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Extortionate mum
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, my mum's being really harsh.
She's saying that until I go back to university she wants me to pay £60 a week board as that's less than what I'd be paying to the university. The prob is, I'm not getting financial support now so I'm paying out from my savings. The only reason she's charging me is because I've got nowhere else to go.
I guess some peopple have to pay board, but I don't know any of my friends whose parents look at what money they have and ask for all of it. In fact, a lot of them get financial support in little things.
Further to my theory she's sexist, she's charging my sister who's working f/t £10 a week. The rest of her money she blows in one day. (I'm trying to save up for next year).
It was also upsetting today when my mum was bitching about me to my aunt and uncle. I come downstairs and they say they've heard all about me. My mum can be really harsh and embarressing sometimes, and makes stuff up about my personal hygiene as a joke that I find really offensive.
It erks me off because since my dad died my mum hasn't got another job saying she needs to look after us lot - but I cook most of my own meals (or if I'm at my girlfriends house I get fed) and my brother who lives away from us gives my mum money so we don't need to stress about working.
My mum then tells us we have to pay her board. She wants to start fostering because she can get £400 per child per WEEK. Of course, she's already planned that my room will go to someone else, and one of my other brothers is already sleeping on the sofa.
I mean, in a family it's about give and take, I do my fair share of chores, even have to clean up others mess (because my sister insists as she works, even though I pay board just like she does, that she doesn't have to clean up after herself) and am jobhunting. As soon as I sold my motorbike, mum got excited and started asking for cash, you could see the $$ signs in her eyes.
I wish she'd see me as a member of the family rather than a source of income. She owes me so much I can't even remember, as does my younger sister. Mum just goes shopping a lot, and I can't be doing with it.
I can't afford to move out though, I've got all my stuff here for uni, I don't have a car to transport anything, etc.
In the meantime, I'm getting poorer than anything. Still jobhunting, got to go to another agency on tuesday to fill in an application form that may get me an interview that may get me a job, and I don't need my mum dancing on the spot with her spur of the moment purchases (she has two cars and shes the only one that drives!) looking as I have money from my student loan / EMA even when I got that and asking for it.
:banghead: Cant :banghead: wait :banghead: till :banghead: I :banghead: move :banghead: out !:banghead:
She's saying that until I go back to university she wants me to pay £60 a week board as that's less than what I'd be paying to the university. The prob is, I'm not getting financial support now so I'm paying out from my savings. The only reason she's charging me is because I've got nowhere else to go.
I guess some peopple have to pay board, but I don't know any of my friends whose parents look at what money they have and ask for all of it. In fact, a lot of them get financial support in little things.
Further to my theory she's sexist, she's charging my sister who's working f/t £10 a week. The rest of her money she blows in one day. (I'm trying to save up for next year).
It was also upsetting today when my mum was bitching about me to my aunt and uncle. I come downstairs and they say they've heard all about me. My mum can be really harsh and embarressing sometimes, and makes stuff up about my personal hygiene as a joke that I find really offensive.
It erks me off because since my dad died my mum hasn't got another job saying she needs to look after us lot - but I cook most of my own meals (or if I'm at my girlfriends house I get fed) and my brother who lives away from us gives my mum money so we don't need to stress about working.
My mum then tells us we have to pay her board. She wants to start fostering because she can get £400 per child per WEEK. Of course, she's already planned that my room will go to someone else, and one of my other brothers is already sleeping on the sofa.
I mean, in a family it's about give and take, I do my fair share of chores, even have to clean up others mess (because my sister insists as she works, even though I pay board just like she does, that she doesn't have to clean up after herself) and am jobhunting. As soon as I sold my motorbike, mum got excited and started asking for cash, you could see the $$ signs in her eyes.
I wish she'd see me as a member of the family rather than a source of income. She owes me so much I can't even remember, as does my younger sister. Mum just goes shopping a lot, and I can't be doing with it.
I can't afford to move out though, I've got all my stuff here for uni, I don't have a car to transport anything, etc.
In the meantime, I'm getting poorer than anything. Still jobhunting, got to go to another agency on tuesday to fill in an application form that may get me an interview that may get me a job, and I don't need my mum dancing on the spot with her spur of the moment purchases (she has two cars and shes the only one that drives!) looking as I have money from my student loan / EMA even when I got that and asking for it.
:banghead: Cant :banghead: wait :banghead: till :banghead: I :banghead: move :banghead: out !:banghead:
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Comments
It's one of those things. I think she's a bit old fashioned in that men are workers who earn money and my sister doing her job (an apprenticeship in hair dressing) anything she earns should be her pocket money. But she earns £80 a week. My brother earns more and pays £65 (I think around £240). Because at university I was paying I think £79 a week that matching my brothers rate is 'ok'.
But my other brother who is at university does not need to pay board. It's just mum penalising me for being a drop out, I guess.
On a smaller note, she said it was for lifts and things - but she refuses to give me lifts anywhere yet gives my sister 2 / 3 lifts a day.
What was funny when my aunt and uncle were ripping into me was that she'd overlooked how I get up at 8am and have breakfast whilst she isn't up and about until about 12! And then she watches TV!
I wouldn't mind so much if;
- she could justify it (but she can't, since my brother covers all of her expenses, he's quite well off)
- I could afford it (and she knows I can't)
- she didn't spend it all on clothes and new sofas and new cars
Whilst I want to spend a few hundred on getting my bike licence. But where is the money better served, me learning to ride so I can be independent or her so she can buy something else.
When I confront her about the furniture, she says it's her money. But my bed is broken and I've had difficulty sleeping, and she won't shell out the £30 or so for a new frame from ikea. Says it's my bed so I can pay for it.
It's like she wants to charge me money but not give me anything back in return.
I completely agree with I'm_With_Stupid. I been in a similar situation in the past with my mother and it is very unreasonable on many grounds not least because you are FAMILY you are not a source of income but her son.
I had MANY an arguement about this with my mother, in the end, i moved out.
I'm sorry, and i know this sounds disrespectful, but like i said when it comes to family you do not start taking more money off them than they can afford, you take what they are in a position to GIVE you whether you work or not.
Yeah, I'm sure ShyBoy mentioned something on here bout dropping out of uni and moving back.
Agreed. If you were actually earning money (and more than your sister) then I could understand why she charges you so much.
I'm sure my mum said a similar thing to me a while back. However, I'm actually getting some sort of money a week and not being charged rent or anything.
What happened in a nutshell:
Lived at home.
Went to uni.
Spoke to my tutor, wanted to change course, he said ok.
I thought then that I'd just spend the rest of the year at uni and get a job there. Then I get a letter through from some official body saying that my loans etc. are suspended, and I have to leave uni accomodation. Well, fair enough, I can't expect it if I'm not studying per se, but I thought from what my tutor said I would be able to carry on as normal til the end of the term.
So came home, and been job hunting since.
The worst bit is, she says it's for bills and stuff but all of that is 100% covered. Every penny we pay her goes towards extra stuff. And she spends her spending money on stuff for herself, (like a new sofa suite) rather than stuff for everyone (like, me and my sister both need new beds, as they're both falling apart. My mum has a habit of scrimping on us kids and tends to get freebies / charity shop stuff. And it's harsh when she buys herself new stuff from M&S that costs hundreds
It just winds me up, because we're not living like a family where we help each other out, but we're not living like flatmates either, because she just charges us as much as she can get.
I know my brother and sister off the record don't pay that much, but she's told them both to say that so I feel like I have to pay. She was shocked at how much I got in my loan because of our circumstances, and as such has been finding ways to get bits of it off me. It's just another ploy really, she wanted to charge me £50 to drop me off at uni or to pick me up.
Family is really great sometimes, isn't it?
