to be engaged?
Maybe, but do you disagree with it?
I think in the quintessence you were saying the same as I did.
I try to convince people of my opinion (and it's their choice if they agree or forfeit it) not rub their tummies and tell them whatever they do, I will be fine with.
Engaging with someone is never a security thing. What do you expect him to do? "Wanna be engaged?", "umm,... nah, actually not."
If you are just engaging, because it's the hip thing to do and you have no near plans to marry, it is absolutely insignifficantly and devoid of meaning, in my opinion.
and because people have been complaining: But do what YOU think is right, because that is the ultimate correct thing to do, what do weird internet strangers know? :flirt:
Look, getting engaged means if Person A proposes to person B and B accepts. Why aren't you engaged yet? And why is the reason for becoming enganged because you are moving away to an university?
For you it is clearly romantical to have a ring around your finger, telling all those girls your age, who aren't engaged that there is someone back home waiting for you, Am I wrong? I do not care if you admit I am or say I'm not, just ask the question and give yourself an answer.
Man, I wanted to marry my first girlfriend too and have 12 kids and live on the carribean. I think you are overly hasty. Propose to him if you want to marry him (and are going to marry him somewhere shorter than 2 years from now), not to have a "security-thing", because you move away to study. There is all time in the world if you finish uni.
No I don't, but there's no need to come across so judgemental as we don't know her situation and what her relationship is like with her boyfriend.
Personally, I think 18 is far too young to be considering marriage. People change so much that nothing's forever. When I was 18 I was a completely different person and I wanted different things back then, now I'm 21 and have a completely different view on my life and what I want out of it.
I strongly suggest you re-think your engagement. If you love each other now, be content with that as of now. Why don't you cross the marriage bridge when you come it. I can pretty much guarantee that you won't be crossing it, not even near it after you've experienced 3 years at university.
So you are saying we have no chance? I know im young...but surely age doesnt matter about how you feel about somebody. We wouldnt be getting engaged for another year and a half anyway...and we will most probably be at universities not too far away from each other
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
To the OP- If you both want it to work and want to be with eachother then there is no reason why you shouldn't give it a go and for you both to come through it
As I said, it depends on the individuals involved
:yes:
only if you both trust each other completely, and are strong enough to overcome the insecurities that will result from you being in different places at a stage in your lives where you'll both be meeting new people, will you manage to stay together through uni.
it is possible though, but it's something you need to seriously think about, and weigh up with how much you trust each other, and how insecure you both are as individuals.
it's great that you have found the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. as far as seperate uni's go, i do know of a few couples who have kept their relationships going while apart, which is encouraging (your replies are a lil negative).
i think that if you and your bf believe your relationship is strong enough, then you will get through it. i'm sure you both acknowledge it will be a testing 3/4 years apart, and heart breaking too (im dreading leaving my bf behind) by all means get engaged, only you know how you both feel and whether you think your relationship can endure seperate uni's!
don't know about u, but im most dreading not being able to spend all my time with my bf.... aggh!!!
good luck anyway!!
16 might be seen as being a bit on the young side to get engaged, but it's more to do with maturity and being sensible about it rather than just how old you are.
I asked my g/f to marry me when I was 17 the week before I went to uni. We were engaged for about an hour till we both thought this is wrong and stuff, so we split up. For the best really, she's all settled down and got her own house and baby now and I'm erm..not ready for that at all!
One of my housemates at uni kept it going with his girlfriend, she ended up moving up to go to the same uni as him, she ended up resenting him and it all finished. Like I say, it does really depend but I'd say don't make any firm plans about how things are going to work (i.e moving in together in X amount of time etc) because uni can and does change you, but it doesn't mean your relationship has to end.
See how it goes, I think the engagement thing is something you'll just have to decide between you.
I didn't really get involved at university and ended up coming home most weekends. I felt miserable at uni and ended up dropping out to come back home, only to break up with the guy a few months later.
What's the point of being engaged for three years? Why not just be together? You can only try. Long distance relationships aren't easy but they do work for some people. The odds are against you, how many people end up married to the person they were with from the age of 15?
Not meaning to put you off, just giving my experience. Make the most of university and being young. It's hard to do that when your mind is elsewhere.
I personally wouldnt get engaged that young, partly because its too young (imo) and partly because i dont see the point in getting engaged if you are not going to start planning a wedding. You can be commited to each other without getting engaged.
As for whether or not you'll be able to stay together through uni, none of us can tell you the answer. When i was your age i thought i'd die without my boyfriend and i never thought we'd break up, 2 years down the line and i was a totally different person, i broke up with him and never looked back. I still speak to him now and i cant imagine ever feeling that way about him so it just goes to show how much people can change and feelings can change.
On the other hand my best friend met her boyfriend when she was 16 and he went away to uni for 4 years, they're now married and happy as ever.
Don't worry too much about the future, you're still very young and you never know whats around the corner.
we havent talked to them about getting married, but they know we are very serious, and my parents are wondering what will happen to us next year. I know a lot of you here think i am very young, but i believe i hve found "theone" so to speak. Maybe we should just stay committed without getting engaged, but i do want to marry him, we would be getting engaged with all intention of marrying. But i cant imagine us breaking up. and i wouldnt break up with him just incase our feelings changed when we were away.
It is up to you if you want to get engaged, i think everyone is mainly making sure that you are not doing it for the wrong reasons, that's all.
Make sure you talk to your boyfriend seriously about this and perhaps try and suggests other ways to keep the closeness, and make sure you make an agrement to visit each other at least every other weekend.
If you truly believe he is the one, then that is very good news and you shouldnt feel bad about wanting to commit with the biggest commitment there is. The only suggestion here is to be patient. If you believe you have your whole future together, there is no need to rush, as perhaps getting engaged after university will be even more special as you have been through this distance and are as strong as ever.
Good luck! :wave: