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porn on boyfriend's laptop
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i've just found porn on my boyfriend's laptop but he claims his brother downloaded it when as far as im concerned his brother has his own laptop. after finding this i noticed his history has been deleted (it only shows websites from thursday, when he first came over) and i'm pretty sure his cookies have been deleted. i really don't know what to do. so far (i found 10 minutes ago) i've asked him why he's got porn on his laptop and i looked at his face to see his reaction,...he looked guilty to me .. i just don't know what to do! i've always heard/seen this problem on tele and never got what the big deal was until it happened... i just don't know what to do.. we've been togehter nearly 4 years and its the first time i'm considering breaking up with him although we've already booked a 2 month long holiday for the summer and ... i just dont know what to do! sorry for rambling but if anyone's been in this position before or if anyone has any adivce it'll be greatly appreciated.. thanks x
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Is it something that you have discussed in the past and is there any reason you have a strong objection to him watching it ? Its up to you if you chose to end your relationship together over it, however I think that you would find it difficult to find a man who wouldn't ever use adult material.
I think you need to have a chat and discuss why you feel so strongly about it and also understand a little more about what he gets from it.
I will let you into a secret: Every guy has porn on his laptop
There really isnt anything to worry about. So hes been looking at porn, it doesnt mean he loves you any less or finds you less attractive. Worry if he has been shagging your best friend but not about this.
I suggest you speak with him. Talk to him about why you have a problem with it. If its just becuase your insecure, then banning him from looking at porn is pointless.
But dont ruin a good relationship of something so trivial.
:thumb:
what is your problem with it?
how old are you?
What is it with him watching it that bothers you? Is it him looking at other women, your insecurities, the idea of porn?
The last thing I'd do is end a 4 year relationship over something like this.
Personally, it doesn't bother me at all that my boyfriend likes porn: it's the same as looking at other women in the street. It's a completely different thing from a relationship and doesn't pose a threat to that at all, unless your boyfriend is replacing your sex life with porn, in which case I would be most, most pee-d off.
Is there a reason why this upsets you so much? Do you find porn, or the porn your boyfriend likes to watch offensive? If not, why not watch it with him? Me and my boyfriend watch it together, and while it doesn't exactly float my boat, my boyfriend does the things that I love that don't don't exactly float his sexual boat. Everyone wins!
Would that be a solution?
Mila
im 18, my problem with it is that i wasn't "normal porn" the videos had 'preteen' and 'raped', and as someone who has been raped, and whose boyfriend goes on to watch people getting raped for pleasure it is pretty disturbing,
anyway, thanks for the advice, i don't really know what to do as he makes my skin crawl now, i still want to be with him but its hard to accept sorry im not as tolerating as everyone else
That's a rather unfair comment, based on the fact you just said porn. I, like the vast majority of people on here when seeing the word porn, would assume your average, everyday bloke shags girl type stuff. If it really is preeten stuff on his computer, i.e. 12 and under then shop the cunt to the police.
Er yeah, preteen porn isn't the first thing that springs to mind! If this really is the case you should think carefully about contacting the police, and given your personal situation, I can now understand why you would feel so offended.
Noone here tolerates that either! Perhaps your initial post should have made things clearer for us. There is a big difference between porn and child porn.
IMO if your boyfriend has pre-teen porn on his computer you should tell the police.
I can understand why you want to leave him, but you should be sure it was him who actually downloaded it.
i really don't know what to do, all i want is him to answer why, to which his answer was 'it wasn't for pleasure' :crazyeyes he doesn't know why cos it was 'so long ago' he's asking me not to go to the police cos he wants to be a policeman, he's at uni working towards it. makes me really worried in a couple of years time society is meant to have faith in him (obviously not just him!) to protect them. thanks all anyway
But I think, especially if you've been raped in the past (and he knows about this?), then it isn't at all unreasonable to question going out with someone who is turned on by the prospect. As for the whole police thing, I honestly believe that you wouldn't do it anyway, since you're not even sure whether it's a breaking up offence yet. Of course looking at it objectively, we'd all dob him in, but it's different when it's someone you love and it's based on something as tentative as a few filenames. So like everyone else, my advice would be to contact the police, but I know you won't.
Incidentally, am I the only person that changes the names of their downloads to something that people won't look at and know immediately that it's porn?
Is your boyfriend usually an honest person? It seems from your last post that he has now admitted the porn was his. I think you have to ask him about the content of the file- ie, was it actually pre-teen rape scenes, or was it a fantasy about that scenario? Then I think you need to know whether he knew he was downloading fantasy porn, or whether he thought that the file would actually show a pre-teen rape scene.