:thumb:
well harsh, id definitely put my foot down
Is there any way you can have a chat with her about this and tell her everything you've just told us? Or if that's not possible, write her a letter of some sort. You need to make it really clear to her how this is making you feel and what affect it has on you.
Also, I'd be tempted to not tell her any of your financial information from now on - she'll only demand x amount of it as hers.
She can be grateful for having such an understanding son...
Unfortunately it's her house and she makes the rules.
I'm just going to try to evade the subject tbh and keep my finances private more or less.
I can just be a bad 'tenant' and not pay up. I doubt she'd actually kick me out, and she already has withdrawn any priveledges I supposedly had.
you reckon?
Thats how much i paid for my small bedsit 13 years ago so I very much doubt it.
Its a bit shit that shes charging you all different amounts, but tbh, as Vicky says, its her house, and since youre over 16 and not in education, shes perfectly within her rights to charge you rent or even kick you out.
When you've got no money coming in, it is.
If you haven't got your loan installment for this term then you should be able to claim benefits until you find a job, so get down the job centre and sort it out.
From what you've been saying about your job hunting efforts it could well be that your mum is fed up of you hanging around the house doing very little which is basically what you've been doing since you got back from uni and her demands for rent are a way to try and kick your arse into gear to get a job (before I get lept on for being harsh, ShyBoy has said himself he needs a kick to get arse in gear).
If you look at it like that it's all a bit more reasonable really. Your mum needs money to live off somehow, I'm pretty sure what your brother contributes doesn't cover the entireity of the household running costs, by the time you add in all the bills, maintenance, food, consumables, clothing etc.
You have to remember that my moving back home this year you have screwed up your mum and your sisters plans. Thats not to say that they don't like having you and that you're not welcome in your family home, but they were not expecting to have you there and thus you've changed the situation. There needs to be a bit of give and take in families and both you and your mum need to do a bit of both. The impression you are giving at the moment is that all you're doing is taking.
Work out your financial situation, if you only got two terms worth or grant or loan then explain that to your mum, explain you have no income at the moment but will quite happily pay reasonable rent once you get a job and you can agree how much when you now what your income will be. Also get down the job centre and try and sort out benefits.
If you've got grant/loan for 3 terms then start paying rent to your mum now and stop trying to make money out of your dropping out. She's not being unreasonable in that case.
Either way if you're going to complain about money and not having enough then you'll have to rethink spending that much on getting your bike license.
This reads quite fair
please tell me where you could live cheaper?
Let's think about what you living there would add to the costs:
electric and gas: probably £5 a week in spring and summer
council tax: you being there wouldn't add to the cost but it is fair to share it between all working adults in the home
food: depends, anything from £20-£40 a week
I've had a big argument in my family about this very same issue in the past. I felt like my mum was trying to profit out of me being there, when I had no income. It was very upsetting, but now I am older and live independently, I realise how much it really costs to run a home.
You really need to have a sensible talk with her.
of course running a house costs a lot, that isn't being disputed
BUT
lets break it down
she CHOOSES not to work so she can "look after" the "kids" who are all old enough to look after themselves, she wont even help towards a new bed for him ffs!
she gets money from her THREE children, which is fair enough, BUT she should ask the same amount from each, or at least work out something that's fairer than the current situation
he has said she doesnt NEED the money, and that she makes spare of the moment purchases, why does she need 2 cars for example?
plus SHE owes HIM money
she wanted to charge him £50 to take him or pick him up from uni? fuck that! if that isnt sponging for money, i dont know what is! she sounds money mad to me!
Because if ShyBoy has his uni grants and loan then he has more money than his sister. For contribution towards family living costs then it's reasonable to charge appropriate rent rather than equal rent. I only said he should be paying if he has the funding to do so, and if he hasn't then he needs to sort that out.
course she isnt obliged, but she's his mum! she should give him a break!
god, my mum would do ANYTHING for me if she could
she chooses NOT to work to LOOK AFTER her kids
if she's gonna use her kids as an excuse not to work she cant expect them to be totally self suficient when they are out of work/skint/busy