Rape play and age play are two things that many people enjoy, and these acts should always be consentual. Someone playing in these areas would generally be very careful about who they were playing with and the situation they were in. I have been raped (as an adult) and rape play turns me on. Age play is generally (and I say generally, because I have limited experience of people into this kink) based on a daddy-daughter relationship: a caring, loving, supportive relationship in which the 'daddy' gives his little girl all the care and love a father would give his daughter.
But different people react differently to different things. If the idea of rape and age play fantasies makes you sick (as opposed to actual rape and child abuse which I think would make most people feel sick and angry), then maybe it will be difficult to continue a relationship with somebody whose kink is something you abhor.
I think the immeadiate answer is to have a very honest conversation with your boyfriend to find out exactly what he was doing. Then take some time to yourself to get over the emotional strain of the situation and make a decision about whether or not you still want to be with your boyfriend.
Sorry to ruin the party, but I'm one of the non-porners out there! I'm just a normal 28 y/o hetro guy, fanatic clubber, non-religious, but no porner either.
I'm OK with porn as long as it's not forced on me. I treat it the same as religion and homosexuality. i.e. OK as long as it's not forced on me.
Either that or start dating Evangelical Christians.
EDIT: As for the pre-teen/rape stuff, I very much doubt it was actually that. Internet paedophiles may be alot of things, but they aren't stupid enough to pass around and share files with names like that. However, that does raise the question as to whether or not he was actually searching for that. Although again, unlikely. If you load up Limewire/KaZaA/whatever you kids use these days, filenames will be along the lines of "Britney Spears Christina Aguilera Agulira Avril Lavigne Angelina Jolie Pamela Anderson Tommy Lee sex tape porn xxx illegal rape incest scat pre-teen teen almost legal barely legal secret photos papperazi.avi"
Its a minefield out there.
Some serious talking and consideration for ones actions needs to take place with your bf crystal. If it is regular porn then, i think breaking up may be too extreme of a reaction. If not, i think the course of action is obvious.
Sounds like an admission to me, but also an attempt to get out of it.
He obviously makes you happy, hence the impending holiday.
And yet you're actually debating dumping him over some laptop porn?
Sounds like you have to ask yourself if the porn is just the catalyst.
Do you think this is all symptomatic of something that runs a little deeper?
I dunno, it's just pretty extreme contemplating ending your relationship over this.
Ask yourself what really bothers you...
The fact that you think he needs to derive pleasure from another source?
Or the fact that you think he's being patently dishonest with you?
There's a multitude of reasons why you could or should be upset.
But dumping the guy??
Just think really hard on this one.
All the best.
Saying he didn't have them for pleasure may have been a simple lie to get out of it depending on how she reacted. Some girls lose the plot at the thought of their boyfriend getting pleasure from watching that kinda stuff.
As for asking her not to tell the police, a little more sinister although there's no real way to know unless she actually see's the stuff herself. But then it also depends on what age she/her boyfriend is. I remember when I was around 14, a bunch of people got it into their heads that because proper hardcore is illegal in the UK (at least, I think it is) they'd have the police knocking down their door if they dared look at such a website.
As for the rape stuff, it could have been pulled up with one of the keywords he put in, he could have simply put in young hot babe porn and got preteen rape...its possible.
So before you go and break up with him and go to the police on him, get the full story, talk to him about it and for gods sake let him wank in peace if it turns out to be legal type stuff. As kiezo said, you'll be alone a very long time if your looking for a bloke who doesnt watch porn.
When he does 'big' things wrong like getting with another girl and me having to find out from someone else, it takes weeks to actually get the truth out of him. Its so exhausting having a conversation with him about this porn thing. We were up till 6 in the morning and his answers to my questions were 'I don't know,' 'I'm sorry,' and 'crystal please." And that's pissing me off even more than the porn thing because I've calmed down now but now its just the fact that all his answers are those 3 phrases that's making me even more angry.
Also, Anomie, it is the fact that he gets pleasure from another source that bothers me too. Its a huge blow to the self-esteem and I want to be with him but I can't imagine having sex or being intimate with him when at the back at my mind I'd probably be thinking that he'd rather be doing it with someone else.
Yeah thats what I was gonan say, if you on a P2P app and type in something like "Lesbians" you can get "lesbian babe fuck cum preteen lolita babe terra patrick takes it up the arse".
Just go get an undelete tool from the Internet and see what it really was.
If he's doing shit like this, on top of the dodgy porn stuff, I do wonder why you bother with him.
That's what caught my eye as well! If that's true, porn isn't your main problem girl.
Oh, that's a whole different deal. Well 'rape-porn' got to my eyes once (unintentionally, really), and it is usually nothing like rape, but just a bit of staged throat holding.
If it's real rape scenes (which i highly doubt) or real kiddie material then of course then there is a real issue coming up. Are you sure of that?
If you were 100% sure that it was actually real, then talk to the police, but if not then just leave it.